


If I Could Tell Him

by Pretzle05



Series: If I Could Tell Him [1]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), And It's Really Cute Most of the Time, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Dates, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, But Three Weeks and 60000 Words Later and That's Not Happening, F/M, Firelord Zuko (Avatar), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Summaries, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, It Gets Really Sad in Later Chapters, Master/Servant, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Post-Canon, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Unrequited Love, Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, but it gets better, this was supposed to be a oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:15:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 60,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25723459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pretzle05/pseuds/Pretzle05
Summary: Y/N Y/L/N's family have been servants at the Fire Nation royal palace for generations. She is a maid and a personal attendant of the Fire Lord, and she is proud of the work that she does. There's only one small problem: she's had a crush on him since they were five years old. She has managed to keep her feelings a tightly guarded secret for years, but when one big mishap throws her and the Fire Lord together into an unlikely friendship, will she be able to keep her mouth shut? Or will she expose herself, and undoubtedly have to kiss her job goodbye? Because, after all, she's just a maid, and Fire Lords don't fall in love with maids.Or do they?
Relationships: Zuko (Avatar)/Reader
Series: If I Could Tell Him [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1865815
Comments: 214
Kudos: 367





	1. Everything I See

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! I'm so glad you decided to read my fic! I already have the entire thing typed out, so I'm going to update every two days just to keep a little bit of suspense ;). I've seen a few Zuko fics with a servant reader, but I've never really seen it used as a tool for drama and angst, so I wrote this. It's not too angsty though, so don't worry! Still plenty of fluff and comedy to go around! I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think down in the comments!
> 
> This is one of the shortest chapters in this story, so don't worry if it's not a whole lot! A lot of them are closer to 5,000-6,000 words, and one is over 7,500, so be on the lookout for that! Please let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Also, every chapter title is going to be lyrics from a song about unrequited love, because why not. This fic has nothing to do with Dear Evan Hanson, I just think it's a good musical and I thought "If I Could Tell Her" would make a good title. Chapter one's title is from the same song. Enjoy!

Y/N had worked at the Fire Nation palace for as long as she could remember. Her family had served the royal family as maids and whatnot for generations, so it only made sense that she grew up around them, and subsequentially, their children. And also for as long as she could remember, she had had an undeniably, all-consumingly, schoolgirl gigglingly, disgustingly _massive_ crush on His Highness, Prince Zuko.

She couldn’t even remember when it started; it was just a part of her now. As integral as breathing or firebending or… you get the picture. As reward for her family’s many generations of loyalty, they got the honor of working directly for the royal family. When Y/N was very young, her mother was a personal attendant to the young prince. And when she was old enough to begin learning basic maid duties, so about five or six, her mother would have her accompany her. This led to Y/N having _many_ interactions with the prince, or, er, if you can consider cleaning his room and bringing him snacks and watching him play with the other noble kids ‘interactions.’ Which, five-year-old Y/N did. But that’s besides the point!

The point was, that Y/N had seen firsthand a lot of things about Prince Zuko. He kept his room tidy, but he lacked organization. He had a strong sense of right and wrong, and he wasn’t afraid of standing up for what he thought was right and standing against what he thought was wrong. He was passionate and strong-willed and full of conviction, and sometimes he let that get the best of him. But most of all, Y/N had seen that he was kind.

Working for the royal family was never an easy job, and it wasn’t even a very fulfilling one. Not when the people you serve show no appreciation and treat you like garbage—ready to toss you out the moment your performance becomes less than satisfactory. It wasn’t a very welcoming environment for a child to grow up in. And after Lady Ursa left, the conditions for the servants only worsened. Y/N’s mother made sure to keep her far away from Fire Lord Ozai, but she remembered how cruel Princess Azula was. How she’d kick and scream and hurl fire at her if she brought her her snack a few minutes later than usual, or if she accidentally moved her toys to a new place while cleaning. Prince Zuko was never like that, though. He didn’t yell at her or try to hit her if she messed up. He did have a bit of a temper, so he might get frustrated, but he was never really mean or rude. By far, he was the kindest of the royal family after Lady Ursa left, and Y/N found some semblance of happiness and contentment in serving him.

Her fondness for him only grew as the years passed and as they both grew into teenagers. You’d be amazed at how quickly gossip spreads among the palace servants, and the rumors of how cruelly Princess Azula and Fire Lord Ozai treated Prince Zuko only deepened her sympathy for him. She found herself genuinely wanting to do everything she could to make his life easier, to lessen the pain he was surely going through. While she could never be his friend or confidant, she could at very least try to rid his life of minor inconveniences. It was because of this dedication that she became recognized as a _very good_ servant.

When Prince Zuko was banished, Y/N was absolutely devastated. She heard what had happened—him speaking out of turn, the Agni Kai, his _own father_ scarring him for life and sending him on a wild goose chase he would likely never come back from. She couldn’t even imagine all the pain he must have been going though, and knowing there was nothing she could do to help tore her heart apart. And a horrible, selfish part of herself mourned that she would probably never see him again. She cried into her pillow for days she was so crushed, refusing to leave her room. Her mother had to feign an illness for her to save her from punishment for abandoning her duties (at thirteen she was old enough to be considered a proper maid).

Nonetheless, Y/N was a _very good_ servant, one from a long line of very good servants, and those were becoming hard to come by. So, with her main charge gone, she was re-assigned to another very important person: Princess Azula. Life was hell serving her. The girl was a terror, and Y/N had to learn very quickly that the best way to avoid wrath was to remain out of sight, out of earshot, and out of mind, only interacting with the Princess when it was absolutely necessary. And then, it was best to remain silent, do her job, and leave as quickly as possible. Any joy she had found working for Prince Zuko had been lost, as was any hope that she might have still harbored in her heart that things would get better: inside the palace walls, in the Fire Nation as a whole, and in the outside world. The Prince returned three years later after allegedly killing the avatar, but Princess Azula wasn’t willing to give her up, so she never got to see him in the brief time before he defected.

Y/N had lost all hope of peace, and all hope of ever seeing her secretly beloved prince again. And in a way, she never did. Because when he returned in a blaze of glory with the avatar on the day of Sozin’s Comet and defeated Ozai, ending the war, he was a _Fire Lord._ And Y/N just knew, he’d be the greatest one there ever was.

He wasn’t the same boy she remembered serving in her youth, but that was only to be expected. He was older, stronger, kinder, happier. And while her duties as one of his personal maids were different now that he was Fire Lord, she found herself easily slipping back into the routine she had so dearly missed for all those years of his absence. Including the routine where she became even more infatuated with him with every day that passed by.

She wouldn’t say she was _in love_ with the Fire Lord. No, she decided that it wasn’t really possible to be in love with someone who probably didn’t even know her name. But _damn,_ did she have a big, fat crush on him. Time had only made him more handsome, and though she found him attractive while they where young teenagers, nothing could have prepared her for the verifiable _heartthrob_ he grew into in his twenties. Or just how _kind_ he had become. He still had that stubborn temper she knew and loved, but he had softened around the edges in his time away. While he was simply the most grateful of the royal family in his youth (which really wasn’t saying much), now he was actively _appreciative._ He made her feel wanted, needed, _recognized._ And every time he smiled that beautiful smile at her and thanked her with that beautiful voice of his she felt her knees go weak, and she inched closer and closer to falling in love with someone who probably didn’t even know her name.

It was completely unprofessional, of course, her feelings for Fire Lord Zuko, and nothing could ever come to fruition from them. She knew that. But she refused to try and uproot or ignore them. Partially because she hadn’t allowed for them to interfere with her work, and if they weren’t hurting anyone, then what was the harm in letting them flourish? But also because they had been a part of her for so long—rooted themselves so deeply in her heart—that she was afraid it would be impossible even if she tried. Not without ripping herself apart and leaving a gigantic, gaping hole inside of her. So she was content in admiring him from afar. And though she knew he could never be hers, it didn’t stop her from reveling in the sweet swell of her heart whenever he smiled, or from imagining at night what it would be like if he was.

Of course, she knew that one day, probably one day soon, he would take a wife, as was his duty. A Fire Nation noblewoman fit to rule by his side. Or perhaps even a foreign one that would strengthen the fragile bonds between their countries. Either way, she knew she would be strong and beautiful and intelligent, and they would have a family together and she would fall asleep every night beside him being held in his strong, warm arms and then her feelings would probably be considered treasonous. And on the night of his wedding she would throw herself onto her bed and cry into her pillow, as she would probably do every night for weeks afterwards, and that it would feel like thousands of little knives stabbing her heart as those well-nurtured feelings are forcibly uprooted, leaving uncountable tunnels and cracks and holes in their absence. And that afterwards her heart would probably be more made up of achingly painful emptiness than anything of substance. But she also knew that no matter how invasive the removal would be, no matter how devastating, she knew it would be impossible to dig out every last fiber of it, and that her feelings would grow anew from those damaged remnants to fill back in the holes.

Because no matter how badly it may hurt her when the time comes, no matter how salty and stinging her tears may be, she knew she would be happy for him. When he managed to find someone to love, even though that someone would never be her, she would be so very happy for him. Because all she could ever hope for was his true, unbridled happiness.

And if he wasn’t happy, then she had no idea what she would feel. But no matter what, she would simply continue like always—like she had done for the past nineteen years.

And she was content, her feelings remaining completely unknown to anyone but herself.

Or so she thought.

* * *

Though Y/N was adamant about not revealing her feelings for the Fire Lord, that didn’t stop her from admiring him from afar. And being one of his personal attendants, she had plenty opportunities to do so. Such as when he trained (hey, he needed _somebody_ to get him water). And due to the, um, _strenuous_ nature of his training, he usually took his shirt off at some point. And while incredibly flustering for Y/N (though she liked to think she was good at keeping a straight face), it gave her quite a lot of material for her to indulge in her _second_ favorite hobby: drawing.

Had her family not been servants, Y/N thought that she would have liked to have been an artist. She was pretty good at it actually, not to sound too full of herself. But with the way things were, her skills were cultivated in secret, or at least, just on her free time. The palace gardens were beautiful, and she greatly enjoyed sketching out the turtleducks and all the different plants there. But on top of her more innocent drawings, she also had a secret sketchbook, one she only ever drew in when she was certain she was alone in her room in the servant’s quarters.

This sketchbook was dedicated entirely to indulging in her massive crush on Fire Lord Zuko. It was usually difficult to draw a specific person when they weren’t standing right in front of you, but Y/N had seen his face so often that it was nearly photographically imprinted in her mind. Most of the drawings were pretty innocent—him smiling and laughing took up the majority of the pages. Then there were the more indulgent ones—ones she usually felt just a little guilty about after she was done with them. There were a lot featuring him with his hair down, and while she had never actually _seen_ him with his hair down, she had imagined it quite a lot. Not the _most_ embarrassing thing in the world, but it still felt a little wrong to be so fixated on it that she felt the need to try and depict something she had never seen. Though, honestly, keeping the sketchbook at all felt kind of wrong—like she was some kind of creepy, obsessive stalker—but she just couldn’t help herself. And it didn’t help that he was _gorgeous_ and made a perfect model.

But then there were the drawings that were actually embarrassing, that she would certainly combust out of sheer mortification if anyone ever saw them. They featured him shirtless, sweat dripping down his toned chest and back, based on whatever she had seen him doing during training recently. They were probably the most embarrassing and indulgent things she had ever created, and she would be humiliated beyond belief if she was ever caught drawing them.

It was one such drawing she was currently working on, after checking and double-checking that she was completely alone. She had the day off, so she figured what better way to spend it then by sitting in her room all day with a cup of tea and sketching out what she’d seen the Fire Lord do in his training session the day before.

She became very focused when she was deep into a drawing, particularly when it was one of Fire Lord Zuko. She wanted to make sure she captured his likeness as closely as possible, fearing that anything less would be a disservice to him (not that anyone was ever going to see it, but hey, if you’re going to do something self-indulgent and embarrassing at least do it right). She recalled the tension in his arms, the steady placement of his foot stance, the intense expression on his face: his brow drawn together in a fierce stare, his sharp jaw clenched in concentration, the strong bridge of his nose perfectly silhouetted in profile view, his piercing golden eyes—

“Whatcha got there, Y/N?”

She yelped, nearly jumping twelve feet in the air. She tried to snap the sketchbook shut, but her pencil got stuck between the pages, acting as a marker for the _exact kind of drawing that no one on this world or the next was **ever** allowed to see. _“A-Ayaka! What are you doing here???”

“I’m on break. Just thought you might like some company. Have you left your room at all today?” Ayaka didn’t give her time to respond, instead smirking deviously and cocking her head to the side in an imitation of innocent curiosity. “You okay there, Y/N? You’re looking pretty red. Could it have something to do with… _this!”_ Before Y/N could react, Ayaka snatched the sketchbook out of her hands.

No. No no no no no _no_ this was _not happening._ She had kept up the ruse for **_nineteen years_** for the spirits’ sakes—she was _not_ about to be found out because her nosy best friend doesn’t know how to knock. She sprang to her feet and made a mad grab for the book, but Ayaka pulled it just out of reach at the last second. Her face burned red with shame. “It’s nothing, give it back, Ayaka!” She couldn’t hide the terrified desperation in her voice.

“Really? Well then if it’s nothing, then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I take a peek?”

 _“N-no!!!!!”_ Y/N tried to snatch it back, but Ayaka was too quick and strong for her, effortlessly holding her off with one hand and beginning to leaf through the sketchbook with the other.

This was it. Her life was over. Ayaka was going to find out, and being the biggest gossip in the whole palace she was surely going to tell _everybody_ and then the whole staff would know and then it would certainly spread to the court and _no one_ at court knew how to keep their mouth shut and then eventually someone would tell the Fire Lord himself and then her life would be completely _over._ She’d have to find a new job maybe move to a new _country_ change her name—

Her frantic mental ramblings were cut off by Ayaka’s raucous laughter. “Oh. My. _Spirits!_ You have a _crush_ on the **_Fire Lord?!?!?!?!”_**

Y/N swore her face had never felt so hot in her life. “N-no I don’t…! He’s just, um, a good practice model…! Since I see him every day…!”

Ayaka gave her a smug grin. “Uh huh. _Sure._ And all these _sexy_ pictures—” She waved the drawing she had been working on in the air. “Those are for practice too?”

“Action poses!” Y/N protested, still frantically grabbing for the book but to no avail. “It’s easier to understand the form when there’s less clothes…!” (Which was actually one hundred percent true but it didn’t change the fact she was still lying through her teeth about using him as a ‘practice model’).

“Yeah. Right. So I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if I went and showed him?” Her grin widened dangerously, a terrifyingly mischievous gleam in her eye. “I’m sure he’d be _flattered._ I mean, it’s just practice, right?”

Y/N’s heart stopped, her blood running cold. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Ayaka cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, but I would. _Oh Mr. Fire Lord~!”_

In an act of pure desperation, Y/N tackled Ayaka. But she was too quick, leaving Y/N face-first on the ground as Ayaka bolted out the door. Y/N sprinted after her, dashing down the hall and screeching like a mad woman. _“COME BACK HERE AYAKA THAT DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU!!!”_

Unfortunately, Y/N’s wild desperation was no match for Ayaka’s speed and agility, ducking in and out of doors and down narrow hallways. There was no way in _hell_ Y/N was going to just sit back and let her do who knows what with her not-so secret sketchbook, though, so she made chase, bursting out of the servant’s quarters and into the palace proper, startling a group of nobles walking by. She couldn’t care, though, as she raced down the corridor, lamps flickering wildly as she passed. _“AYAKA WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GO COME BACK HERE!!!!”_

The sound of her crazed cackling alerted her of the direction the thief went in, so Y/N made a mad dash that way. Ayaka grinned back at her. “Sorry, but I’ve got something _very_ important to show the Fire Lord!”

All the blood drained from Y/N’s face as a heavy dread settled in the pit of her stomach. Tears stung her eyes as she chased her through the palace. _“Please!”_ she begged. _“Please give it back this isn’t funny!”_

But Ayaka didn’t pay her pleas any mind, continuing racing around and laughing. Y/N couldn’t keep up, her lungs and legs burning from overexertion. But she couldn’t just let her get away. She tracked her down to an open balcony overlooking the gardens, and who was standing a floor below in the courtyard other than His Majesty himself, Fire Lord Zuko.

Y/N shook her head frantically. _‘Oh spirits, oh spirits, oh spirits fuck no not like this have pity on me.’_

Ayaka grinned back at her, the sketchbook still held tightly in her hand. “Oh, _Your Majesty!”_

 _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck_ he heard her and now he was looking up there at them and Y/N had no idea what to do. But wait, Ayaka had cornered herself! So, like a woman possessed Y/N tackled Ayaka and made another grab for the book. Unfortunately, she overshot, sending both of them tumbling over the edge of the balcony in a tangled mess of arms and legs. They landed on the ground with a hard _thud._ Luckily, the balcony wasn’t _too_ high up, otherwise Y/N probably would have broken a few ribs, but she was still sore. She raised her head, groaning in pain, before regaining all her energy when she saw that Ayaka was still clutching her sketchbook in her hands. She reached for it, but Ayaka somehow still had the energy (and the absolute _gall)_ to try and keep it away from her. “Give it back, Ayaka it’s mine!!! You weren’t even supposed to see it!”

“Holy shit, Y/N chill out it’s not a big deal! You just threw me off a balcony, what the hell is wrong with you?!?!”

 _“Me???_ What’s wrong with _ME?!?!?!”_ She seethed. “What’s wrong with _YOU?!?!?!_ You don’t steal people’s stuff and then go tearing around the palace waving it in the air!!!! What are you, eight?!?!”

“Oh my spirits, it was a _joke!_ Lighten up!”

 _“No!_ No I will not _lighten up!_ I have _every right_ to be angry!!! Give it back!!!!!”

“What, no! Not until you chill out! Get off of me!”

“Get your elbow out of my face!”

“Get your face out of my elbow!”

“I am perfectly justified—”

“I thought you could take a _joke—”_

“Um, excuse me?” Their heads shot up to see Fire Lord Zuko standing not even ten feet away, an uncomfortable expression on his face. “Are you two okay?”

Ayaka gasped. “Y-Your Majesty!” In her shock, the sketchbook fell out of her hand, tumbling to the ground at the Fire Lord’s feet, still open to the shirtless drawing Y/N had been working on in her room.

Y/N’s entire body filled with horror as he leaned down and picked it up. His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed pink, his mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish. “Wow, um, Y/N, this is…”

She sprang up to her feet, white-hot shame and humiliation burning her face as she tried with everything within her to hold back the tears stinging her eyes and threatening to spill over. She didn’t even have it in her to register and be excited that he knew her name. “I-I am _so sorry…!”_ she cried. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned to yell at Ayaka still lying stunned on the ground. _“Ayaka you’re the worst best friend **ever!!!!!”**_ She choked back a sob before burying her face in her hands and running away back to her room.

Spirits, she was such an _idiot!_ It was only a matter of time before she got caught, what with keeping a sketchbook like that! And now her worst fears had come true and he _knew!_ There was no way he didn’t! How could she ever show her face around him again????

Well she was going to have to figure something out, because she was still his maid, and she still had work in the morning.


	2. I Don't Need You to Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the lovely comments last chapter! I really appreciate them! This chapter title is from "Used" by Wyvern Lingo. Great band and a great song! I hope you enjoy this chapter, please let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> I love Uncle Iroh so he is going to be in this fic quite a bit. Enjoy!
> 
> Word count: 3,519

Y/N had reverted back to her old tactics that she used to use when serving Princess Azula, now with Fire Lord Zuko. However, whenever she could, she found a way to pawn off dealing with him directly to someone else, instead opting to work in the kitchen or dust or whatever else that needed done that would keep her as far away from him as possible. She knew she couldn’t keep it up forever, but hopefully he would forget about it. It no doubt was more important to her than to him.

She also had refused to talk to Ayaka for a whole week. She could be a bit of a prankster, but she had never done anything so _cruel_ to her before. She would need a long, heartfelt apology before she was ready to speak to her again.

Fortunately, that’s what Ayaka came to give her when she knocked on her bedroom door during break exactly one week after the incident. Y/N opened the door and her expression immediately soured. She crossed her arms defensively. “What do _you_ want?”

Ayaka scratched the back of her head sheepishly, an apologetic look on her face. “Hey, uh, can I come in? I want to talk. To, um, apologize.”

Y/N’s glare hardened, but she opened the door further and moved out of the way. “Fine. But you better make it good.”

“Thank you,” she said, and she looked like she meant it. She shut the door behind her and stood in the middle of Y/N’s sparsely decorated room awkwardly. Y/N gave her an expectant look. Ayaka sighed. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. That was a really shitty thing of me to do and I am really, truly, genuinely sorry. I promise it’ll never happen again. I got carried away and I crossed a line, and it was super uncool of me to do that. I was a really awful friend.” She looked up at her with a small, apologetic half-smile. “But I really don’t think I can take any more of this silent treatment, so can we please go back to being friends again? I’ll get down on my knees and beg if I have to, but I can’t function without you.”

Y/N wanted to still be mad, but she sounded so genuinely regretful that she just couldn’t be. She smiled. “No, no, that won’t be necessary. I’ve missed you too.” Her smile turned sheepish. “And I’m sorry for tackling you off of the balcony.”

Ayaka held her arms out. “Hug it out?”

Y/N nodded. “Hug it out.” They hugged for a little bit before Y/N pulled away to say, “But, for the record, you owe me a new sketchbook. The Fire Lord still has mine. Unless he, like, threw it away or something.”

“Nah, I don’t think he’d do that.” Ayaka flopped down onto the bed, and Y/N joined her. “I’ll get you a new one next time I go into town. Oooooor—” She waggled her eyebrows. “You could just ask Fire Lord Hotstuff for it back.”

Y/N’s face burned. _“No._ No way in hell.”

“Hey, it’s just a suggestion.” She chuckled. “So you and the Fire Lord, huh? Honestly I’m a little hurt you never told me.”

“Why would I throw away nineteen years of carefully guarded secrecy? I love you, ‘Aya, but you’re terrible at keeping secrets, and I’ve worked too hard for this one to be compromised.”

Ayaka shot up, her eyes wide. “Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, you’ve been into Fire Lord Zuko for _nineteen years?!?!?!_ You were like, what, _five_ back then??? How is this the first time I’m hearing about this????”

Y/N sighed, looking away bashfully. “Because I truly intended on taking it to my grave. Unfortunately, it seems like that plan is out, considering now both you and him know. Spirits, what am I going to do?” She put her face in her hands and flopped onto her back on the bed. “It’s settled. I’ll have to move to the North Pole, integrate into the Northern Water Tribe. I’d probably never see him ever again there.”

Ayaka chuckled at her theatrics. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. It’s not _that_ bad. Maybe he didn’t figure it out.”

Y/N shot her an unimpressed look. “Ayaka, he’d either have to be blind, or the most oblivious man on the planet to _not_ know after seeing that.”

“Okay, so maybe he knows. But so what? What’s the worst that can happen? It’s not like it’s illegal to have a crush on him. And you said yourself you’re not going to do anything about it, so you can just carry on like normal, yeah?”

“Yeah, but it’ll be awkwaaaaaard.” She groaned. “What if he decides it’s too much of a hassle and he fires me?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Maybe. But you’re gonna have to get over it soon. You can’t keep avoiding him forever. And don’t worry! I’m sure he’s probably already forgotten about it. And even if he hasn’t, he doesn’t really strike me as the kind of guy who would fire you for something like that.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right…”

Ayaka grinned. “Of course I am! I’m always right!”

They chatted for a while longer, but their break came to an abrupt end when an older servant burst through the door. “Y/N, come quickly! The Fire Lord has fallen ill, and we need your assistance tending to him!”

She immediately sprang up, shrugging her work robes back on, and followed the older servant out of her room and through the palace to Fire Lord Zuko’s chambers. She heard Ayaka wish her luck, but her mind was already deep in work mode by then. “Is he alright? How bad is it? What exactly do you need me to do?”

“He has a fever. Nothing too serious, but he’ll need a few days of bedrest, according to the healers. Your job is to stay with him and make sure he’s as comfortable as possible. Water, pillows, blankets, you know the drill. Make sure he’s resting. Some healers might come and go, but for the most part everyone’s been instructed to leave him be. As his primary attendant, it’s been decided that you should stay with him for the rest of the evening. Someone will come and alert you when you may retire to your room for the night.” As they stopped outside the entrance to his bedroom, the older servant turned to her and gave her an encouraging smile. “Good luck. Take good care of him.”

“Of course.”

And with that, the older servant left, leaving Y/N all alone outside the Fire Lord’s bedroom.

She took a long breath to prepare herself. She knocked three times to alert him of her presence. Hearing no answer, she gently pushed the door open and poked her head inside. “Your Majesty?”

But there was no response to that either, because when she stepped inside, she found him fast asleep in his bed, his face flushed and his breathing heavy. A pang of hurt struck her heart seeing him so helpless, so obviously in pain. She sat down in the seat that had been placed beside his bed and removed the cloth from his forehead (she’d have to re-wet it in a moment). She placed the back of her hand on his forehead, eyebrows shooting high up upon the realization that his skin was _scorching_ hot. How long had that cloth been dry??? Nevermind, because she was going to wet it right now, and bring him a glass of water for when he woke up as well.

But before she exited briefly, she stopped and turned to look at his sleeping face, her eyes turning soft. She couldn’t help herself from whispering, “Sleep well, Your Majesty. I’ll make sure you feel better soon.”

She returned only a few minutes later. Along with the wet cloth and the drinking glass, she had also brought a small bucket of cool water in case she needed to re-wet the cloth again, so she wouldn’t have to leave him alone in case he woke up and needed something. She heard him grunt as she placed the cloth back onto his forehead. She paused, fearing that she had woken him, but after a few moments she untensed. Apparently, he just made noises in his sleep. Okay. She could deal with that. He made a few more soft mumbling noises as he shifted slightly. Honestly, she found it pretty adorable.

She settled back down on the chair beside his bed, sitting the glass down on the nightstand. She just looked at him for a moment, and while she had always found him handsome, she was struck by just how _beautiful_ he was. The pained look on his face had faded, leaving him just looking peaceful, serene. Servants liked to gossip, and one of the other maids’ favorite topics was just how attractive the Fire Lord was. They would always say how he was handsome _despite_ his scar. Though, sitting there with the opportunity to truly drink in his face, Y/N couldn’t help but think that that marred part of him was beautiful too. That, somehow, it _enhanced_ his beauty.

His scar was a reminder that his beauty wasn’t just external, but that he had a kind, compassionate soul as well. One that he had suffered for having. One that had surely been difficult to keep. One that he had perhaps lost at one point and had to gather the strength to rediscover. Spirits, how she wished she could know all he went through during his banishment—what triumphs he had met and what pains he had faced. She wished she could know everything about him, really. His wants, his hopes, his dreams, his plans. That she could be a confidant for him—to listen to his joys and his fears. And that he’d want to do that for her too.

But of course, it was only a dream. But sitting there beside his sleeping face, it was so easy to pretend that it wasn’t. So easy to pretend that she was a concerned friend, lover, or (spirits above forgive her for her indulgence) even a wife. That he loved her. And trusted her. And that was why she was caring for him, not because it was her job. That he would wake up and smile that beautiful smile at her, and he’d thank her for watching over him—for being there for him.

He probably would thank her when he woke up, if she was still there when he did. And she decided that would be enough for her.

After all, it wasn’t like she was in love with him. Maybe he knew her name, but he didn’t even know her favorite color. Or anything about her at all, really.

Or maybe she was just trying to come up with another arbitrary reason as to why she couldn’t possibly be _actually_ in love with him. Because if she was in love with him, then she knew she would be ripped to shreds one day. And so it was easier to pretend that it was just a crush, or an infatuation, despite the fact that she didn’t think crushes usually made your heart swell so big or your lungs feel so tight or make you have to resist the urge to trail your hand over their jaw and cup their cheek or make you want to touch their scarred places quite so much, letting them know that even those spots were loved.

She certainly didn’t think crushes were supposed to hurt so bad.

She sat there, watching over him for what felt like hours, having to replace the cloth a few times. But not once did he open his eyes. Not that she was bored. She would gladly care for him for days, weeks if she needed to—if it gave her more opportunities like this to contemplate and pretend.

He shifted, his expression becoming pained again for the first time since she’d first arrived. He let out a few quiet whimpers that broke her heart, his brow furrowed tightly. She couldn’t fight the impulse to reach her hand out and touch his face, gently smoothing the crease in his brow with her thumb as she cooed lovingly. “Shhhh, shhhh, it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re not alone. I’m not leaving you.”

“You must care for my nephew greatly.”

Y/N whipped around, her eyes wide with panic and her heart pounding so hard she could barely hear over the sound of blood rushing in her ears. Before her stood a kind-looking, elderly man, a gentle smile on his face. Spirits above, how had she not noticed someone opening the door?!?! Had she really been that lost in thought, that engrossed in her fantasy?!?!

Wait, he had called Fire Lord Zuko ‘nephew,’ so that must mean… She gasped and shot up to her feet, bowing lowly. “General Iroh!” she whisper-shouted, careful not to wake the sleeping Fire Lord. “I am so sorry—I didn’t hear you enter!”

He chuckled lightly, waving a hand. “Don’t worry about it, I apologize for starling you. And just Iroh is fine.” He made his way over to his nephew’s bedside, where Y/N was standing. He grinned knowingly. “I see you were having a moment.”

Every ounce of blood in her body rushed to her face. “I-I don’t believe I understand what you mean, sir…!”

“Of course you do. My nephew is lucky to have a young lady who cares for him so much looking after him.” He stated it like fact, his voice and expression never becoming anything less than kind.

Still, Y/N didn’t let her guard down. “What? O-of course I care for the Fire Lord…! It’s my job…! You see, I’m just a… maid.”

He frowned at that. “Why do you say ‘just,’ as though you have less value because you serve? If that’s what you think, let me tell you that it’s not true. And my nephew knows that as well.” There was a sly gleam in his eye. “He himself used to work as a humble waiter, after all.”

Y/N was so shocked by this new piece of information she didn’t even feel defensive that he definitely knew about her feelings. Her eyes practically bugged out of her skull. “He _what?!?!_ B-but he’s the _Fire Lord!_ He used to be a _prince!_ What, how…???”

He laughed heartily at her reaction. “Yes, it’s true. During his banishment, we stayed in Ba Sing Se for a time, and I ended up opening a tea shop. Zuko here was my best, and only, waiter.” He winked. “Though, of course, we went by different names at the time.”

Y/N was so flabbergasted she didn’t even know how to respond. It felt like she had unlocked something deeply personal, something not many people got to know. It was exactly what she had always wanted. But she couldn’t let herself get greedy. “I-I, wow. I, um, never would have known.”

“He doesn’t exactly look the part, does he?” He laughed again. “Between you and me, he wasn’t very good at it. Always so grumpy.”

She giggled despite herself. Now _that_ she could picture. “Y-yeah, I can see that. But… wow. Thank you for telling me that. I… I never would have even guessed that he once did something like that.” She tried to imagine it: a younger, grumpy Prince Zuko waiting tables, forcing smiles for rude customers. Maybe that was why he always seemed so appreciative to the staff—because he knew what it was like to be unappreciated. She didn’t think it was possible, but her heart swelled even bigger for him as she looked over at his sleeping face and pictured it, unable to hide the fondness in her eyes. She smiled softly to herself. “…We have something in common,” she murmured, more to herself than anything.

“You seem rather pleased by that.” There was that knowing grin again.

“W-what, no! I’m just, uh, flattered, is all, that such a, er, strong, honorable leader could ever have something in common with me…!” She chuckled nervously. _‘Dammit, Y/N, why must you be so bad at lying?!?!’_

He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, startling her. “Don’t worry.” He gave her a conspiratory wink. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Her face flushed hot, but she knew it was pointless to try and continue denying it. And for some strange reason, even though he was royalty and a renowned general and the _uncle_ of the man she’d been pining after for pretty much her entire life, she felt like she could trust him. She sighed, defeated. “Am I really that obvious?”

“It’s the look in your eyes that gives you away.” His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled. “You can’t hide love that strong, no matter how hard you try.”

“I-I wouldn’t call it _love…”_ But as she caught another glimpse of the Fire Lord’s peaceful, sleeping face, she knew he was right.

Iroh chuckled. “Well, whatever you call it, he’s lucky to have you.” He pulled up a chair from Fire Lord Zuko’s desk, bringing it up beside the other one Y/N had been sitting in, and he sat down, motioning for her to do the same. “So, how long have you known my nephew?”

It was an innocent question, but she was still extremely off-balance from being walked in on and discovered, so she still felt embarrassed answering. “W-well, I wouldn’t say I _know_ him; I just work for him. But I’ve been working at the palace for about nineteen or twenty years now.”

His eyebrows shot up. “That is quite some time. I’m sure he appreciates your service greatly.”

Y/N’s eyes turned downcast as she looked at the floor. “I-I wouldn’t really know.”

“And why is that? My nephew may not have much sense at all, but I thought he’d have more than to be rude to a beautiful young lady.”

She blushed at the compliment. “O-oh it’s nothing like that! He’s always been kind to me and the other servants. It’s just that…” She bit her lip, contemplating whether or not she should actually say what she was thinking. But Iroh seemed to be genuinely interested in what she had to say, and he didn’t seem like he would judge her. So she sighed and continued. “He’s never really spoken to me, is all, other than for a quick thank you or dismissal. Before last week, I didn’t even think he knew my name!” She laughed dryly. “He barely even knows who I am.”

He frowned. “If you’ve been with him for that long, then I’m sure that’s not true. He may not be very good at showing it, but he appreciates loyalty.” She couldn’t really think of anything to say to that, so she busied herself with replacing the cloth on Fire Lord Zuko’s forehead. Iroh sat silently as she worked, and also as she moved on to tidying things up around the room. After a while, he murmured quietly, “I take it you haven’t yet told him how you feel?”

She almost dropped the pile of laundry she was folding. She made a strange sort of choking noise as she tried (and failed) to get her bearings. “W-w-what?!?! N-no, of course not!!!” she stammered.

He smirked at her reaction. “Well, you had better get to it soon, then.”

She couldn’t believe her ears. “Why would I ever do _that????”_

“Well, it isn’t healthy for a young lady to keep quiet about such things for so long.” A knowing gleam that she was beginning to associate with him shone in his eyes again. “Surely you don’t plan on keeping it to yourself forever?”

“…”

“……”

“……… Actually that was exactly the plan.”

He burst out laughing at that, obviously struggling to stay quiet so as to not wake the sleeping Fire Lord. Y/N’s face burned with embarrassment. Iroh wiped a tear from his eye, his laughter subsiding into soft chuckles. “You’re funny. I think I like you, Miss…”

She couldn’t help the smile that graced her lips. “Y/N.”

“Well Y/N, how would you like to join me for tea sometime? I’ll be staying here at the palace until my nephew recovers, and I recently relocated my shop nearby. It’d be a joy to have you. And perhaps I can help you with your predicament.”

“W-what??? I-I would love to, but might I ask, why would you do that for me?”

“Call me a hopeless romantic, but I hate to see beautiful women sad.” He winked at her. “And it seems you and my nephew may have more in common than you think.”

_“W-what???”_

He laughed again and stood up. “Well, I’d best be getting to bed. I’ll leave my nephew in your capable hands. You’re welcome to join me for tea whenever you’d like. Have a good night.”

And then he left, leaving Y/N alone with the sleeping ruler of the nation to process what the holy hell had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the reader forgives Ayaka in this chapter, I'm sorry. But let's just say that the reader is a really forgiving person and she and Ayaka have been best friends for a really long time. She plays a role in a later chapter that requires for her and the reader to be on good terms, so she's forgiven. She's only in, like, three chapters though, so hopefully y'all don't mind too much.


	3. All I Wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so I just realized that I'm going to be busy all day tomorrow so I won't be able to post. So here's the next chapter a day early! Thank you everyone who commented such lovely comments! It really warms my heart to hear that y'all are enjoying my story!  
> The title is from "All I Wanted" by Paramore. Here's where stuff starts cooking! I hope you enjoy! Please let me know what you think in the comments!  
> P.S. The reader is so fucking awkward in this chapter it hurts. Make of that what you will.
> 
> Word count: 5,052

A week or so passed, and Y/N found herself taking up Iroh’s offer quite frequently. He was very enjoyable to talk to, and he told the best stories. She hadn’t learned so much about Fire Lord Zuko in all her time working for him than she did just by listening to Iroh, seeing as his adventures with his nephew was a favorite topic of his. Iroh was also surprisingly very wise, and she sort of started to see him as a grandfatherly mentor figure of sorts, as strange as that was.

He had promised to help her with her feelings for his nephew, and while she had no intention of _ever_ confessing to him ever, she still humored the older man. He gave her lots of advice about how to grow closer to him, get him to open up to her (mostly in the form of confusing proverbs). And the thing was, she trusted that they would probably work. Who knew the Fire Lord better than his beloved uncle? But she couldn’t possibly try. She knew that if she got any closer to him than she already was now, it would only hurt her more in the end.

Since she hadn’t been acting any different around the Fire Lord, you can imagine her shock when someone came to tell her that he had requested to speak with her. Privately. In his chambers.

Now, Y/N had been alone with the Fire Lord many times, but this was _very_ different. Then she had been working. Now he wanted to actually _speak_ with her. In private. In his chambers. Her mind ran wild, trying and failing to piece together what on _earth_ he could possibly need to talk to her about. The only conclusion she could come to was that he had _not_ forgotten about her humiliating episode with her sketchbook, and he had decided to fire her.

She stood outside his door, trying to gather the courage to knock. _‘Come on, Y/N, at least allow him to lay you off with dignity. This is probably his way of letting you off quietly—giving you the offer to resign or something.’_ She took a deep breath and knocked on the heavy door three times. She heard rustling inside, and then the door opened to reveal Fire Lord Zuko. He wore only a casual, loose tunic, and his hair wasn’t pulled back as tightly as it usually was. It confused her. Why was he dressed so informally when he was about to formally fire her? He gave her a small smile, and her heart stuttered in her chest despite herself. “Y/N,” he said. “Thank you for coming to see me today, come in.” He stepped out of the doorway and motioned for her to enter.

She swallowed thickly and followed him inside. He shut the door behind her, only serving to further fry her nerves. She felt herself begin to sweat as he turned to face her, but she managed to conceal her nervousness fairly well. “You wanted to speak with me, Your Majesty?” Too bad that one of the first real conversations she had with him would be him telling her to find another job. Under any other circumstance she would have been ecstatic that he wanted to talk to her.

“Yes. And, um, please call me Zuko. This isn’t a… professional matter.”

Y/N’s brain would have been imploding in on itself at the fact that he wasn’t firing her and that he’d just told her to call him by his _first name,_ if it wasn’t for the fact that he sounded a little… _nervous???_ And if she didn’t know better, she would have _sworn_ there was a light dusting of pink across his cheekbones. But that had to be a trick of the light. And she had to be hearing things. Because _Fire Lord Zuko_ couldn’t _possibly_ be nervous around _her._

So she ignored it. And she did as she was told, because, well, he was the Fire Lord, and she would do anything for him. But it didn’t stop her little stutter, though. “Okay, Z-Zuko. So, um… What is it you wanted to speak with me about?”

A conflicted look crossed his face before he stalked over to his desk. He opened a drawer and pulled something out. Y/N’s eyes widened when she saw what it was. He turned back around to face her, but he couldn’t meet her eyes as he held out her sketchbook to her, the one that Ayaka had stolen and dropped in front of him two weeks ago. “I, um—” He cleared his throat (and there was _definitely_ some pink on his cheeks). “You forgot this. I’m sorry for not getting it back to you sooner but, I, um…” A beat. “You’re a very good artist.”

Every ounce of blood in her entire body rushed to her face in a tsunami of total, abject mortification. He’d… been… _looking?!?!_ Through her _sketchbook?!?!_ The super-secret one that contained _exclusively_ drawings of him, many of them featuring him _shirtless?!?!_ Never before in her life had she wished that she was an earthbender, but now she would give _anything_ to be able to make the ground open up beneath her and swallow her whole.

She had no idea how to respond, so she just stood there dumbly, wishing that she could spontaneously combust and not have to deal with this situation (technically, she _could,_ but it was probably a really bad idea to start hurling fireballs while in the Fire Lord’s bedroom). Her mouth hung open like a gaping fish as she just stared at him, the sketchbook, and back up at him again. She made a few pitiful, strangled noised before she managed to choke out, “S-so you looked through it…?”

And then Y/N got to witness a sight she never thought she would ever see: his face flushed _red._ All the way from his neck to the tips of his ears. “N-no…! I mean, well… maybe a little. I deeply apologize, I know it was none of my business. It’s no excuse, but I was… curious.” His eyes remained firmly averted to the side, his arm still holding out the book for her to take.

She panicked. And in an act of desperation to explain herself, she squeaked out, “Th-that’s not the only sketchbook I own!”

“Wh-what?”

Her face burned hot, realizing how that sounded. “N-no! N-not like that, I-I mean, I draw other things…! Not just you…! I-I-I…” Oh spirits, she was only making this worse for herself, wasn’t she?

“A-anyways—” Somehow his face seemed even _redder_ now. “I’m sorry.”

She managed to muster up enough sense to take the sketchbook from him, clutching it tight to her chest, but all she could think was _fuck._ Spirits above, there was no way he didn’t know how she felt about him, not after he saw her drawings! Maybe he wouldn’t fire her, but she had no idea how she would be able to look him in the eye again now that he _knew._ She was beyond embarrassed, beyond mortified. She felt _dirty._ Like she had violated him somehow now that he knew of her feelings. She blinked back the tears stinging her eyes and forced what she hoped was a convincing smile. She just wanted this conversation to be over as soon as humanly possible so she could go back to her room and try to forget it ever happened. “N-no, don’t be sorry…! It was my fault for having it out in the first place…! Thank you for returning it. I-I should probably take my leave now if that was all, you’re a very busy man and I certainly wouldn’t want to take up too much of your time, Mr. Fire Lord, Sir.” She started to slowly back away towards the door.

“Wait!” he yelled a little too loudly. She jumped, terror evident in her eyes. A guilty look crossed over his face. “S-sorry for yelling, it’s just, um…” He paused and bit his lip. “……You’re a firebender, right?”

She blinked. “Um… yes…? H-how… how do you know that?”

“It’s just that, well… your book is filled with drawings… of me firebending. S-so, I just kind of assumed that, you know… you were one.” He paused awkwardly, just staring at her. He averted his eyes again. “So are you… trained or anything…?”

Was… was he trying to… make small talk with her? Spirits, he had terrible social skills, she almost could have laughed if she wasn’t so extremely confused and overwhelmed. Had he always been this awkward? And… did he really not know??? After seeing her sketchbook _dedicated entirely to him????_ Did he really think she was just interested in **_firebending?!?!_** How was the _ruler of a nation_ that **_dense?!?!_** Though, well, at least that meant her secret was safe. For now. Somehow. But why was he trying to talk to her? Oh shit he asked her a question and he was looking at her she should probably respond. “What, who, me? Oh, um, no. No. I-I mean, I always wanted to be, but you don’t need to know a whole lot more than warming up tea as a maid, you know?” She let out a nervous little chuckle that she hoped would make the air less uncomfortable. It didn’t work.

He frowned. “Oh, um, I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry.” A conflicted look crossed his face for a moment before he blurted out, “Would you like to join me in my training? I’ve taught a little before—I could teach you some things. I-if you’d like, of course.”

His face may have been red as he asked, but it was nothing compared to the furious crimson blush that overtook Y/N. He wanted to _teach her??? **Firebending???**_ Not only would she get to spend time with him, but she would also get to finally realize her dream of being a real firebender—one that could do more than just light candles or boil water? And learn how to stop making the lamps leave scorch marks on the ceiling every time she got angry or embarrassed? Spirits, she could already feel her hands heating up; if she weren’t so stunned, she was certain her fingers and the tips of her hair would be sparking. She thought she might faint. But why the holy _hell_ would he offer to do something like that for her??? But she was so surprised she couldn’t think to do anything but nod dumbly. “Y-yeah. Okay.” She cleared her throat and remembered herself enough to bow. “Th-thank you for your generosity, my Lord. I would be honored to be your student.”

She thought she saw his eye twitch ever-so slightly when she said ‘honored,’ but it happened so quick she couldn’t be sure. He waved his hand. “Please, there’s no need for that. It’s not a trouble. And please, just Zuko is fine.” He chuckled lightly. “I mean, you’ve been working for me since I was five years old. The least I can do is show you some poses and let you call me by my first name.”

She gasped. “Wait, you actually _remember_ me???” She couldn’t hold back her words in her surprise.

His brow furrowed. “What? Of course I do. I saw you every day growing up. How could I not?”

“I-it’s just that, uh—I just sort of always assumed that you… didn’t notice me.”

He frowned, and a guilty look crossed over his face. “I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. I assure you that I did. And I apologize if you ever feel unappreciated. I may not be great at showing it, but I promise you I greatly value the work you do for me.”

A furious blush overtook her face once again. She knew in her head that he’d probably say the exact same thing to any of his servants, but in her heart, she couldn’t help but feel… special. Like she mattered to him. And she couldn’t control the way her heart fluttered giddily like a hyper-active butterfly. She didn’t know what to say. “O-oh… I, um… Thank you. That means a lot… to hear that from you.”

He smiled softly. “I’m just being honest. So… I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Well, I do work tomorrow, so yes.” She couldn’t manage to hold back the quip.

His cheeks flushed. “Oh, um, yes. Of course. Just… be ready to do some bending. Have a good rest of your day, Y/N.”

Her heart skipped a beat as he said her name. “You as well, Your Ma—I-I mean, Zuko.” That was going to take some getting used to.

And then she left, returning to what she had been working on before she was summoned. But all throughout the day, she couldn’t stop thinking about what Zuko said to her. Or the fact that she would actually be _joining_ him for his training the next day.

She just hoped she didn’t make a fool of herself with her pitiful firebending.

* * *

Zuko liked to train smack-dab in the middle of the day, taking time out of his busy schedule every day to practice while the sun was highest in the sky. Unfortunately for Y/N, that meant it was _very_ hot. Even though she grew up in the Fire Nation, she would never get used to the blistering summer heat. She understood why he always insisted on taking his shirt off. Unfortunately, Y/N would probably get arrested if she did that. So she just had to suffer.

She met him in the courtyard, and to say she was nervous would have been an understatement. Nervous. But also excited. _Very_ excited. Her parents and the other servants had always discouraged her from learning about bending. According to her older coworkers, it would just be a distraction from her work. Her parents, however, were afraid of her cultivating her abilities in fear that she may be naturally gifted, and then Fire Lord Ozai might take her away and have her groomed to be a soldier. She never held it against them, but she always wished she could have learned, even if just a bit. But now, with Ozai gone and the new Fire Lord explicitly offering to teach her, those obstacles were rendered obsolete. It was thrilling.

~~(And only partially because she was going to be standing so close to a _very_ shirtless Zuko).~~

He was already there when she arrived, and she bowed respectfully in greeting. “I apologize if I kept you waiting, Your Ma—I mean, Zuko. Thank you for doing this for me.”

He smiled. “You’re fine, don’t worry. And I’m happy to help. So, do you know anything about firebending?”

Her face warmed. She found it a little embarrassing to have to admit that no, she didn’t. “N-not really. I mean, I can warm up lukewarm drinks and sometimes my room almost burns down when I get angry, but that’s pretty much it.” She chuckled, and she liked to think she sounded slightly less nervous than yesterday.

“I see. That’s okay, we can start at the beginning. It’ll be good for me to review the basics.” He gave her an encouraging smile that made her heart thump hard in her chest. It made her feel a lot better to see that he wasn’t going to judge her for her lack of experience. He continued. “Let’s start with something simple. Why don’t you watch first, and then I’ll walk you through it.”

“O-okay.”

He got into his stance and took a deep breath. His expression shifted into one of complete focus. Then his feet shifted like a dancer, and with a yell he vaulted himself forward and thrust his arms out in front of him, launching a hot ball of fire from his clenched fist into one of the targets.

Y/N swallowed. That looked… kind of complicated. He moved so quickly, so fluidly, and with such force. It was honestly a little intimidating. She wasn’t totally sure she’d be able to do that. ~~(And it didn’t help that he already had his shirt off and looked so _beautiful_ while doing it, the toned muscles of his arms and legs flexing in a way that left her mouth feeling dry).~~

He turned to her and shot her an encouraging smile upon seeing her terrified expression. “I know it might look a bit complex, but it’s really not that bad once you get the hang of it. The key is to shift your weight between poses; that’s what keeps you grounded. I’ll slow it down, and why don’t you try it with me? No fire needed right now.”

That made her feel a little better, that he wouldn’t be judging her on her actual fire yet. He demonstrated the different poses in the move, and she tried her best to mimic them. He had to alter a few things about her foot stance, but overall he seemed pleased. Y/N still felt like she had no idea what she was doing, but it warmed her heart to the point where it almost burned to see he was happy with her. They practiced shifting between the poses, and after a few minutes she had that down pretty well too.

“Okay, good. Now why don’t you add the fire into it. Make sure to keep your hand in a fist as you punch it forward, and be sure to keep plenty of force behind it so it keeps moving.”

Blood drained from her face. Poses she could do, but actually making fire? In front of somebody? She wasn’t totally confident in herself. She didn’t want to disappoint him, not after he took time out of his busy day to help teach her, but she didn’t know if she was even _capable_ of creating a fire ball that big. Still, she’d at least have to give it a try. So she got into her first stance, took a deep breath like she saw him do before, and launched into the rest of the pose. However, instead of sending a blast of fire in front of her, only a few pitiful sparks and a puff of smoke emitted from her hand.

She tentatively turned back towards him, afraid to see the disappointment on his face. But he didn’t look disappointed, or even perturbed. Just thoughtful. “Hmm. Try it again, and make sure you prepare the fire well in advance.”

She was surprised. He was making for a very understanding and constructive teacher. She would have thought that with his temper, he would have been at least a little irked by her failure, even if this was the first time she’d ever done this. It brought her some comfort. She did it again, following his instructions. Her fist sparked for a little longer this time, but it still fizzled out and died before ever becoming something even moderately resembling a fireball.

He hummed. “Okay, try it one more time, but make sure to let out all of your breath as you push out.”

She did as he said, only to receive the same results. A few sparks and another bucket of sweat dripping down her back. Spirits, she wished it were socially acceptable for women to take off their shirts in public. “I-I’m sorry. I think I just might not be very good at this. I’m sorry for making you waste your time.” She hung her head in shame, her hands coming together in front of her to fidget nervously.

He frowned. He walked over to her and placed an impossibly warm hand on her shoulder. “Don’t say that. I’m not wasting my time, and you aren’t making me do anything. I’m doing this because I want to.”

“Why do you want to help me?” she blurted out before she could stop herself. It had been weighing on her mind ever since he’d offered to teach her. She was just a maid. She didn’t even _need_ to know how to firebend to do her job—heck, most of the other servants were nonbenders! No matter how she wrapped her head around it, she couldn’t see how he benefitted at all. Her voice grew timid again. “I-I mean, it doesn’t really seem like you’re getting anything out of it…”

He blinked, and a blush slowly crept up his face, as though he wasn’t prepared for that question. He paused for a moment, before he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze planted on the ground. “I…… You just seemed so upset when I saw your sketchbook. I was obviously never meant to see it, and I felt terrible for making you cry like that. So I thought that maybe giving you lessons would make up for that.” He bowed his head to hide the way his blush darkened. “Also, I, um… While I was sick. You took care of me. I woke up at some point, and I saw that you had fallen asleep in the chair beside my bed. I, um—I mean—You just—” He sighed. “You obviously were working very hard to make sure I got better. I… appreciate that. A lot. You didn’t have to stay with me all night like that. And since you did something for me, I thought it’d be nice to, you know, do something for you.” He gave her a nervous smile.

Her heart stopped. She didn’t know how to describe the way her heart felt other than that it was like it was being squeezed in someone’s fist. In a good way, though. He… he appreciated her. _Her_ specifically. Not just, like, blanket gratitude for the work all of his staff did, but for something that _she_ did. And he was so thankful he felt the need to pay her back. Sure, there was some guilt mixed in there, but she was more focused on the gratitude part. “I, oh, um… you’re welcome, and, uh… thank you. For telling me.” She let a soft smile grow on her lips as she looked up at him, her heart feeling so very full.

“No, no, thank _you.”_ he said, and the sincerity in his voice made her melt. He smiled. “So, do you want to continue? I think I know what your problem might be. I once had issues with my fire too.”

Her eyes went wide. “R-really?” She couldn’t imagine _the_ Fire Lord Zuko, one of the strongest firebenders in the world, ever having difficulty making fire.

“Yeah. I, um, don’t usually tell people this, but when I first started teaching the avatar firebending, I couldn’t seem to make any fire bigger than a small spark or two. We had to go on a, um, a bit of an adventure to figure out how to get my fire back.” He let out a little laugh.

“Really? Wow, I, uh, never would have thought that _you_ would ever have trouble with something like that.”

His brow furrowed. “What do you mean by that?”

“O-oh…! It’s just that you’re, well, you’re s-so strong and skilled a-and I just, would never think th-that you would ever… struggle like that.” She felt her voice getting smaller as she spoke, slowly closing back in on herself.

But he didn’t judge her or reprimand her for making such a confession. Instead, he smiled. “Hey, firebending isn’t easy. Anybody can struggle with it. I think the reason why you’re having some trouble making fire is because you don’t have anything fueling it.”

She cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?”

“Let me explain. Firebending is fueled by strong emotions or convictions. You use the energy from that to create fire. That’s why you sometimes catch things on fire when you get angry.” He gave her an understanding look. “But anger isn’t a good thing to fuel it with. It might be strong, but it lacks control, and the second you stop being angry you won’t be able to bend anymore.” A strange look passed over his face, leading her to believe that perhaps he knew that from experience. But she didn’t push it. “So,” he continued, and she realized his hand was still on her shoulder. “What do you feel strongly about? You don’t have to tell me, but just think about it. Then, use that as energy for your fire.” He took a few steps away to give her some room.

She thought. What _did_ she feel strongly about? Her whole life she’d been told that strong emotions would just made her an unpleasant servant (not that it stopped her from feeling them, but she’d learned how to hide them), and that convictions were unnecessary. After all, it didn’t matter what she’d wanted. The wants and needs of the royal family came first. The only thing she’d allowed herself to want was……… Zuko. Want him to be comfortable, happy, content. Want him to be safe. Want him to be hers, no matter how impossible she knew it was.

And now, she wanted him to be pleased with her. Wanted him to be proud of her. Wanted him to be proud of the progress she was making. Wanted him to smile at her again and tell her she did a good job. Wanted him to put his hand back on her shoulder again.

She supposed she had more desires than she thought. And hey, at least that was something.

She got back into the beginning stance and took a long breath. She thought about just how much she wanted to make him happy, about how her heart swelled and broke just a little every time he laughed. How she wanted him to see her, know her, care for her the same way she cared for him. As she focused on this, she felt a stream of heat coil in her center and down to her arms and hands. She shifted into the rest of the move with a yell, and this time a giant white ball of fire shot out of her fist.

She was so stunned she took a step back and stared at her hands. She had no idea she could do _that,_ make a flame that hot. She could still feel the tingle of warmth in her fingertips. She looked over at Zuko to gauge his reaction. His eyes were wide, his eyebrow high up by his hairline. “Wow,” he said, walking back over to her. “That was… really good. Especially for a beginner. Good thing I took a step back.” He chuckled. He put his hand on her shoulder again. “I think you have to potential to be a really great firebender one day. Would you like to join me again tomorrow?”

Her face flushed at his praise. She nodded. “Y-yeah I think I’d really like that.”

He grinned, and she didn’t think she’d ever seen him look so delighted. There was a gleam in his golden eyes that made them shine like polished brass. “Great! Honestly, I’m surprised your parents never had you trained—you have a real gift.”

Her expression darkened at the mention of her being gifted, and she felt more grateful for her parents’ decision to not have her trained than ever. That meant that their fears were founded. She felt chills run up and down her spine at the thought of what could have happened had they known, had Ozai found out.

Zuko’s smile fell. “What’s wrong?

She debated whether or not she should open up to him, but she just couldn’t lie to those gentle, concerned eyes. “…My parents didn’t want me to practice, because they were afraid that I might have a talent for it. A-and if I was talented, they were afraid Fire Lord Ozai might take me away and have me trained to be in the military. I now see that their fears were founded. I never resented them for their decision, but it’s a bit shocking.”

A grim look crossed over his face. Guilt and regret shone in his eyes so deeply, it made her heart hurt. “I’m sorry your family had to go through that. I promise I am committed to righting all the wrongs my father has committed. I would be honored to continue teaching you in order to make it up to you.” And then he did something Y/N never thought she would ever see. He _bowed_ to her. _Fire Lord Zuko_ bowed to _her._ A _maid._ She was stunned speechless. It all felt so _wrong._ Royalty doesn’t bow to their servants, that’s just not how it _worked._ But, honestly, the more time she spent with Zuko, the more she found herself questioning what exactly was the way things worked. He kept subverting all her expectations about how royalty should interact with their servants. It was… nice. Very nice. Like he didn’t think he was better than her or above her in any way (which would make sense, if he actually did use to be a waiter). And she found it only made her admire and respect him even more.

“I-I… I really don’t know what to say…” She smiled up at him. “Thank you, Yo—Zuko.” It would still take some time for her to get used to talking to him casually.

A light pink flush bloomed on his cheeks as he looked down at her. He averted his eyes and coughed into his fist. “Y-You’re welcome. I… I think that’s enough work for today. Why don’t you just take the rest of the day off. All I have is meetings and paperwork for the rest of the afternoon, so I doubt there’ll be much for you to do anyway. Thank you for training with me today. I’ll see you tomorrow."

Before she could question him, or even thank him, he turned on his heel and quickly walked away and back inside. She stood there for a moment. Her lips slowly morphed into a soft smile. She never would have thought that he’d be so painfully awkward, or so sincere, or patient with her. She found it sweet. She couldn’t help the warm glow in her heart as she went back to her room to spend the rest of the day sketching. She was going to be looking forward to these lessons.


	4. Just The Price I Pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, this is where that "mild smut" tag comes in. I have no excuses other than I was really thirsty while writing this chapter. Sorry. You can easily skip it if you want. But, anywho, enjoy this SUPER long, SUPER fluffy chapter. This is the longest one in the book, I think, clocking in at 7,627 words. The title is from "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers. Enjoy! Please let me know what you think in the comments!

_Fire Lord Zuko stood behind Y/N, his hands resting on her bare shoulders as he gently turned her to properly face the targets. They trailed slowly down her arms, leaving white-hot chills in their wake. He leaned in, his lips brushing the shell of her ear as he spoke in a low, husky voice. “Like this. You’re not focused.”_

_Her breath stuttered in her chest. “N-no, I’m… a little distracted…”_

_He chuckled, a smooth, honeyed sound that would have made her knees buckle had it not been for his strong grip on her upper arms. “Obviously. But you’re going to have to learn how to bend with some distractions. Let’s call this an exercise.” His lips brushed behind her ear, leaving a tender kiss on the sensitive skin there. She shivered, her stance faltering as he moved to run his tongue along the shell of her ear, catching her earlobe between his teeth. “Focus,” he whispered. “Pretend I’m not here.”_

_But that was easier said than done, because he began to trail burning, open-mouthed kisses down her neck, his tongue poking out to lap at the salt lingering on her skin from the rigorous training session. She let out a high-pitched whimper as he nipped at a sensitive spot near her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face away to expose more of her tender throat to him. He let out a soft groan as he left more little bites, soothing the pleasant sting with a few swipes of his tongue_

_Her mouth felt like it was full of cotton, her chest heaving as she tried fruitlessly to catch her breath. He slowly trailed one of his hands from her arm and down her bare stomach, teasing his fingers under the fabric of her chest wrappings. A fire that had nothing to do with bending coiled and pulsed in her abdomen as his skilled fingers travelled lower, closer and closer to where she needed him._

_Her breathing labored as he skipped over her painfully clenching core to grip her inner thigh. Her head fell back as she leaned on him for support, a whine leaving her mouth as she tried to grab onto him for purchase. He tsked lowly in her ear. “You need to widen your stance. Here, like this.” He pressed against her thigh, forcing her to take a step out, spreading her legs apart. She could feel him smile against her skin. “Good,” he purred. “Now, focus on the heat.”_

_That wouldn’t be difficult. Right now, the only thing she could think about was the scorching heat between her legs as his nimble fingers massaged the meat of her thigh and he continued to plant wet kisses up and down her neck, tugging the skin between his teeth as he worked. His fingers slowly crept higher and higher, his other hand still firmly wrapped around her upper arm, the only thing keeping her from careening over and to the ground. She panted heavily and bit her lip. She thought he murmured something into her neck, but she couldn’t hear anything over the roaring rush of blood in her ears. She gasped as his fingers quickly dipped in and back out of her underwear, snapping the waistband. She felt him smirk and chuckle against her neck. Then, his hand went back in fully this time and the pads of his fingers brushed against her and she let out a high, keening moan and he probed at her entrance and then………_

* * *

Y/N bolted upright in bed, sweat dripping down her forehead and her whole body flushed from her head to her toes. She clutched her chest and panted as she processed what had just happened. When realization dawned on her, she groaned, burying her face in her hands and flopping back down on the bed. She just had a _sex dream_ about her _boss,_ the _Fire Lord._ And a _good_ one at that, not that she’d ever admit that to herself. Spirits, it felt so _real._ She could still feel the ghost of his hands on her skin, his mouth on her neck. She sighed as she recalled the sensation.

Fuck, she was acting like a horny teenage virgin (not that she wasn’t a virgin, but that was besides the point). Sure, she’d had dreams about him before, but never one like _that._ Usually the farthest they got before she woke up was some kissing, maybe his hand on her thigh or some light making out. But even those were a bit of a rarity. Most of her dreams featuring him were fairly innocent, like handholding and stuff, or at least so fuzzy and intangible that she couldn’t remember them in the morning. Shit, she didn’t think that what happened at training the day before would fuck her up so bad.

It had been a few weeks since her first firebending lesson with Zuko, and they’d had one almost every day since. He seemed pleased by her progress, which made her extremely happy as well. But the day before had been blisteringly hot, so much so that she just wasn’t able to focus. Zuko recommended that she go and change into something lighter, but she confessed that she really didn’t own much clothing other than her uniform (her family may be palace servants, but they were still servants, nonetheless. It didn’t pay all that well).

In light of such information, he simply proposed that she take her top off like he did. He obviously wasn’t thinking as he said it, because it was followed by a stammered apology and a fierce blush. Y/N was embarrassed but _damn_ was it hot and she really wanted nothing more than to remove a few layers, and the heat must have gotten to her head because she shyly asked if it was really okay. So one thing led to another and before she knew it she was training without a shirt with Zuko, who was also shirtless.

It didn’t help matters that they were working on a bit more complicated move, so he had to keep adjusting her poses. By _touching_ her. With those warm, strong, skilled hands. Her heart had been racing then and it was racing now just thinking about it. And apparently, she had been thinking about it while she was sleeping because she had a _wet dream_ about it. Trying to act normal around him today would be difficult. Thank the spirits she woke up before it got too intense, otherwise she _really_ wouldn’t be able to face him.

She groaned again and got out of bed, preparing herself for the day. Zuko had requested his breakfast be brought to him in his study today, so she needed to be quick. She fixed her hair and put on some makeup in the mirror, hoping beyond hope that she looked like someone who _didn’t_ have wet dreams about their boss. And then she was off.

She knocked on the door to his study, holding a large silver tray packed with piping hot food. The smell made her mouth water and her stomach growl, as she had yet to eat that morning. But the Fire Lord’s meal always came first (even if the chefs made way too much food for one person and they always ended up throwing a lot of it away). A “Come in” sounded from inside the room, and she opened the door and stepped inside.

She bowed, careful not to tip the tray. “Fire L—Zuko. Your breakfast.” He had _insisted_ that she continue calling him by his first name even while she was working. It was proving to be quite the adjustment.

He looked up from the scroll he was reading at his desk and smiled. “Y/N, thank you. It’s good to see you this morning.” He raised an eyebrow, his smile becoming something more akin to a half-smirk. “But how many times do I have to tell you, you don’t have to bow every time you see me? We’re friends; it’s unnecessary.”

She almost choked on air, her face heating up. He… thought they were _friends???_ Sure, they’d gotten a bit chummier with all her firebending practice, but still??? Spirits, she was _friends_ with Fire Lord Zuko, the man she had been practically in love with since she was five years old. It was more than she could ever have hoped for. It made her feel light and dizzy, but she stayed grounded enough to respond. “I-I apologize. Force of habit.” She walked over to his desk and sat down the tray, smiling softly. “Have a good breakfast.” She turned to go leave, but she stopped when she heard him sigh, looking back over her shoulder at him.

“It looks like they made too much food once again. I hate letting it all go to waste, but there’s no way I can eat all of this on my own.” He averted his eyes, pink crawling up his face. “W-why don’t you join me? You must be hungry this early in the morning, and I could use the company. Also, there’s, um, something I need to talk to you about.”

As much as she wished to maintain proper social graces and decline, she had a feeling he wouldn’t take no for an answer, not without a legitimate excuse. And she couldn’t very well decline if he needed to speak with her (she tried her very hardest to force her mind to not run wild). And, also, she _was_ very hungry. A fact her stomach felt the need to remind her of at that very moment, growling loudly. She gave him a sheepish smile. “That sounds very nice, actually. Thank you.”

He smiled back at her. “No, thank you.”

She pulled up a chair from somewhere else in the room and sat down across from him. They ate quietly for a while, and Y/N practically _melted_ at the taste. The servants got pretty good food, but it was _nothing_ compared to what the chefs made for the Fire Lord. She moaned in delight.

“I take it you enjoy the food?” She looked up to see that his face was a very dark shade of red.

“O-oh, um, sorry about that. Yes, I do. The royal chefs sure are something else.” She chuckled weakly.

“Y-yes, I suppose they are.” A beat. “S-so… how did you sleep?”

Now it was her turn to blush furiously, trying not to choke on her food. “O-o-oh, um… good, good. And you?” Spirits, she wanted to cringe. This felt _way_ too much like an awkward first date for her comfort (not that she’d ever really been on a date before, but Ayaka talked about them sometimes).

“Good, actually. Better than I have in a long time. I think it’s been good for me to have something to focus on other than work. B-by that I mean teaching you.” He flashed her a small smile.

Her heart warmed. At least she wasn’t the only one getting something out of it. “Pleased to be of service.”

They continued eating quietly until Zuko broke the silence. “So, there has been something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about.”

She tried to conceal the way her heart rate spiked with anxiety. “Yes? What is it?”

“I need to take a trip to the Southern Water Tribe for a few days to discuss some things with Chief Hadoka. It’s a small settlement, and I’ll only be there for a short while, but the court insisted I take at least one servant with me. I was hoping that could be you.” He gave her an encouraging smile, a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. “I promise you’ll be safe, there will still be guards around, and the Southern Water Tribe is a very calm area, so I don’t foresee there being any danger. Would you care to join me?”

Y/N flushed. She felt truly honored that he thought to ask her, specifically, to accompany him. “O-of course! When are we leaving?”

He smiled, pleased. “Tomorrow. And be sure to pack warmly—I’ve made that mistake too many times, and let me tell you, frostbite is _not_ fun.” He laughed lightly.

She found herself chuckling along with him. “I’ll be sure to do that. But, may I ask, why exactly did you choose me to accompany you? There are plenty of older, more experienced servants that could easily take my place.” She was just too curious not to ask. And she decided that if they were friends, then it wouldn’t be an inappropriate question.

His expression turned serious. “I trust you,” he said, not an ounce of sarcasm or insincerity in his voice. “You’ve stayed by my side for pretty much my entire life, even if you didn’t really have much of a choice. I trusted you even before I started getting to know you, and now I can easily say that there is no one I would rather have come with me for something like this.”

She felt knocked away by his sincerity, the air leaving her lungs. He _trusted_ her. It was like the longer she spent with him, the more of her dreams that came true. She could barely contain her happiness, an elated grin threatening to poke out from under her mask of professionalism. “I-I see. Well then, I’d better start packing!” She stood swiftly from their meal, excitement practically oozing out of her. “Thank you very much for the meal. See you later Yo—Zuko!” And with that she was off to go drop off the dishes and pack her things.

* * *

They departed first thing the next morning, and Y/N could still barely contain her excitement. The ship was small and fast, and with the Fire Nation no longer being public enemy number one, they would likely reach the South Pole in about three or four days of travel. Y/N had barely ever left the palace, and now she was travelling halfway across the world? It was more than she could have ever dreamed. Not to mention that she was the only maid Zuko brought with him, so she was practically attached to his hip throughout their voyage. It gave her ample opportunity to chat with him, and while she always felt like she knew him fairly well, it truly felt like she was getting to _know_ him. As a human being, and not just as the prince or the Fire Lord or her boss.

She learned a lot about him during that journey. She learned that his favorite tea was jasmine, and that formal titles made him uncomfortable, and that he had a soft spot for the turtleducks that lived in the pond in the courtyard. She learned he was good friends with Chief Hadoka’s two children, and that part of the reason for this meeting was so that he’d be able to see them again. She learned a bit about his travels with the avatar, though a lot of that information seemed to be quite personal, so the stories were obviously abridged to some extent. She wanted to ask if it was really true that he had once been a waiter in Ba Sing Se, but she was afraid that maybe that was personal too, and she didn’t want to upset him.

On their fourth day of travel, not long before they were supposed to land, Y/N found herself standing on the deck and leaning against the railing, gazing out at the magnificent orange and pink sunset splaying across the water. The fading light made everything sparkle like gemstones as the sun turned the water into a vibrant golden sea. The gentle breeze coming off the ocean caressed her face and ran through her hair as she inhaled the salty scent of the water. It was probably the most gorgeous sight she had ever seen, and she mourned the fact that she had left her sketchbook below deck in her room. She was dedicated to committing the whole scene to memory, so she closed her eyes and imprinted it into her mind’s eye, watching blooms of red and orange light burst behind her eyelids. It was the most peaceful she had ever felt in her entire life.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

She whipped around, her arms raised defensively, only to come face to face (or, er, face to chest) with Zuko. She had been so lost in thought she hadn’t even noticed him coming above deck! She cursed herself for her inobservance as she took a step back and away from him, clutching her chest to try and still her frantically beating heart. “Holy shit, you scared the hell out of me! Warn me next time before sneaking up on me like that!” She slapped her hand over her mouth at the realization that she just cussed at him. “O-oh, I’m terribly sorry for my language, I was just startled! I mean no offense!”

He chuckled good-naturedly and shook his head. “No, no, I don’t mind. Honestly, I’d prefer it if you spoke plainly with me. It was my fault for scaring you, after all. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I guess I’m just a little jumpy sometimes. I was lost in thought.” She straightened. “Is there something you need?”

He waved her off and came to lean up against the railing with her. “No, no, just wanted a bit of air.” He sighed, but it didn’t sound troubled. Instead, it seemed peaceful, almost. A moment of silence. Then he continued quietly, “You know, there’s not much I miss from my banishment, if anything at all. But I’d have to say, if I had to choose one thing, it would be this view.”

“I-I’ve never seen anything like it before…” Her voice sounded awestruck.

He smiled down at her, his eyes soft. “Have you ever been on a ship before, Y/N?”

She shook her head, not taking her eyes off of the horizon. “No. I’ve never even left the capital before now. Hell, I barely even leave the palace most of the time.” She chuckled. Her voice became wistful, her eyes almost longing. “But I’ve always wanted to, though. Wanted to travel the world and see as many things as I possibly could, live as much life as one person can ever feasibly live. But there’s not a whole lot of room in a servant’s life for travel, not that I could ever afford it, anyway.” She sighed, but it was nostalgic, not bitter, as she reminisced on the dreams that she once had. She looked back at him and smiled, hoping to convey the depth of her gratitude. “Thank you, truly, for giving me at least this one chance to do so.”

But he didn’t smile back. Instead, a quiet, somber shadow passed over his face. He didn’t respond right away, looking down at his feet as a mixture of guilt and sadness swam in his eyes. Finally, he responded, “No, don’t thank me. My family and I are the reason why you’ve never gotten the chance to live your dreams; I don’t deserve your thanks. I had no idea you had sacrificed so much to work for me.” He turned his eyes up to meet hers, the genuine remorse in them startling her. “I am _deeply_ sorry.”

Then she did something unexpected: she laid her hand on top of his on the railing. His eyes widened. “Hey,” she said, her voice gentle. “I don’t blame you. So you shouldn’t blame yourself. Sure, I’ve had to give up a lot of dreams, but I don’t regret serving you. I am _so_ glad that you’re here, that _you’re_ the Fire Lord. I was so scared when you were banished, scared that the violence and pain would never end, because in my eyes, you were the way out. The way to an era of peace and unity. Growing up and seeing you, I just _knew_ that there was no one else I’d rather have lead my nation, and I was right.” She gave him a kind smile. “I am so delighted to work for such a kind, just, honorable ruler. And I take pride in knowing that I’m helping you, even if what I do may be small and of little consequence. And even though you may feel guilty for my lot in life, know that the fact that you’re here saved me from a far worse one: I work for _you,_ and not Fire Lord Ozai or Princess Azula.” She ran her thumb over his knuckles in what she hoped was a comforting manner. “So don’t beat yourself up about it, okay?”

Maybe she shouldn’t have said something so personal, but in the moment, he needed reassurance. And total honesty was the only was she knew how to give that. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been dying to tell him how much she admired him for pretty much her whole life. It felt good to finally get some of it out there. And she couldn’t just let him think that working for him hurt her when nothing could be further from the truth.

He just stood there for a moment, an unreadable expression on his face. She couldn’t help but notice just how nicely the fading light painted him, accentuating his features with shadows and cutting a sharp line of gold across his jaw. His eyes glimmered with the same color, some unnamable emotion swirling in them. He swallowed thickly. “I…… Thank you. Just… thank you.” He flipped his hand over to clasp hers, giving it a grateful squeeze.

She had to ignore the way her heart fluttered at the fact that he was holding her hand, if even for a second. “Of course. I was only telling the truth.”

They both stood in comfortable silence for a moment, just looking out at the sea. After a while, Zuko asked, “Can you tell me about your other dreams? The ones you weren’t able to fulfill?”

She was surprised, but his voice held only curiosity and genuine interest, not guilt, so she obliged. “Well, if I hadn’t been born into servitude, I would have wanted to be an artist. Once again, I’ve never been trained or anything, but I spend almost all of my free time drawing and teaching myself. I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good, and that maybe I could’ve made some money off of it if things were different.”

He nodded. “I agree. I mean, I don’t know much about art and I only saw a little bit of your work, but I thought it was really good.” He grinned playfully. “I could buy something from you if you’d like.”

She laughed and lightly hit his chest (he kept insisting on informality, so she hoped that wasn’t too casual for him). “Oh hush. You already have a royal painter; one that’s _way_ better than me.”

He let out a chuckle as well. “I wouldn’t say _way_ better. But I suppose you have a point. What else? Is there anything else you would have done with your life if you didn’t work in the palace?”

She hummed and tapped her chin thoughtfully. She had to think about it. “Oh! A cat!”

He tilted his head to the side. “What?”

“I have _always_ wanted a cat, but my parents never let me have one because, well, you know, palace life. And we probably wouldn’t have been able to afford to take care of it.” She sighed wistfully, leaning her elbows on the railing and her head in her hands. “I’d want a little calico kitten, with soft little ears and perfect little whiskers. I don’t know what I’d name it if it was a boy, but if it was a girl I’d name her Chizu. We could sleep together with her little purrs lulling me to sleep and she could sit in my lap in the evening while I draw. Ah, it would be lovely.”

He smiled down at her. “You must really love animals.”

“I do.”

“Well, if it means anything, I think you’d be a great pet owner. Even if you can’t actually have one of your own.” He looked to the side, not meeting her eyes.

She didn’t pay this any mind, however, and just grinned back at him. “Thanks. That means a lot, actually.”

They continued talking until the ship docked at the Southern Water Tribe, just as the sun had finally set. Even though it was dark, there was still a number of people there to greet them. Zuko shook hands with Chief Hadoka and thanked him for the opportunity to speak with him in person. Y/N went back onto the ship to go retrieve hers and Zuko’s things, but when she returned, she saw a tall, young water tribe man engulfing Zuko in a bone-crushing hug.

“Fire Lord Jerkbender! It’s so great to see you, man! A whole lot’s happened sine we last saw each other, we’ve got a _lot_ of catching up to do.”

Zuko didn’t seem to mind the fact that the man was undoubtedly cutting off his air supply. He hugged him back, giving him a pat on the back. “It’s good to see you too, Sokka.” He released the man, Sokka, and turned to the young woman standing next to him. “You too, Katara.”

Katara shook her head, but the smile on her lips betrayed her real emotions. “Took you long enough to come see us. Fire Lord life keeping you busy?” She wrapped him in a quick hug as well.

Zuko chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Y/N felt a bit out of place, like she was intruding on something she wasn’t meant to see. He was obviously very good friends with these people, and it made her a bit uncomfortable to be witnessing such a heartfelt reunion. She shifted awkwardly from foot to foot.

Sokka caught sight of her and smirked. “Obviously not too busy for a _lady friend.”_ He whistled lowly. “Who’s this?”

Katara’s eyes widened. “Oh my gosh, Zuko you never told us you got a girlfriend!” She crossed her arms. “Why is it that you never write to tell us stuff like this?”

Y/N’s face burned hotter than the very sun itself, her eyes wide as dinner plates. “O-oh, oh, oh no! Y-you see—W-we’re not—I’m just—”

“A friend.” Zuko came to stand beside her protectively. He frowned. “You don’t have to carry my bags for me, I’m perfectly capable of doing it myself.” She was too overwhelmed to object as he took his luggage from her and turned back to Sokka and Katara. “Y/N, these are my good friends Sokka and Katara. They’re Chief Hadoka’s children, and part of the group that traveled with Avatar Aang.”

“Yeah, if by ‘good friends’ you mean you tried to kill us for the majority of a year before you realized you were a jerk and taught the avatar firebending.” Katara smirked playfully.

Zuko’s face burned red. “I thought you were over that by now! I’ve changed! You said you forgave me!”

“You did _what?!?!”_ Y/N practically screeched in shock.

He gave her a pained smile. “It’s a _really_ long story, I’ll tell you later.”

Katara laughed. “I’m just teasing, lighten up.”

Zuko sighed. “You’ve been spending way too much time with Sokka.”

“Hey!”

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh. She had never seen Zuko like this before. It was… refreshing to see him so relaxed and authentic. So she decided that despite feeling a bit like an intruder, she was glad to be there.

Sokka and Katara escorted them to where they’d be staying. As they walked, Sokka slung his arms around Y/N’s shoulders and gave her a nudge. “So, has Mr. Jerkbender ever told you about the time he helped me break my dad and girlfriend out of a high-security Fire Nation prison?”

She gasped, her eyes sparkling. “No he hasn’t!” She turned to Zuko. “Is that true?! Did you really break somebody out of prison?!” His life was just so exciting! The most thrilling thing Y/N had ever done was sneaking out of the palace to go to street festivals when she was little, and even then it wasn’t like she was explicitly not allowed to do that, as long as she didn’t stay out past her bedtime. Could you blame her for being a little starstruck?

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, yeah. It was a long time ago. It’s a long story.”

Sokka must’ve noticed her eyes dull with disappointment because he gave her shoulders a squeeze. “Lucky for you, I’ll have plenty of time to tell you _all_ about it while Sparky’s busy talking with my dad tomorrow.”

She giggled. She decided that she liked Sokka. “Sparky?”

Zuko blushed and brought his hand to his face. “I would say you’ve been spending too much time with Toph, except for the fact that I know you haven’t seen her in a while.”

Right before they reached their rooms, a powerful gust of wind blew down the hall, and a figure too fast to be seen knocked Zuko to the ground. Flames leapt to Y/N’s hands as she got into a defensive stance, but they fizzled and died when she heard the youthful voice crying, “Zuko!”

Zuko groaned as the dust settled, revealing a young bald man with arrow tattoos hugging him tightly around the middle. Zuko chuckled weakly and patted the man’s back. “It’s good to see you again too, Aang, but could you please get off of me?”

Aang hopped off of him and offered him a hand, helping pull him back up to his feet. He gave him a crooked grin. “Sorry Sifu Hotman, guess I got a little excited. I came as fast as I could, but looks like I missed the welcome party.”

Zuko groaned again. “I’m around you people for not even ten minutes and you’re already bringing up every annoying nickname I’ve ever had in my life.”

“Hey, at least no one’s called you ‘Zuzu’ yet, so that’s something.” Y/N couldn’t help but quip, despite herself, bringing all eyes back to her.

Zuko’s head whipped around, his eyes wide and his face a furious red. _“How do you know about that???????”_

She blushed. She hadn’t meant to draw so much attention to herself. She cleared her throat nervously. “W-well, I _have_ known you for nineteen years. I heard Princess Azula say it once or twice.” She turned to Aang and bowed lowly, trying to bring some semblance of normalcy to the situation. “It’s an honor to meet you, Avatar Aang. I’ve heard much about you. My name is Y/N Y/L/N.”

Aang’s cheeks turned rosy at the formality as he waved her to stand back up. “It’s good to meet you too.” He turned back to face Zuko with a grin and a playfully raised eyebrow. “But, seriously, what’s with you Fire Nation people and honor? And here I thought that was just a you thing, Zuko.”

Everybody laughed at that. Well, except Zuko who was trying (and failing) to hide his embarrassment, and Y/N who wasn’t totally sure what was so funny. Obviously an inside joke of some kind. She’d have to ask Sokka to fill her in on more than just the prison break story.

Zuko cleared his throat, attempting to regain some composure. “Y-yes, well. So, um, what are you doing here, Aang? Don’t you have, um, avatar stuff to be doing?”

He rocked back on his heels. “Yeah, I suppose, but I heard you were coming to the South Pole and I thought it’d be nice to drop by for a visit and catch up with everybody. It’s too bad Toph couldn’t be here.” His expression saddened, but it was only a brief moment before he was grinning cheerily again. “But hey, most of us are here, and you brought a friend of your own! So that’s something! You guys must be really tired though, so we can catch up in the morning. Sleep well!” And then he sped off to who knows where on a little spinning ball of air. He was certainly a lot more… energetic than what Y/N had been expecting (not like she had been expecting to meet _the Avatar_ on this little excursion, but still).

Zuko smiled tiredly after him. They continued on their way to their rooms, Y/N’s being placed right next to Zuko’s in case he needed anything. She really was pretty wiped from all the traveling, so she fell asleep the instant her head hit the pillow.

* * *

The next morning Y/N, Zuko, and his friends all ate breakfast together, and she thought it was the nicest meal she’d ever had; all filled with laughter and joy. Y/N decided that she really liked Zuko’s friends—they were kind to her, and they made an effort to include her in the conversation despite her shy and anxious nature. They didn’t know that she was just a maid, but she got the feeling that they wouldn’t have treated her any differently if they did. It was very, very nice. There were a lot of strange foods that Y/N had never seen or heard of before (and Zuko and Aang seemed pretty apprehensive about some of them as well), but she was delighted by the opportunity to try new things. Even if she now knew that she thought sea prunes were disgusting.

Zuko was whisked away shortly after breakfast, leaving Y/N at the mercy of Katara, Sokka, and Aang. She felt nervous without Zuko, like he was some kind of comfort blanket to help her deal with strangers. But she thought she’d be okay, I mean, Sokka _had_ promised to regale her with grand tales of their fantastic exploits, so she had that to look forward to. It would be good for her to get out and make some friends that were the same age as her, and also didn’t work with her.

As promised, Sokka told her a _lot_ about their adventures as ‘Team Avatar’, as he put it, both with and without Zuko, Aang and Katara chiming in with a quick correction or quip every now and then. Y/N was positively starstruck. Sure, everyone in the Fire Nation knew vaguely about Zuko’s travels (though he kept most of it to himself) and pretty much the whole _world_ knew of the Avatar’s adventures, but it was another thing to actually hear _specifically_ all they had done. She had always longed for excitement and adventure in her very simple and mundane life, and though none of those things happened to her, Sokka was a very good storyteller and it was still thrilling to hear about it.

But what shocked her the most was how _different_ he said Zuko was before he joined their group. How angry, how driven, how ruthless. She would have thought he was exaggerating were it not for Aang and Katara’s confirmation, and Katara didn’t seem like the kind of person who would make something up to make a story more interesting. She understood the change—he must have gone mad with desperation to win back his father’s approval, especially when he was banished at such a young age. It absolutely broke her heart to know how much he must have been suffering, but it also made her admire him that much more: how strong must he be to be able to pick himself back up and change after all of that, even after failing to make the right choice time and time again, to still continue on and become a better person?

She was so stunned by this revelation that she couldn’t help but tell them how different he was before they met him, before the Agni Kai. How bright-eyed and hopeful and full of opportunity. They were just as surprised to hear this, and it led to them asking for stories from when Zuko was younger. There wasn’t a whole lot she could tell them without revealing her status as a maid, but she told them what she could (without embarrassing Zuko too badly).

Lunch rolled around quickly, and it carried on much the same as breakfast had. To everyone’s disappointment, Zuko had more work to do afterwards, so he had to leave again shortly, promising to catch up more with his friends in the evening and tomorrow. But before he left, he pulled Aang aside and said something to him that Y/N couldn’t hear (not that she was trying to eavesdrop). It must have been good, though, because the younger man grinned brightly and nodded.

After Zuko had left, Aang bounded over to Y/N and hooked his arm around hers. “So,” he said, a gleam in his eye. “Have you ever gone penguin sledding?”

“Penguin what?”

Y/N had, in fact, never gone penguin sledding, considering as there were no penguins in the Fire Nation. She hadn’t ever even _seen_ a penguin before. So when Aang, Sokka, and Katara led her to a snowy, frozen hill a little way outside of the village practically _crawling_ with the things, she gasped in delight. “Oh my stars, they’re _adorable!_ I’ve never seen anything so cute in my entire _life!_ Oh, other than you, Momo.”

The flying lemur bat perched on Aang’s shoulder chirped, as though he understood that she meant no offense.

Aang grinned. “I know, right? Katara, do you have any of that seal jerky on you?”

She smiled and tossed him a pouch of it. “I made sure to bring some once you said, ‘penguin sledding’.”

The penguins all began crowding around Aang and Y/N, sniffing and pecking at the pouch. “So, um, what exactly _is_ penguin sledding?” she asked.

Penguin sledding, as it were, was _incredibly_ fun. Aang and Katara showed her how to lure one over close enough to ride on it’s back (Sokka staying behind to watch because there was “no way he was riding one of those things”) and speed down the hill with it. Though she was a little scared at first, Y/N soon found herself whooping and hollering and laughing so hard her sides hurt as the frigid wind whipped over her face and through her hair. She felt like a kid again, and not like a servant kid with a job and responsibilities, but a _real_ kid. A normal kid. One that could go outside and stomp in the mud without being scolded for reflecting poorly on the royal family, one that could run and yell and didn’t have to worry about not being seen or heard, one that went on vacations with her family to go do things like penguin sledding.

She didn’t resent her life at the palace, not at all, but it was nice to have some of that freedom for once.

At some point, after hours and hours of sledding, they collapsed on the ground at the base of the hill, panting and laughing. Once they caught their breath, Katara propped herself on one arm and smiled over at Y/N. “So, how exactly do you know Zuko? He’s never mentioned you before.”

“Yeah,” Sokka chimed in. “It’s kind of weird that you’ve known each other for so long and he never told us about you. Honestly, it’s kind of weird to think that he used to have a friend like you back when Ozai was around. You don’t really seem like nobility, and I can’t imagine he’d be very happy about Zuko being all chummy with a commoner.”

“Yeah, tell us about it! I’m sure it’s an interesting story!” Aang sat up, his eyes expectant.

Despite the freezing cold, Y/N felt herself begin to sweat. She couldn’t just _lie,_ but what if they saw her differently because she was just the help? Sure, they didn’t seem like those kinds of people, and Zuko did see her as a friend, but _what if?_ She was starting to really like all of them: Aang’s eternal energy and optimism, Katara’s motherly fussing which reminded her very much of herself, Sokka’s sense of humor. She hadn’t known them for very long, but she’d be devastated if they thought of her differently or worse, felt like they’d been deceived because she wasn’t totally honest with them from the start. She knew she was probably over-reacting, but she just couldn’t help the way her mind raced with all the possibilities.

But still, she couldn’t lie. She sighed heavily and bowed her head. “I’m terribly sorry, but I have to admit that I’ve not been completely honest with all of you.” That earned her three confused stares, so she continued. “I’m not actually Fire Lord Zuko’s friend; I’m his maid. I know all these things about him because I’ve been working for him since I was five years old—my mother was one of his attendants before I took over her place when I got older.” She sighed again. “I don’t know why he introduced me like that, but it was never my intention to trick you and take advantage of your hospitality. I apologize if you feel deceived.” Her head hung low, ashamed.

She looked up when she felt a gloved hand clasp her shoulder. “Relax, it’s not a big deal,” Sokka said. “It’s not like you lied about actually being a super-secret assassin or anything.” A skeptical look grew on his face. “Though are you _sure_ you’re not his friend? I don’t know about you, but to me it looks like he likes you quite a bit. Plus, it doesn’t really look like you’re working right now—are you sure that he didn’t just bring you here to give you a break? You know, ‘cuz you’re friends?”

“Yeah, I think that makes a lot more sense!” Aang said. “I mean, he told me to make sure you had a good time, so don’t you think the real reason why you’re here is because he just wanted to do something nice?”

“As out of character as that is for him,” Katara quipped.

Y/N gasped, her face burning red. Oh my spirits they were _right._ They’d only been there for a little over half a day, but every time she had tried to tend to him like she usually did he waved her off, either saying that he could handle it or that somebody from the Water Tribe had already taken care of it for him. She was the only other person he had brought with him other than the ship crew and his personal guards, because, of course, they went with him everywhere. If what they were saying was true, she was _so touched._ Just, beyond belief. No one had ever done something _so kind_ for her before. She was overwhelmed with emotion, and she felt happy tears start to sting at her eyes despite herself.

“W-whoa, are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” Sokka gave her a concerned (albeit slightly panicked) look.

She sniffled, and her voice came out as shaky and slightly watery as she spoke, tears starting to pour down her face. “N-no, no! It’s just that—I’m just… _so happy._ N-no one’s ever done a-anything like that for me before! I—I just…!” Spirits, she thought she’d learned how to stop being so emotional. But she just couldn’t help it. To think, that he thought of her, and cared for her enough to pretend to need a maid for his trip just so she could have a break from work, a _real_ one (because you were never _actually_ on break at the palace—if you were needed, someone would come fetch you). It was too much for her.

They seemed surprised, but no one said anything. Katara came over and wrapped her up in a big warm hug, letting her cry happy tears into her coat.

“I thought I’d find you guys here. I’m finally done for the day so we ca—spirits, Y/N are you okay?!?!? What happened?!” Zuko ran up to her, looking around wildly at Aang and Sokka for some answers. But Sokka just shrugged and Aang flashed him an encouraging grin.

“Y-Your Ma—I-I mean Zuko,” Y/N sniffled, standing up to face him. “Is it true that you lied to me about needing a maid for this trip just so I could have a break?”

He flushed red with shame and ducked his head, unable to meet her eyes. “…Y-yes. I’m sorry, Y/N, it’s just you’ve been working so hard lately both with your job and with your bending a-and I just thought it might be nice for you to take some time off to relax and since I needed to go to the Southern Water Tribe anyway I-I just thought…” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I never meant to lie to you. I hope you can forgi—”

He was cut off when Y/N dashed towards him, knocking the breath out of him with a bone-crushing hug, the tightest she could muster. _“Thank you.”_

He stiffened, his eyes wide and his arms held out awkwardly. He relaxed, a slow smile growing on his lips. His arms came to wrap around her in return. “You’re welcome.”

They stayed like that for a while, before Sokka cleared his throat loudly, reminding them that they weren’t alone. They pulled away from each other, blushes on both of their faces. “I hate to cut this touching scene short, but we _are_ on a bit of a time restraint, so you might want to wrap it up.”

Y/N was embarrassed at the public display of emotion, but as they made their way back to the village, Zuko gave her a shy smile, so she decided it was worth it.


	5. Giving Off Sparks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! I absolutely LOVE this chapter, and I hope you do too! The title is from "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler, but the version I was listening to while writing this was a cover by Sleeping at Last, which I frankly believe to be better than the original. Check it out! Anyways, enjoy! Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Word count: 6,341

“And _then_ I found out that he lied about needing a maid with him so he’d have an excuse to take me with him and give me a vacation! And, well, then I started crying and he showed up so that was kind of embarrassing, but still!” A week later and Y/N was back in the Fire Nation and busy gushing all about her trip to the Southern Water Tribe to Iroh in his tea shop. He’d proven to be a wonderful confidant as of late, especially considering that he was one of the only human beings alive that knew of her feelings for his nephew, and that he didn’t judge her for it. That, and he made _delicious_ tea, of which she was an avid drinker. She brought her hand to her face, blushing. “I never knew he could be such a sweetheart.”

Iroh smiled and took another sip of his tea. “That is rather interesting. I’ve never known my nephew to do something like that for no reason.” He winked. “Maybe he likes you. He is a man of action, after all.”

She blushed. “Oh no, no, no, that’s not possible—he was just being nice!”

He shook his head, a knowing look in his eye. “I wouldn’t be so sure. He _has_ been talking about you a lot recently.”

She nearly spat out her tea. “He _what?!_ Really?! He… he’s talked… about me?” She felt a little lightheaded at the news. Iroh was Zuko’s most trusted confidant: what had he _said???_ Was it good??? Well, it probably was good, otherwise Iroh wouldn’t be giving her that knowing look and he probably wouldn’t have told her about it in the first place.

“Oh yes. He said you were a talented firebender, and that he is excited to continue teaching you. He _also_ said that you were a very hard-working young lady, and that he’s enjoying getting to know you better.”

How he managed to say such life-shattering things with such a straight face was beyond her. Her voice was small when she responded. “He… he really said all that about me?”

“Perhaps not in so many words. But I could tell that’s what he meant.”

Y/N groaned and buried her face in her hands. “Iroh, you can’t just assume things like that and then tell me them as if they’re fact! It’s bad for my heart!”

“Ah, but you forget, I traveled with Zuko for three very important years—I know him better than anyone, perhaps even more than himself. He sometimes has difficulty saying what he actually thinks and feels; that’s why you have to read between the lines. And, not to boast, but I’ve gotten very good at it.” He gave her another wink. His face softened as he looked at her troubled expression. “I know you may have given up hope, Y/N, but it is not all lost. He cares for you, truly. That much is simple to see.”

She smiled softly. “As a servant, that is more than I could have ever hoped for. Thank you.”

He chuckled. “You’re too concerned with status; you let what others think you should be get in the way of your happiness. But I will admit you are very dutiful, just like my nephew.”

Iroh had compared them several times, but that still didn’t stop the heat that rose to her face. “Thank you? I suppose. But I really must be going now, thank you for the tea.” She stood and bowed respectfully.

“Of course. Thank you for the wonderful company. Don’t be a stranger now!”

Y/N made her way out of the tea shop and back to the palace. It was still early, before her shift was supposed to start, so she decided to swing by her room to grab her sketchbook and spend the rest of her free time drawing the adorable turtleducks in the courtyard. It was always so peaceful there, like a completely different world, and it brought her great peace of mind to spend at least a little bit of her scarce free time there every day. She could see why Fire Lady Ursa used to love it so much.

However, only a short while into her drawing, her attention was pulled away by a guard approaching. “Oh, hello. Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yes. The Fire Lord has requested to speak with you.”

“Oh. You wouldn’t happen to know what about, would you?” It wasn’t her turn to bring him breakfast today, and even if it were, he never had to request his food be brought to him, and he would have already eaten by this point in the day. Did the morning shift attendant forget? It was probably the simplest task of the job! Y/N would be sure to give them a talking to.

“I only know that there is a personal matter he requires your assistance with. That is all. He is waiting in his chambers.” The guard then turned and left, off to go do… whatever it was guards did at the palace. Guard stuff? Y/N really didn’t know.

She wouldn’t say she was particularly concerned, but she _was_ very curious. What personal matter would need her help with? She wasn’t particularly skilled in much other than drawing and domestic tasks. Perhaps he just wanted to talk? Like, as a friend? But he couldn’t just advertise that he was friends with his maid, so he had to frame it as needing her for something? That would explain it ~~(and it made the whole ‘requested to see you for a personal matter’ thing seem a whole lot less like a sneaky way for a king to solicit someone for sex, like in those trashy novels that she would never admit she read).~~

She got up and made her way to his chambers. When she approached the door, she knocked three times. From inside came, “Come in, Y/N.”

She opened the door and entered, closing it behind her. “How did you know it was me? I didn’t even say anything.”

She was met with the sight of Zuko tying off his robe. However, he wasn’t wearing his normal royal robes, but instead a plain Fire Nation tunic, like one a traveler or a commoner would wear. He looked up at her and smiled. “You always knock three times before you enter a room. You’re the only servant I know of who does it.”

“Oh.” She didn’t realize she was so predictable, but she found it kind of sweet that he took notice of one of her habits, even though it was one she had never noticed herself. “So, what ‘personal matter’—” She made air quotes with her fingers. “Do you need my help with? It wouldn’t have something to do with the unusual clothes you’re wearing, would it?”

“Um, yes, actually.” He averted his eyes. “There’s an… errand or two I need to run in town. I’d really rather not be recognized, so…” He gestured to his outfit. “This. And, um, the point is I, uh, need you to come with me.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow, crossing her arms. “Why would you need to go into town? Are you even _allowed_ to leave the palace for something like that? Well, I mean, obviously you’re _allowed,_ you’re the Fire Lord you can do whatever you want, but you know what I mean.”

He still refused to meet her eyes, and though his head was ducked down she thought she saw a light pink on his cheeks. “I, um… it’s just something I have to do in person. And I, uh, could use your opinion on some things.” He finally met her gaze, looking oddly sheepish. “Please, Y/N, I really need your help with this. You’re free to refuse, but I’d really appreciate it if you came with me.”

She was surprised by his vagueness; he’d never been one to mince his words. She was also surprised that he needed her _opinion_ on something, but he was obviously being genuine. And it must be very important if he was being this reserved about it. She sighed. “Okay, I’ll come with you. But do you have a hat or something?”

He gave her a curious look. “No, why…?”

She smirked, despite herself. “Because there’s _no way_ that the people in the capital won’t recognize you if they can see your face. I don’t mean to be tactless, but you… kinda have a very… _memorable_ face.”

“Ah. I see.” His hand came up to touch his scar self-consciously, the red on his face darkening. “You’re right. I’ll, um, figure something out.”

She couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t worry. I’ll find you something.”

* * *

Apparently, this personal matter was _top secret._ So much so that Zuko didn’t even bring any guards with them. He assured her things would be fine and they wouldn’t need them, which she didn’t doubt, but it was still odd. How had his advisors handled the news that he was going into town for some unknown reason with no protection detail? How had they been okay with that? Unless Zuko didn’t tell them. Or he did tell them and they _weren’t_ okay with it, but he just didn’t care. Either was plausible.

She had managed to find him a wide-brimmed straw hat like those commonly worn by Earth Kingdom travelers. It sufficiently covered his face, even if it was kind of clunky and made him look kind of like a dork. Well, more of a dork than usual. Hopefully it would be enough to keep people from recognizing him.

After making sure that he was properly disguised, Zuko dragged her out into town. The first place he took her was the market. Y/N would have been apprehensive about him going to such a heavily populated area, but it was so busy and lively that no one was paying enough attention to recognize him. Unfortunately, the area was so chock-full of people that Y/N kept getting jostled around and bumped into. It was hot and sweaty and humid and elbows kept jabbing her ribs and she was afraid she was going to lose sight of Zuko if they didn’t get out of the throng soon.

Just as she was starting to think she might suffocate, a strong grip encased her hand. She looked up in shock to find Zuko staring down at her. “Keep ahold of me. We don’t want you getting lost.” He pulled her along a little way farther as he mumbled under his breath, “Didn’t think it’d be so busy today.”

She couldn’t help the dark blush that overtook her face. His hand felt… nice. Big and rough and warm with long, slender fingers that fit seamlessly in between hers as he tugged her along. It made her feel safe. She hoped he didn’t mind all her callouses—years of sewing and cleaning had worn her hands rather tough. Oh spirits were her hands sweaty? Could he tell she was nervous? He probably could, couldn’t he? Shit, he probably thought she was gross and just hadn’t let go yet to keep her from being trampled, or to not upset her. Fuck, why did she always have to mess everything up!?

While she was busy with her internal crisis, she didn’t realize that Zuko had pulled them into a small shop. There were very few people there, so she had a welcome chance to breathe. As she looked around, she noticed it was a _very_ high-end jewelry store, silver and gold chains, watches, and bracelets lined the display cases, along with gemstones in every color of the rainbow. She gasped. It was all so _gorgeous._ She’d only ever seen such finery when she was carrying drink trays around at the royal galas, Fire Nation noblewomen dripping head to toe in diamonds and rubies. But wait, why would Zuko need to go to a jewelry store? He was never one for excessive ornamentation—it was one of the things Y/N liked about him. He never felt the need to flaunt his status with lavish possessions. She couldn’t help but express her confusion, leaning up to whisper in his ear (it felt wrong to speak at a normal volume in such a fancy store). “Um, are you sure this is the right place? What personal business could you possibly have here?”

He hummed in acknowledgement. “No, this is definitely it.”

She waited for him to continue, but he never did, leaving them in awkward silence for a moment. “Oh,” she said. “Are you buying a watch or something?”

“No.”

Another moment of silence. She coughed into her fist. “Oh. Okay.” She shuffled on her feet uncomfortably. _Spirits,_ why was he looking at her like that? All intense and unreadable, like he expected her to do something or say something or know something she didn’t know. “S-so, um… why am I here exactly?”

“Just, uh, look around. Tell me if you see anything you like.” She thought there may have been a faint smattering of pink on his cheekbones. His eyes darted off to the side, refusing to look at her as he spoke.

It was obvious he wasn’t interested in telling her _why_ he wanted her to look around the shop, so she didn’t push it. That didn’t stop her rampant confusion, though. “Oh, um… okay…? I guess I’ll… do that then.” Desperate to escape from this _painfully_ awkward exchange, she turned away and started to browse the display cases, though her mind was only partially focused on the task at hand. What the heck was going on??? Why was he acting so strange??? And why in the spirits’ names did he need her to peruse the wares of a jewelry store??? He obviously didn’t plan on buying anything for himself—what did it matter what she thought of any of their products? Was he buying someone a gift? That thought sent a little pang of hurt mixed with something that resembled jealousy through her heart. If he was buying a woman a gift, then it’d make sense that he might want a woman’s opinion, especially since he didn’t strike her as the biggest ladies man. Maybe he was trying to get back together with Lady Mai? No, no, they were pretty on and off, but they’d officially broken things off almost seven years ago. So it wasn’t her. But try as she might to wrack her brain, she just couldn’t think of who he could _possibly_ be buying jewelry for. It wasn’t like he came into contact with a lot of women outside of work, to her knowledge.

She sighed quietly through her nose, careful not to let Zuko hear. Even if he was buying gifts for a woman, it wasn’t like it was any of her business. Perhaps she could be considered his friend now (as wild as that was to believe), but that didn’t mean she had any place meddling in his love life. If it even _was_ about his love life. She needed to remember to not jump to conclusions. He could be getting a present for Katara or Toph for all she knew (though from what she had heard about Toph from everyone at the South Pole she doubted she’d be interested in jewelry. Katara was still an option, though). Perhaps one of their birthdays was coming up. That made sense. And so, to keep her from going insane, that’s what she decided to tell herself.

She felt a little overwhelmed looking at all the extravagant pieces for sale, and a lot more overwhelmed when she caught a glimpse of the prices. Though everything was beautiful and high-quality, nothing was really… standing out to her. Don’t get her wrong, she loved gemstones as much as the next girl, but everything in the store was a bit… flashy for her tastes. A little bit too gaudy to be anything she’d actually consider wearing. She briefly considered making an educated guess about what would probably be popular with most women, but he’d asked for her honest opinion, so that’s what she was going to give.

Just as she was about to turn around and admit to him that nothing in that store really piqued her fancy, she caught sight of a necklace. It was a simple gold chain, on which hung an equally simple, yet striking, pendant. It was a butterfly, formed out of little spade-shaped cuts of dazzling blood-red rubies. At the center of the butterfly lay a tiny, black volcanic rock of some kind, perhaps an onyx. It was exactly her style, and it was absolutely _stunning._

She couldn’t help the delighted gasp that snuck out of her. “Oh my gosh, this is _beautiful!”_

Zuko came up beside her to take a look at the necklace as well. “You like this one?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes, very much. I’m not usually one for jewelry and the like, but this is probably one of the most gorgeous pieces I’ve ever seen. I would actually buy this.” She sighed forlornly. “If I could ever hope to afford it, that is. It may be one of the cheapest things here, but that’s not really saying much.”

He looked thoughtful. “I see… You know, I, um, I think I saw a pair of earrings over there that looked kind of like this, if you’d maybe want to take a look? Maybe they’re a set or something.”

“Oh, really? Where?” He pointed her in the direction of the back of the store, on the opposite side from the main counter. She went over to see if she could find those earrings he was talking about. She did find a few pairs of ruby earrings, but none of them really stood out to her as being a set with the necklace. Oh well, not like she was going to buy anything any way. She wasn’t surprised that Zuko didn’t have a very good eye for those sorts of things. She sauntered back over to him, an extra little skip in her step. He had made his way to wait by the counter for her, and he was fiddling a little with the strap of the bag he was carrying, a tick Y/N found very cute. Had she been paying attention, she would’ve noticed that he was blushing ever-so slightly. “Yeah, those were pretty,” she said, “but I still like the necklace better. Too bad everything here is way out of my price range.” She chuckled.

“Y-yeah, too bad.” He grabbed her hand again, lacing his fingers in between hers. “Let’s go. There’s some other stuff I need to do.”

“Oh, okay.” She let herself be dragged out of the shop. She was still a bit confused, but she supposed if he wanted to get it for somebody then he’d just come later when Y/N wasn’t tagging along with him. Or he’d just send a servant to go buy it. Y/N was actually kind of bummed she couldn’t afford it; she _really_ liked that necklace.

The next shop they stopped at was a clothing booth, stuffed full of fine, colorful garments of all different styles. She looked up at Zuko questioningly, and he just motioned her forward. “Go on. Pick something out. They size you for it once you decide on what you want”

Her eyes widened and her face warmed. “F-For me?”

He shot her a confused look. “Yes, that’s what I just said. Pick out something you like; I’ll pay for it.”

“N-no, I just mean, why would you buy something like this for me?”

He looked off to the side and brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck. “Oh. It’s just that, um, well… you told me, kind of a while ago, that you didn’t really own any light clothes you could train in so I just thought that maybe I could, um, help you with that and, you know. Buy you something.” His gaze met hers tentatively, like he was afraid she’d yell at him or something.

In fact, the exact opposite happened. She couldn’t think of what to say. Once again, she was touched by another random act of kindness and generosity on his part. It was almost too much for her heart to handle. All she could manage out was a soft, “Th-thank you.”

She turned to the booth to examine the clothing. It was all very high-quality, made of light, flowy fabric that was silky to the touch. Any of it would probably work well for training. After a bit of perusing, she got her eye set on a traditional Fire Nation red and gold set with a cropped, fitted top and billowy pants with a breathable slit running up the leg. The only problem was, she wasn’t totally sure if she was comfortable showing off her stomach like that. She wasn’t the slimmest girl around, and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to pull it off well. But the outfit looked _really_ comfortable and she really liked those pants…

Zuko must have noticed her debating with herself because he placed a hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong? Is something bothering you?”

She tried to dismiss it. “Oh, no, no, it’s silly. Not a big deal.”

“Try me.”

She sighed. “Well, it’s just that… I really like this one outfit.” She lifted it up to show it to him. “But I’m just… not sure it’ll look very good on me.”

He furrowed his brow like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “What are you talking about, of course it will.”

“No, you don’t understand it’s the, y’know… the crop top.” She wrapped her arms protectively around her middle, as though even the thought of exposing her midriff was indecent.

He still looked confused for a moment before he nodded once in understanding. “Ah, that. Well then why don’t you have them fit you for it, and you can try it on? Decide if you like it.” He gave her an encouraging smile.

She smiled back appreciatively. “Okay.”

She was whisked away behind a foldable screen as a young woman quickly took her measurements. After a few minutes, she came back with the correctly fitted outfit, which Y/N put on. She took a look in the floor-length mirror. It actually looked… pretty good. She was still pretty self-conscious about her belly, but, overall, she thought she looked nice. Cute, even.

She stepped out from behind the screen to show Zuko, who’s eyes widened and face turned pink. He quickly looked away and coughed into his fist. “I, uh, know it’s completely up to you, but if it means anything to you, I, um… think you look really great.”

She couldn’t contain her giddy grin. She turned back to the attendant. “I’ll take it, thank you.” The attendant smiled and nodded, and Y/N went back behind the screen to change into her old clothes while Zuko paid. Her heart had fluttered at his reaction, and a warm, cozy feeling had bloomed in her stomach, leaving her with delight in her heart and a newfound confidence.

Once they’d purchased the outfit, Y/N looked up at Zuko expectantly, waiting for him to tell her where they were heading next. But instead of doing that, he simply averted his eyes and took her hand again, dragging her off as a furious blush bloomed on his cheeks.

Really, he was acting _so_ strange. She was starting to get kind of concerned. The blushing, the weird hand-holding thing, the awkward silence wasn’t all that unusual, but she’d really thought they’d moved past that by now. “So, um, mind telling we where we’re going?”

He looked at her briefly before averting his eyes again and coughing into his unoccupied fist. “It’s just that, well, it’s, um, almost lunch time. So, I thought that maybe we could, um… Get something to eat. Together.”

“Oh, um… okay. That sounds nice.” She _was_ starting to get kind of hungry. But why was he acting so weird about getting lunch? Was he planning on just not telling her?

He brought her to a small but nice little café-type lunch place. They were seated in a secluded corner with Zuko facing the wall so that he was less likely to be recognized by somebody entering or passing by the window. They sat across from one another as they quickly perused the menu and ordered. Once the waiter left, they were once again trapped in that painfully awkward silence that Y/N had grown way too accustomed to in the past month or so that she’d been “socializing” (if you could even call it that) with him.

Well past the point where the silence had become intolerable, Zuko cleared his throat, getting her attention. “S-so, um…… What do you like to do… for fun…?”

What the hell was he talking about? What kind of question was that? “Um… I draw…? You… already know that…?”

“Y-yeah… right.” A beat. “Is, uh… is that it?”

“Um, yeah, kind of. I’m, uh, really busy with work most of the time.” She let out a little nervous laugh.

“Oh. Right. Um… sorry about that.”

“No, no, I don’t mind! I have plenty of breaks and whatnot, I just spend most of them drawing.”

“Oh, um, okay. That’s… good.”

Oh spirits, this was starting to get agonizing. She already wasn’t the best at social interaction, and she was even worse when with someone who was also socially inept. He was the _Fire Lord,_ how the fuck was he _this bad_ at talking to people??? Well, she supposed giving grand speeches and addresses was different than making small talk or having a casual conversation. But she was still surprised, and very _very_ concerned. He’d been acting strange _all day,_ and for the life of her she couldn’t puzzle out why. She was getting worried that something was going on, and she couldn’t contain it anymore. “Hey, is everything alright? You’ve been acting kind of weird.” She instinctively reached out and placed her hand on top of his where it rested on the table in front of them.

His whole face flushed a furious scarlet and he sat up stick straight. “Y-yes, everything’s fine…!”

Now that only served to convince her of the exact opposite, but before she could comment on it the waiter returned with some tea and their food. That at least gave them a distraction, and an excuse to cut the painful conversation short. They ate in silence. It was obvious he wasn’t interested in telling her what was going on, and while it was frustrating, she knew that pressing him probably wouldn’t get her anywhere. If he wasn’t going to let her know what was bothering him, then at very least she could try to make him feel less uncomfortable, with whatever meager social skills she had at her disposal. “So, I heard you used to work in a place kind of like this."

He almost choked on his tea. “Wh-where did you hear that?!”

Oh shit did she touch on a nerve? Was it weird to admit that she’d been talking with his uncle? How would she explain how she knew him? Fuck, it was probably a bad idea to say that. “O-oh, um… I was just talking with General Iroh, and he mentioned he used to own a tea shop in Ba Sing Se you helped him with. I-I’m sorry if it’s a personal topic, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“No, no, it’s fine I was just… surprised. Not many people know about that. You know my uncle?” Before she could think up a believable excuse, he sighed and brought his hand up to his face. “You know what, I’m not even surprised. Spirits, I swear he knows everybody.”

She let out a little chuckled at that. “He’s that popular, huh? Can’t say that shocks me. He’s a great man.” She grinned. “And he makes great tea.”

“Yeah, he really is.” He looked down into his teacup, looking contemplative and maybe even a little nostalgic. “…He took care of me while I was banished, you know. For a long time he was the only person who was there for me. And I… didn’t always treat him the best.” He sighed heavily, his gaze still down. “I’ve done a lot of things I’m not proud of, some really terrible things. But probably the one I regret the most is not appreciating him enough, not staying loyal to him. He’s just done so much for me, and I’m, well, not a very good nephew, to put it lightly.” He rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a small, nervous laugh. He was quiet for a moment, before he decided to change the topic. “But, yeah. So you like tea?”

_‘What the hell kind of transition is that?’_ But she felt for him. She never thought that he would feel inadequate in that way—Iroh never shut up about him. It was obvious he loved him and was very proud of him. “Um, yes, I do.” She couldn’t help but reach back out to lay her hand on his again. “But hey, your uncle _adores_ you. Spirits, you’re all he wants to talk about half the time. You and the adventures the two of you had. And even if you’ve made some big mistakes in the past, he is _very_ proud of the man you’ve become. So don’t forget that, okay?” She smiled at him.

He seemed a little surprised, but he gave her a small smile in return. “Thanks. It... means a lot to hear that.” He appeared much more relaxed now, the tension that had been plaguing his shoulders all day finally dropping some. His smile turned into a smirk as he raised an eyebrow. “So, what exactly did he tell you about me? Nothing too embarrassing, I hope.”

She giggled. “No, nothing that bad. He talks a lot about that tea shop in Ba Sing Se.” She grinned playfully. “He told me you used to go by Lee back then, so I mean, I’d say _that’s_ kind of embarrassing.”

He flushed. “Hey, I was put on the spot, alright! It was the first name I could think of!”

Her grin widened as she snickered. “I get that, obviously, but _Lee???_ Seriously? The blandest, most common Fire Nation name ever? Spirits help us if you’re ever in charge of naming a child.”

He didn’t have any response to that other than a grumpy, red-faced pout, which only made her laugh harder. She couldn’t help but find it adorable. _‘Spirits, I love this man.’_ And she didn’t immediately correct it like she usually would have.

He cracked a smile in return. “Okay, maybe it’s a little funny. But I bet he didn’t tell you about the time he mistook an _incredibly_ poisonous plant for a tea leaf bush and ended up making a tea that gave him such a bad rash he could have died. If we hadn’t found help, that is.”

She snorted very unattractively. “R-really? I mean, it’s not funny that he almost died, obviously, but…”

He grinned. “Yeah. And did I mention we were fugitives at the time who could barely find food?”

“Good to see that he’s always had his priorities straight.” She snickered.

Everything was a lot more relaxed after that. They chatted and swapped stories as they ate (though Zuko’s were far more interesting, he still seemed interested in hearing about all the various mishaps that she’d been involved in at the palace). She didn’t think she’d ever heard him laugh so much before. It was… nice. Very, very nice. He had a very pleasant laugh, low and smooth and dark. She’d always loved his voice, but she thought she liked his laugh even better.

After they finished their meal, the waiter returned to take their dishes. “Would you two be interested in any dessert this afternoon? We have lovely fruit tarts.”

Zuko gave her a look. “Do you want anything? It’s on me.”

Her mouth practically watered at the thought of a fruit tart, but she didn’t want to take advantage of his generosity or seem like a pig, so she reluctantly declined. “Oh, no, I probably shouldn’t.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He gave her hand a squeeze, and she just then realized that not only had she not removed her hand from his, but that at some point their fingers had laced together. “This is my treat. Get something if you want it.”

Her face warmed, both at the realization that they were holding hands and at his sweetness. “O-okay. I’ll have one of those tarts then, please.”

“Excellent choice! One fruit tart for the happy couple coming right up!”

A raging inferno of red overtook her entire face from her collar bones all the way to her ears. **_WHAT?!?!?!_** She…! But he…! But _them?!?!?! **Fire Lord Zuko**_ and her?!?!? But-but _never…!_ She felt lightheaded, the floor beneath her swaying in a way that probably wasn’t normal. Oh spirits, oh spirits, **_what?!?!_** But before she could do anything other than choke on her own saliva, the waiter skipped off.

She turned a wild-eyed gaze to Zuko, only to find that his face was a deep crimson as well, though he didn’t look nearly as panicked or surprised as Y/N. But that didn’t make any sense—he was just as if not more awkward than her, wouldn’t being mistaken for a couple fluster him immensely?!

Wait. The window shopping, the handholding, him buying her new clothes, the lunch the awkward silence, the weird questions… Was she… on a **_DATE?!?!?!?!_** A date. A for-real, have-her-home-by-ten _date?!?!_ With **_Zuko?!?!?!_** Oh spirits, everything made so much _sense_ now! The ‘personal matter’, the lack of guards, why he seemed so nervous and then refused to tell her why he was acting so nervous. Oh, _oh,_ now she _really_ thought she might faint. But what kind of socially inept _dork_ takes somebody on a date… _and doesn’t tell them about it????_ Who _does_ that??? She may not have ever been on a date before, but that _kinda_ seemed like an important step??? You, know, _asking the person to go on a date with you???_

Now, she was _pretty_ damn sure that this was supposed to be a date-type situation of some kind, but she couldn’t just _ask_ him about it. Because A: what if she was expected to already know that it was a date, and B: what if she was actually _wrong_ and she made things weird by asking? She wasn’t going to risk it. So she would just sit there and suffer and pray that the waiter would come back with that fruit tart soon so she could go home and scream into her pillow.

Zuko was the one to break the silence, his cheeks still red and a slightly forced grin plastered on his face. “So, um… do you like desserts?”

“Yes! Very much!” she exclaimed, desperate to talk about _anything_ other than what the waiter had said. “I have quite the sweet tooth, you know?” She laughed nervously, perhaps a bit too loud.

He didn’t seem to mind. “I-I see.”

They once again sat in awkward silence until the waiter returned with the tart and the bill. Zuko paid as Y/N started munching on the tart. It was absolutely delicious, but she was still so very embarrassed that she couldn’t bring herself to comment on it. But she did offer him some. “D-do you want some?”

“Oh, no, I’m fine. I’m not really a big fan of sweets.”

“Oh, okay. It’s just really good, is all…” She couldn’t hide the slight disappointment in her voice. She kind of wanted to share it with him. Make her feel a bit less selfish for getting a whole tart to herself with his money (he could afford it, obviously, but it was the principle). ~~Also if she was being completely honest with herself if they were already on a date, she figured they might as well go all out.~~

He must have noticed the way she deflated, because he got this soft look in his eyes and said, “You know what, sure. I’ll have a little.” He took a bite and hummed, pleased. He gave her a smile. “You’re right, it is really good.”

She smiled back at him, a delighted sparkle in her eyes. She was still flustered, but not nearly quite so badly. She couldn’t let one off-hand comment ruin her entire lovely day. They finished off the tart and finally exited the restaurant. She rocked back and forth on her heels. “Soooo, is there anything else you need to take care of, or was that it?”

He smiled gently down at her. “That was all, thank you.”

They made their way back to the palace, and he insisted on holding her hand again so she didn’t “get lost in the crowd.” He also insisted on walking her all the way back to her room, which only further solidified the idea that this was supposed to be a date in her mind. Luckily, no one was around in the servants’ quarters to see them; she didn’t even want to _think_ about what kind of rumors would fly all over the place if anybody saw the Fire Lord walking with her to her room.

They stopped once they reached her door, and she turned to face him. “I-I know this was all business, but I still wanted to say thank you. I... I had a really good time today.”

He smiled. “You’re welcome. I had a good time too. Well, um, see you tomorrow, then.”

“Yes, you too.”

And then he was gone and she was all alone outside her room trying to still her racing heart. She’d try to make sense of what all this today meant later, but if he kept on doing things like this, she was going to have a _very_ difficult time keeping her feelings under control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am absolutely OBSESSED with the idea that, keeping in the context of Zuko and Mai being super on and off while they were together, at this point Zuko hasn't been on a proper date since Iroh made him go with Jin in Ba Sing Se. So he's trying SO HARD to remember what kinds of things she did and said even if they don't make much sense in the current context because he just has NO IDEA what he's doing, but by God he is TRYING.


	6. Happy For You, Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! This chapter title is from "I Don't Wanna See You With Her" by Maria Mena. Enjoy! Please let me know what you think down in the comments! 
> 
> Word count: 4,695

Three weeks later and Y/N once again found herself in Iroh’s tea shop in the early morning, talking about life, love, and Zuko. She had been avoiding talking about their maybe-date. In fact, she’d been avoiding _thinking_ about it. She didn’t want to give herself too much hope by reading into it too much. She was also still afraid that she was _already_ reading into it too much and that it wasn’t a date of any kind at all. And she just knew Iroh would made a big deal about it if she mentioned anything. But try as she might, it still plagued her. And she could _really_ use some advice. Luckily, it seemed the conversation was already steering in that direction.

“So, Y/N,” Iroh said, setting down his cup. “Any luck with stealing my nephew’s heart yet? Or are you still letting the world’s expectations get in the way of your happiness?”

She bit her lip and looked away. “Yeah, um, about that… something happened actually.”

His eyes widened, clearly not expecting that answer. “Really?” He laughed aa full, belly-deep laugh. “Good for you! So you’ve finally realized that holding back your feelings will only do you harm?”

“Um… no, not quite.” She wasn’t totally sure how to word this.

“No? What was it? Clearly it’s weighing on you. Maybe talking will lift some of the burden.” He reached over to the teapot and refilled her empty teacup.

“Yes, it’s just that, well, um…” A beat before she blurted out, “I think we went on a date!”

His eyebrows climbed high up his forehead. “You think?”

From then on, she just couldn’t contain herself as she rambled out everything that had happened. “W-well he never actually asked me but he said he had some personal business to attend to in town and that he needed my help with it but he didn’t want any guards with us and all we really did was window shop at some jewelry store and he bought me some new clothes and we ate lunch and he was acting really weird and nervous the whole time and he was asking me weird questions and it was super awkward but then it got better but then it got worse because the waiter thought we were together and we shared a fruit tart and then he walked me back to my room and honestly I’ve tried not to think about it since.”

Iroh gave her a long look, as though trying to wrap his brain around what she had just word vomited everywhere. “I see. Very interesting…”

“But, like, does that seem like a date to you?” she pleaded. “I’m pretty sure that’s what it was, but I don’t want to get myself all worked up over it if it’s no big deal. I mean, it’s not like I have anything to compare it to—I’ve never really been on a date before,” she added only somewhat bitterly.

“What, a lovely young lady like you? Now that I can’t believe.”

She’d mostly gotten used to his compliments, but she was still a little embarrassed. She shrugged. “I’ve just always been too busy to meet anyone. Pretty much all the people I know are also servants at the palace, and most of them are much older than me. And, I mean… there’s never really been anyone else I’ve ever wanted to go on one with…” She flushed lightly at the admission.

He hummed and took another sip of his tea. “If that was your first date, then I deeply apologize. I’ll have to have a stern talking with my nephew about how to treat a lady.”

“So you think it _was_ a date?”

“It can be a bit difficult to tell his intentions sometimes, but that _does_ sound like something he would do—take a lady out and not tell her about it.” He chuckled. “So, what do you plan to do?”

“O-oh, um, well, I haven’t really thought about it. I suppose I’ll just… carry on as usual.” What else could she do? It’s not like it magically changed everything. Even if it was a date and he was starting to become interested in her (which she _highly_ doubted), it didn’t make anything any different. He was still the Fire Lord, and she was still a maid, and he would still one day marry a noblewoman who would be fit to be Fire Lady. Personal feelings and desires had very little to do with it. And nothing would change just because one servant girl wished and prayed and wanted it with all her heart. As cynical as it sounded, it was just the truth, and it would only lead to heartache if she thought any different.

Iroh frowned. “Why don’t you just talk to him? He’s not that intimidating when you get to know him, I’m sure he wouldn’t be angry at you.”

She groaned, burying her face in her hands. “I can’t just _talk_ to him about it! It’s not about being intimidated, I kinda got over that when he took me to the South Pole, it’s about making things weird! You can’t just walk up to someone and be like ‘hey did we go on a date’—” She made a voice— “It’s rude! Not to mention awkward as hell! I mean, what if I’m supposed to already know?! What if it hurts his feelings?! What if it was never a date in the first place and he’s embarrassed and disgusted with me for ever thinking it was and he never wants to talk to me again?!” She threw her hands in the air and then slumped onto the table, defeated.

He put a hand on her shoulder. “Has anyone ever told you that you overthink things too much?”

“………………...Yeah.”

He laughed at her small voice. They talked for a little bit longer before Y/N needed to go. She got up and stretched. “Well, this has been nice, but my shift’s about to start. Thanks for the tea, Iroh.”

“Any time. Come back soon.”

But before she could open the door to leave, it slammed open, whacking her in the nose and knocking her behind it, pinned up against the wall. “Uncle! I need your help! It’s Y/N’s birthday today and I got her something but I have no idea how to give it to her. I could really use your advice.”

Y/N groaned, holding her nose. Was that… Zuko? She peered around the door to find that, yes, it was. He stood there with his eyes wide and his mouth open, staring at her. He obviously hadn’t expected to find her here. How did he know about her birthday? She had tried to keep it a quiet affair—she might have some cake with her parents later. But she really couldn’t ponder on what he said, too distracted by the throbbing pain in her nose.

“Y/N didn’t tell me it was your birthday! I would have gotten you something! Your present will have to be a few days late, then.” Iroh was completely unconcerned with the panic that was plastered onto his nephew’s face, instead concerning himself with cleaning up from his and Y/N’s tea.

Zuko finally found his voice, a deep red blooming across his cheeks. “I… am _so sorry._ I had no idea you were there are you alright???”

She probably would have found his fretting sweet were she not in so much pain. He hovered over her, a look of deep guilt and embarrassment on his face. She managed to look up at him as the throbbing eased into a dull ache. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, it’s okay. _Spirits,_ that stings.” She removed her hands from her face. “I don’t think it’s broken or anything.” She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring grin.

She heard Iroh laughing from the kitchen. “Well there you go, Zuko! It looks like destiny wants you to give it to her now!”

Now it was Y/N’s turn to blush as she fully realized what he had said as he barged in. He had bought her a present? She felt a little overwhelmed at the prospect, but she couldn’t help but wonder what it could be. But instead, she asked, “H-how do you know it’s my birthday?”

“Oh, um, I overheard your friend talking about how it was coming up soon, so I, uh, asked around. I hope you don’t mind.” He rubbed the back of his neck, unable to meet her eyes.

“No, no, I don’t mind. I’m just surprised.” Awkward silence befell them, as it had many times before.

Luckily, they had Iroh to break it for them this time. “I would invite you to stay for tea, nephew, but it seems you have something to attend to with Y/N, and she’s a little limited on time right now.” He sent them a wink.

Shit! She was going to be late for work! She turned to Zuko. “I’m terribly sorry but I need to get back to the palace my shift starts in like five minu—”

“No!” he exclaimed too loudly, making her jump. “No, I, um… I gave you the day off. Since it’s… your birthday.”

She blinked. “Oh, um… thank you. That’s very kind of you.”

“It’s not that big of a deal, really.” He rubbed the back of his neck again, his face still bright red. He bit his lip. “I… have something for you…! For your birthday. It’s, um, back at the palace.” He pointed in the direction of the palace awkwardly with his thumb. “Would you, um, like to come with me? So I can give it to you? I promise I’ll leave you alone for the rest of the day if you want.” He flashed her a nervous grin.

She was still trying to process the fact that he cared enough to ask somebody when her birthday was, and that he had gone out and gotten her a gift. But she still found herself nodding. “Yeah, yeah, that, um, that sounds nice. Thank you in advance.” Maybe it was the fact that her brain was still trying to work through what was happening, but she felt a little wave of confidence which pushed her to say, “But you don’t have to leave me alone. I like being with you.”

She didn’t think she’d ever seen somebody’s face turn _that_ dark of a red so quickly. He choked out, “O-okay.” As he took her arm and led her out of the shop, she thought she could hear Iroh laughing.

Iroh’s shop was very close to the palace, so it didn’t take them long to reach it. Zuko had let go of her arm by the time they arrived, leaving her feeling a bit disappointed, but at least she could breathe again. He led her up to his chambers, closing the door behind them so they’d have a bit of privacy. He gave her a look as if he were asking if this was okay, to which she nodded. She may have been a bit flustered, but she was getting much more used to being alone with him outside of a professional setting. That, and her curiosity and excitement were stronger.

He shot her a small smile before he walked over to his desk and rummaged around inside the drawer. When he turned back around to face her, he was holding a small package messily wrapped in red paper. He handed it to her with an uncertain smile. “Happy birthday, Y/N. I, uh, I hope you like it.”

She took it, a smile of her own growing on her lips as she looked down at the sloppy wrapping work. “Thank you. Did you wrap this yourself?”

He blushed again and scratched his cheek. “Yes. Is it that obvious?”

She chuckled. “Yeah, but it’s sweet, so I don’t mind.”

A gentler look crossed his face. He made a little nudging motion with his head. “Well, open it.”

She tore off the paper, too excited to care about leaving it all in one nice piece. Underneath was a small black box. She opened the lid only to gasp loudly, almost dropping it, her eyes wide. “Zuko, this it…!”

“The reason why I took you to that jewelry store a few weeks ago. I, uh, didn’t know what to get you, and Uncle said that women like jewelry, but I wanted to make sure I got something you liked, so...” He wasn’t looking at her, the sweet pink blush back on his face as he rubbed the back of his neck for the umpteenth time that day.

She was completely speechless. In the box lay the gorgeous ruby and onyx butterfly necklace she had admired three weeks before. It was just as stunning as it had been them, the light of the mounted sconces reflecting off the precious red gems, making it look like there was a fire dancing inside. She was almost afraid to touch it. It was _easily_ the finest, most expensive thing she had ever owned by _far._ It felt too precious for her to own. Tears welled up in her eyes as she looked up at Zuko, trying to say something, anything to thank him, but only a choked, watery noise came out.

His eyes widened in alarm at the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks. “W-what’s wrong?! Do you not like it?!”

She shook her head vehemently. _“No,_ no, I _love_ it. I-I don’t know what to say—I don’t even know if I can _accept_ something like this, it’s so expensive!”

He let out a breath, his tense shoulders dropping. A small smile found its way onto his lips. “Please, I want you to have it. I promise I have plenty of money.”

She laughed at that. “Yes, I don’t doubt it. This is just… thank you so much. I really don’t know what to say.”

“You’re welcome. You do a lot for me, so I wanted to do something for you too.” He gestured to the necklace. “May I?”

It took her a second to understand what he meant, but when she did, she blushed. “O-oh, um, yes of course, thank you…!” She handed him the box and turned around, moving her hair out of the way to expose the back of her neck to him. She shivered as his warm hands brushed against her skin as he clasped the delicate gold chain around her neck. She missed the contact immediately once he pulled away. She flipped her hair behind her and turned back around to face him with a smile. “So, how do I look?”

His eyes were wide as he stared at her, his mouth slightly open. He went a long time without saying anything, making her feel a little self-conscious as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other. He finally spoke, his voice sort of scratchy. “You look…” He swallowed. “You look beautiful.”

She beamed up at him, practically glowing with happiness. Before she could stop herself, she flung her arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a tight, impassioned hug. He slowly wrapped his arms around her in return, relaxing and leaning into the embrace. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, more tears falling from her eyes. “Thank you so much.”

She felt him rest his head on top of hers, his face in her hair. She could hear the smile in his voice as he said, “You’re welcome.”

She pulled away slightly to look him in the eye, still grinning from ear to ear. His expression matched hers, a smile pulling at his lips that made her heart pound and her knees go weak. He just looked so _beautiful_ in that moment; his molten gold eyes crinkled at the corners like that was how they were meant to be. _‘Kiss him,’_ a voice in her head whispered. And _fuck,_ did she want to. She wanted to slide her one hand from his shoulder and up his neck to cup his face and run her thumb against his scar, and bring the other one to tangle in his hair, running her fingers through the smooth black strands. She wanted to pull him close and slant her mouth over his, feeling that beautiful smile against her lips. She wanted those strong, warm, lovely hands on her waist, holding her and making her feel safe. She wanted to trace and memorize every inch of his gorgeous face with her lips and hands.

She wanted to tell him she loved him.

He stared at her for a moment, his grin starting to drop and by replaced by an oddly gentle look holding an emotion she couldn’t quite name. The air was thick with something. Something she couldn’t place, something she couldn’t even begin to describe.

Fortunately (or unfortunately), before she could impulsively act on any of her desires, there was a knock at the door. “Fire Lord Zuko, the sages are waiting for you,” came a gruff voice from behind the door.

They sprang apart, realizing they’d been hugging for much longer than what could be considered normal and friendly. Zuko sighed and sent her an apologetic look. “Sorry. I have a meeting I need to go to. But, um, would you mind joining me for dinner? I, uh, have one more thing for you.”

She smiled, a soft warmth in her cheeks and heart. “Y-yeah, sure. That sounds nice.” She wondered what it could be.

He grinned. “Great! I’ll, uh, see you then, then. Enjoy your day.” And then he ducked out of the room to go off to his meeting.

Once he was gone, Y/N sighed deeply. Was she _actually_ contemplating kissing the Fire Lord? Telling him how she felt? She needed to get ahold of herself. She’d been all out of whack lately. Just because they were kind of friends now didn’t mean that anything was different. She’d managed to keep quiet for nineteen long years—she wasn’t going to ruin that just because of a few sweet moments.

For the rest of the day she mostly drew, sitting in comfortable silence by the turtleduck pond. She didn’t often get this much time to herself in a day, and she was enjoying the opportunity immensely. She was surprised that when he said she had the day off, she _actually_ had the day off. Usually it was just “you have the day off until someone decides they need you.” It was _very_ nice. Though she still found herself greatly anticipating dinner with Zuko.

Around dinner time, a guard came to escort her to Zuko’s office, where they would be eating. It made sense he wouldn’t want to eat in the dining room with her. Even if there was nothing going on, a private dinner with a random servant girl would look _very_ suspicious.

The guard left her when she got to the door. She knocked three times, not waiting for his permission this time to enter. She found he had cleared the paperwork off his desk to leave them room to use it as a table, two large silver trays already sitting on it. He had pulled up an extra chair across from him for her to sit in. He smiled once he saw her. “Y/N. Come in, sit down.”

She did, “So, what’s this other present you wanted to give me?”

He smirked. “Be patient, it will come in time. Why don’t we eat for now?”

And so they did, pleasant conversation floating through the air as they ate, Y/N reveling in the decadent delicacies laid out before her. She practically moaned as she popped a dumpling into her mouth, melting.

He chuckled. “That good, huh?”

“Yesh!” she exclaimed, her mouth still full. She swallowed. “Thank you again. It’s delicious.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, though his pink cheeks gave him away. “It’s not a big deal. I eat this stuff all the time. You’re welcome to join me for a meal any time. I’d certainly enjoy the company.”

Warmth flooded her face as well. “O-oh. I’ll, uh, have to take you up on that sometime.”

Right when they finished eating, there was a knock at the door. Y/N internally groaned, thinking they’d been interrupted again. But Zuko flashed her a smile as he got up to open the door, not allowing whoever was there to see inside the room. He exchanged a few words with the person, but instead of turning back with an apology and an explanation of why he had to leave, he shut the door, another silver tray in hand.

“What’s that?” she asked.

He grinned. “The other present I was talking about.” He went back to sit at his desk, setting the tray on top of it. When he removed the lid she gasped. There was a large assortment of various miniature cakes, pies, cookies, and other sweets, like a lavish dessert sampler platter.

“You told me you liked desserts, so I thought this might be nice. Do you like it?”

“Oh my gosh, yes! Thank you so much!” The treats looked delicious, but even more than that she was just so touched that he had remembered one small comment she had made three weeks ago. She almost felt like crying again, but she didn’t want to freak him out again so she held it back.

He looked pleased. “So, what would you like to try first?”

Despite him telling her before that he wasn’t a very big fan of sweets, he shared the platter with her. It all tasted even better than it looked—all sweet and delicate flavors melting in her mouth.

As they finished up their dessert, he picked the conversation back up. “So, I, uh, suppose it would be rude to ask you how old you are today, huh?”

She giggled. “Nah, I’m not _that_ old yet. Women only get self-conscious about their age when they get past thirty. I’m twenty-five, same as you.”

He nodded and hummed. He stood up and started gathering their dishes from dinner. It felt weird for _him_ to be cleaning up after _her,_ but he seemed really invested in making sure she had a good birthday, so she didn’t object. Once he finished, he turned to her, his hands folded behind his back. He seemed a little… nervous, for some reason. He wasn’t looking directly at her, his eyebrows drawn together and his lips in a tight line. “Is something wrong?” she asked, concerned.

“No, um, it’s just that, well… I may have lied.”

She raised an eyebrow, urging him to go on. What was he talking about? What could he have possibly lied to her about?

He continued. “I actually have one more present for you. I just, uh… hope it’s not too much. Can you wait here for a second? I’ll go get it.” Without waiting for her response, he left, leaving her alone in his study and very confused.

Too much? He’d already given her a five-hundred gold piece necklace, but whatever he was bringing, _that_ he dubbed as being maybe too much??? She was beginning to become _very_ concerned. Money was obviously no object to him; she couldn’t even come up with a guess as to what this surprise third present was. She couldn’t even think of what else she could possibly want. She hadn’t even expected _one_ present! She was already starting to feel overwhelmed just thinking about it.

He returned a few minutes later holding a large box. This one wasn’t wrapped, bit there was a lid on top so it could be easily opened. He had a very uncertain smile on his face as he entered. He handed it over to her, and she was surprised that it wasn’t nearly as heavy as it looked, though there was a bit of weight to it. But what surprised her the most was the small sound it made when he passed it to her. Her jaw dropped, her eyes nearly popping out of her head. “You didn’t.”

His grin turned less nervous and more playful. “Well, open it and find out.”

She ripped the lid off and let out the loudest gasp she had ever gasped in her life. Inside the box sat a tiny, fluffy calico kitten. It looked up and her and blinked its eyes in the light, letting out another precious little meow. She was going to cry she was going to cry she was going to cry. She picked it up out of the box and cradled it in her arms, cooing softly as her eyes brimmed with tears. She scratched the top of its head, causing it to let out another sweet little mew. It had big, round yellow-gold eyes. A large patch of black fur covered one of its eyes, reminding her very much of a birthmark. It began to play with her hair, and she giggled with delight, pure joy in her voice.

She looked up at Zuko to find that he was smiling softly at her. Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry. “Oh my holy shit, Zuko! What, I—it’s _so tiny oh my spirits.”_

His grin widened. “So I take it you like him?”

“What, _yes,_ yes _of course,_ b-but I-I don’t have a litter box or a food bowl a-and I don’t have they money to buy him food or pay for vet bills and I’m not even _allowed_ to have a pet at the palace! I-I cannot begin to tell you _how touched_ I am, b-but it would be irresponsible of me to accept this gift—I just can’t take care of him!” It almost physically pained her to have to return this sweet, fluffy angel baby, but she just couldn’t. She couldn’t keep an animal she couldn’t take care of; it’d be cruel.

But he just shook his head, his smile not falling. “I also got you all the supplies you need, don’t worry. And I can pay for food or vet visits or anything else you might need; I can well afford it. And I’m the _Fire Lord,_ if I say you can have a cat, you can have a cat.” His face softened, and he placed his hand on her shoulder. “Take him. Please. I want you to have at least one of the things you’ve had to give up on for me.”

The sincerity in his voice and eyes struck her speechless. Before she knew him personally, she never would have thought he was such a generous person. But it seemed like all he had done so far over the past two months was give her things. If felt strange, and she didn’t totally know how to react to it. Or at all, really. She was completely unused to being showered in gifts and opportunities like this. It was kind of nice, but mostly it just felt overwhelming. So she did what she always did when she was overwhelmed: she cried. She sniffled as hot tears rolled down her cheeks, attempting to conjure up something akin to words. “T-technically this would be the second thing, s-since you’re teaching me f-firebending.”

“Well then you’ll have two things.” He reached out like he wanted to give her a hug, but he stopped himself, looking at her for permission. She nodded enthusiastically, a big, happy grin plastered on her face as more tears fell from her watery eyes.

He gave her a soft look before wrapping her in a warm hug. The kitten had since jumped down from Y/N’s arms and was now curled up in a fuzzy ball asleep on the floor, allowing for her to wrap her arms around him as well. “Thank you,” she whispered. “For everything.”

“You’re welcome.” He chuckled. “Do you always cry when you’re happy? This seems to be becoming a habit.”

She laughed as well. _‘Only with you,’_ she thought. _“Only with you.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You cannot convince me the Zuko would not be the kind of person who would buy somebody's birthday present right in front of them.


	7. Who You're Listening With

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this title's song is not about unrequited love, but there's a short scene at the very end that reminded me of this song and I felt like it just fit too well to not make it the title. It's "Cecily Smith" from Fly by Night. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! Please let me know what you think down in the comments!  
> Word count: 3,667

The next few months carried on with the new normal. It wasn’t that much different than before; Y/N still cleaned and cooked and chatted with Ayaka and brought Zuko his food. But now she called him Zuko without stuttering over his title beforehand and she had firebending training with him (which she’d started to get pretty good at) and she had a wonderfully spunky little kitten to look after and sometimes she ate lunch or breakfast with Zuko in his study and she had tea with Iroh every Tuesday. It was different, but very nice. And she was comfortable and… happy. Every time she spoke with Zuko she could feel herself falling more and more in love with him. It would have been scary, but the warmth in her heart and fluttering in her stomach drowned it out. And it wasn’t as if she wasn’t used to it.

Zuko’s advisors had been bugging him to hold a gala for nearly a year, and it was fast approaching, scheduled to take place just next month. With all the last-minute preparations, Zuko had been swamped with work, which had led to his friends writing to him and bothering him to take a vacation and visit them. After weeks and weeks of letters and some gentle nudging from Y/N as well, he finally agreed he’d take a week off to meet up with all his friends at the royal family’s vacation house on Ember Island. With one condition: Y/N goes with him.

Now, of course she had blushed profusely at the proposition, but she _really_ wanted him to relax for a little while and de-stress. Plus, Zuko said that Sokka, Aang, and Katara had been bothering him in their letters about wanting to see her again as well. She was touched that they’d grown so fond of her in the short time they were together. So she accepted. She would also be meeting another friend of Zuko’s she hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing during her little excursion to the South Pole: Toph. She’d heard quite a lot about her, both from her being famous for teaching the avatar and from Zuko talking about her. She was excited, but also, honestly, more than a little intimidated. She was a legend, and it also seemed like they were very different people. She hoped they’d get along.

When Y/N and Zuko arrived on the island, they were warmly greeted by Aang, Sokka, and Katara, who had arrived a few hours prior. Toph had yet to get there, but Y/N was almost a little grateful for that. It would probably be easier for her to handle meeting her after she got off the ship for a while. She was incredibly happy to see everybody else though, and she was greatly looking forward to the next week of relaxing and hanging out with them.

They arrived right around lunch time, so they went out into the town and sat down to eat somewhere. They got a lot of stares and people whispered to each other as they passed, but that was to be expected, considering that, well, Aang was the avatar and Zuko was the Fire Lord.

About halfway through the meal, Katara’s eyes lit up. “Oh Y/N, I love your necklace! Is it new? You didn’t have it when you came to visit at the South Pole.”

Y/N’s face warmed just a little. “Oh, um, kind of. Zuko got it for me for my birthday a few months ago, actually.” She brought a hand up to touch the red butterfly pendant lying between her collarbones.

Katara’s eyes widened. “Really? Zuko? That’s surprising. He’s not really the most fashionable guy; I wouldn’t think something he picked out would look so nice.”

Zuko glared at her. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sokka chimed in. “Well, you _did_ used to practically be bald with just that spirits-awful ponytail. I wouldn’t exactly call that a high-fashion statement.”

Zuko blushed bright red. “It was a _warrior’s cut!_ It was meant to symbolize my disgrace during my banishment, and I would get to grow it back once I regained my honor! Leave me alone about it!”

Ooooh, _that_ seemed to touch a nerve. Y/N giggled. “Wait, you were _what?_ Spirits, I can’t even imagine it.” His hair was so beautiful, the thought that he used to be basically _bald_ made her have to resist bursting into laughter.

He whipped his head around to face her at the sound of her laughing, the red on his face darkening. “It was a long time ago! And it was symbolic!”

Katara snorted. “Yeah, but it was still really bad.”

“I didn’t think it was _that_ bad,” Aang said, coming to Zuko’s defense.

“Because you’re bald! Of course _you_ wouldn’t think it looked bad!” Sokka exclaimed, exasperated.

Y/N couldn’t contain her laughter, but she decided to help the poor guy out. Zuko looked like he might combust with how red he was, heat practically radiating from his face. She patted his shoulder, which was easy seeing as how he was seated beside her. “Okay, okay, give him a break. We’ve all made mistakes.”

“Some more than others,” Sokka coughed un-subtly into his fist.

“Oh shut up!”

Y/N laughed again at Zuko’s half-hearted tone. It was fun seeing him all flustered like this.

“I didn’t know it was your birthday a while ago, Y/N,” Aang changed the subject. “I would have gotten you something!”

“I’m still hung up on the fact that Mr. Jerkbender got something fancy for his _lady friend.”_ Sokka batted his eyelashes, his voice rising teasingly.

Y/N flushed. “I-I’ve told you it’s not like that! It was just a nice birthday present!”

He looked unimpressed. “Uh huh. Tell it to the judge.” He looked over her shoulder, a grin growing on his face. “And speaking of the judge, there’s Toph!”

“How is Toph a judge?” Katara raised an eyebrow.

“You know, cuz she’s kinda judgy— _Ow!”_

Toph had walked up to the group while they were talking and whapped Sokka upside the head. “I’m blind, not deaf, you moron.”

“Toph!” Aang jumped up to give her a hug.

She patted him on the back. “Nice to see you too, Twinkle Toes. Or, hear you. Sokka, scoot over!” She pushed Sokka and squeezed next to him in the booth, across from Y/N. She looked vaguely in her direction, her brows furrowed. “Who’re you?”

Y/N resisted the urge to stand and bow. “I-I’m Y/N Y/L/N. I’m Zuko’s friend.” Out of the corner of her eye she could see him smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she continued. She stuck her hand out for her to shake.

Toph gave her an odd look. Shit, she was blind! She couldn’t see her hand! But before she could sheepishly return her hand to her side, Toph shook it, nearly crushing her fingers in the process. “Toph, nice to meet you too.” She grinned. “So, you’re friends with Sparky? Do you bend at all, Princess Proper?”

_‘Princess Proper?’_ She was expecting neither the nickname nor the question. “Oh, um, yes, a bit. Zuko’s been teaching me.” She sent a shy smile his way, which he reciprocated. “I’m not fantastic, but I think I’m starting to get the hang of it.”

“She’s doing really well,” Zuko chimed in, his eyes proud and shining. “She’s improved so much in such a short period of time. I think she might be picking up firebending faster than you, Aang.” Aang’s only response was to pout, but Y/N’s face heated up drastically at his praise.

“O-oh, um, thank you Zu—”

“Great! We should spar then!” Toph cut her off, a pleased look on her face as though it was already decided that they would.

Y/N was aghast. “Who, me??? No, no, no, I’m still a beginner I wouldn’t stand a chance against an earthbending master! Besides! You’d probably take more enjoyment out of it if you were up against somebody more on your level anyways!”

She waved off her concerns. “Nah, I wanna spar with you. It can be fun to see what newbies are capable of. Don’t worry, I’ll go easy on ya. A little.” She winked.

“I-I really don’t know…”

“Oh come on, Y/N!” Sokka interjected. “You’ll do great! I mean, you won’t win, but everything will be fine!”

How comforting.

Toph smirked, crossing her arms over her chest. “What, you scared?”

“Yes! Very much so! I’d really rather not break any bones on this vacation!”

Zuko laid a hand on her shoulder, causing her to look up at him. He gave her an encouraging smile. “I think you should do it. You can learn a lot by observing other bending styles. Of course, don’t do anything you don’t want to do, but I believe in you.”

Her heart stuttered at that, and she momentarily forgot how to breathe. “O-okay.” She agreed automatically, still busy getting lost in his soft golden eyes.

“Great! Let me get some food, then I can get busy kicking the snot out of you.”

Y/N swallowed. What the _hell_ had she gotten herself into?

* * *

After lunch, they moved to the beach. Toph said that since she wasn’t as good at sandbending as she was at normal earthbending, then sparring on the beach would make things a little easier for Y/N (though, Sokka had interjected that it wouldn’t be much of an advantage, considering that she was pretty damn good at sandbending too). They both got into position on either end of the beach, facing each other. Y/N was so nervous she thought her pounding heart might crack her ribs before Toph got the chance to. She was _so_ not prepared for this, not at _all._ Why had she agreed to this??? She had _no idea_ what she was doing!!!! She was going to die.

She shot a quick, uncertain glace at Zuko, who stood off to the side to watch with the rest of the group. He flashed her an encouraging smile and an awkward thumbs up. She sighed. She was doomed.

“I don’t usually do this, but since you’re just a newbie, I’ll let you start. Whenever you’re ready.” Usually, that would have been encouraging, but the edge to her voice and the way she cracked her knuckled made it sound more like a threat.

Y/N swallowed thickly. She had to think about this. Since Toph certainly had better stamina than her, it would be in her best interest to end this as soon as possible. So that would mean a lot of force and aggression—stay on the offensive as much as possible. Even though her chances of winning were very, _very_ slim, she was at least going to try. She took a deep, deep breath that she could feel down in her bones, and with a yell aimed a flaming kick right at her head.

Toph blocked it with a wave of sand, but before she could retaliate there was another fireball headed for her. The one advantage Y/N had was that firebenders were quick and powerful. She recalled the way Zuko had taught her how to move, swift, dancer-like. And she couldn’t believe it, but her plan was _working,_ at least somewhat. Toph was on the defensive, sending up wall after wall of sand to block the onslaught of flames Y/N sent her way. She knew she’d wear herself out if she carried on like this for too long, but right now she needed force.

She pushed a wave of fire through the sand wall she created, but it was no use. Toph’s defense was just too solid. She’d have to get crafty. She sent another billowing wave of fire at her, and while she was busy sending up a new sand wall, she swept her feet out from under her with a flaming foot.

Toph hit the ground for barely a second, but it was enough time for Y/N to advance with another fireball. She blocked it and dug her toes into the ground, sending hardened clumps of sand at her. She burned them away as fast as she could, but one slammed into her chest, knocking the wind out of her and sending her flying backwards.’

She hit the ground with a hard _thud,_ but right as she got her bearings a _humongous_ wave of sand started to roll over her. A spear of panic, fear. She screamed and swung her forearm in front of her face, sending more fire with it in a desperate attempt to burn the sand away. She braced herself for impact, but it never came. Instead of the surge of sand, there now stood a curved wall of solid glass. She blinked, and she heard a gasp from the group standing on the sidelines.

“What’d you do to my sand? It stopped!”

She didn’t dignify the question with a response, leaping to her feet and blasting white, desperation-fueled fire at her. Another sand pillar now glass. Now ever piece of sand Toph conjured up was burned into glass, leaving dazzling fissures scattered all around the beach.

As interesting as this new development was, the energy required to sustain such hot flames was starting to take its toll. Not to mention the light reflecting off all the glass nearly blinded her. Her movements grew sluggish, and that’s when Toph sent a few hard clumps of sand that she could burn in time, knocking her back onto her ass.

She groaned, and with her lack of energy she couldn’t get up before Toph planted her foot on her chest, more sand poised and ready for attack. She was soundly beat. She groaned again, her head falling back onto the ground with a soft _thud._ She heard Toph laugh as she removed her foot from her chest. When she offered Y/N her hand to help pull her back up to her feet, there was a wide grin plastered on her face. “Well, well, well, Princess, you put up more of a fight than I thought you would. I expected to have you flat on your ass in less than three seconds. You’re pretty good. Where’d you learn that trick with the sand?”

She took her hand and hoisted herself back up to her feet. She brushed the sand off of her clothes before rubbing the back of her neck shyly. “Oh, um, thanks. I don’t really know. It kind of just… happened.”

The rest of the group rushed over, Aang practically bouncing in excitement with stars in his eyes. “That was so cool, Y/N! How’d you do that with the glass?!”

“That was pretty impressive, I’ll admit,” Sokka added. “I didn’t expect you to last that long.”

“You did a really great job, Y/N. It was really cool to watch you. Are you hurt at all? I can heal you if you need,” Katara said.

Y/N waved her off. “No, no, I’m fine. Nothing hurt but my pride.” She felt a twinge in her side as she tried to move. “Oh, ugh, and my ribs, apparently.” Her eyes turned to Zuko, who had an expression on his face that was some kind of mixture between amazement and pride.

“That was… really good,” he said, a grin growing on his face. “I’ve never seen somebody do that with firebending before. And I’ve seen a lot of firebending.” He chuckled awkwardly. His eyes were fond as he looked down at her. “You’ve really improved. I’m proud of you.”

Her heart thumped hard against her ribcage, warmth flooding her cheeks. “Th-thank you,” she stuttered.

They stood there for a second longer, just smiling shyly at each other, before Toph ruined the moment by clearing her throat loudly. “At least get a room, sheesh.”

They both blushed, taking a step away from each other. Y/N looked at him only to find he was also looking at her, causing both of them to look away again. The air felt thick.

Toph either didn’t notice or just didn’t care, because she easily pushed past them, making her way to the house. “Get a move on, lovebirds. All that bending made me hungry again. Let’s see what kinds of snacks you’ve got stored up in the kitchen, Sparky.”

The group followed Toph up to the beach house, but Y/N and Zuko exchanged another small smile while they walked.

* * *

“So, what should we do for the rest of the day?” Aang rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet as everybody lounged around on the steps of the beach house. They had spent a few hours just chatting and catching up, and now they were trying to puzzle out their schedule.

“Well, you might not like it, but I have an idea,” Katara said. “You remember that play we saw last time we were here?”

There were collective groans from everybody except Toph, who was grinning, and Y/N, who was confused. “A play? What play did you see?”

Sokka leaned in conspiratorially to tell her. “It was a long time ago, back when we were still fugitives. The theater company put on a show about us. It was _terrible._ Well, except for my character—once he took my advice he started being pretty funny.”

_“I_ loved it,” Toph chimed in, but no one acknowledged her.

“Yes, I know, I know. But they’re putting on another show tonight, _Love Amongst the Dragons._ I thought it might be nice to go. They probably got some new actors, maybe they’ll be good this time. Zuko, I think you mentioned something about this play once before? I recognize the name.” Katara turned to Zuko.

He groaned, rubbing his face with his hand. “Yeah, it was m—”

“It was Lady Ursa’s favorite! Oh, I’ve always wanted to go see it—my father used to work for Lady Ursa and she talked about it all the time!” She couldn’t contain her excitement, stars in her eyes as she unintentionally cut Zuko off. “It sounds so romantic! And I’ve never been to a play before—I’ve always wanted to go to one!” There was a moment of silence where they all stared at her (well, minus Toph, who stared in her general direction). She shrunk back, self-conscious of her outburst. “Oh, um, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout or interrupt you, Zuko. I just, uh, got a little excited, is all.”

Zuko gave her a smile. “No worries. We’ll go, then.”

Sokka raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you tell me how much you _hated_ going to that sho—”

“I _said,_ we’ll go.”

“Okay, okay. Chill out, Your Royal Jerkness.” Sokka held his hands up placatingly. “We’ll go to the play, then.”

Y/N clapped her hands together, a wide grin on her face. “Oh, I’m so excited! My very first play! I hope the clothes that I brought are fancy enough!”

“If last time was any indicator,” Aang said, “it’s not a very formal thing. I’m sure you’re okay.”

She could barely contain her enthusiasm, a wide, toothy grin stretching across her face. A play! A real-live play! All the theater companies in the Fire Nation capital were very hoity-toity and expensive, making theater pretty much a noble’s pastime exclusively. Her father had been to a few to accompany Lady Ursa, but Y/N had always been fascinated by it. “Well, I’m still going to change, though. I want to look nice.”

“You always look nice,” Zuko interjected. He must have not realized what he said, because a second later red bloomed on his face. He didn’t retract the statement, though.

She flushed as well. “O-oh, um, thank you.” She wanted to say that he looked good as well, but she thought that might make things more awkward, so she just left it. She went up the steps into the house to go change. This could end up being a very long week.

* * *

Since their party included both the avatar and the Fire Lord, they had _very_ good seats: third row, front and center. Y/N ended up in the middle between Aang and Zuko. She was practically vibrating with excitement. Although Zuko had backed her up in wanting to see the play, he definitely didn’t mirror her enthusiasm. He was slouched in his seat, a bored expression on his face. The show hadn’t even started yet, and he already looked about ready to fall asleep. It made her start to feel a little bad about insisting they go see it. She wanted him to enjoy himself too. But that was washed away by a buzz of delight as the curtain started to open and the stage lights turned on. She grabbed his arm. “Oh, look, look, it’s starting!”

From then on, all her attention was fixed on the show, her eyes wide and sparkling as the female lead stepped onto the stage. She was stunning in red and gold, and no matter what everyone had said about this theater company’s acting abilities, she was mesmerized. The performance was deeply moving—she completely understood why Lady Ursa loved this play so much.

As it got to the climax, where the princess and the Dragon King were finally reunited, she felt warm tears prick at her eyes. It was just so beautiful—she felt overwhelmed. Zuko leaned over to whisper in her ear, sending more little goosebumps along her skin. “A-are you okay?”

She nodded, her eyes not leaving the stage. She needed grounding, her emotions overtaking her. So she slid her hand down his arm and linked her fingers with his, squeezing tightly. She sniffled, her voice breathless. “Yes, yes, it’s just… so beautiful. So romantic.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, but a wide smile was plastered on her face.

And she didn’t see it, too focused on the show in front of her, but Zuko had an awestruck look on his face as well. Though he wasn’t watching the play, instead looking down at her. His gaze softened. “Yeah,” he breathed, eyes not leaving her. “It really is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you tell that I love Toph? And that it is one of my biggest dreams for her to give me a nickname? No? Well now you do.
> 
> And also, yes, I fudged a little on the science for the glass. The fire would have to be WAY hotter than just a white flame to make glass, but it's cool and it comes up later, so yeah. Just, suspending our disbelief here.


	8. Like I Did Yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance because I'm an emo piece of shit. Also this chapter is kinda angsty, so I apologize in advance. Enjoy! Please let me know what you think down in the comments!
> 
> Word count: 6,258

The next day, Toph and Aang decided they wanted everybody to spend the morning all together playing on the beach, like they used to do when they were traveling together as kids. Y/N was a little self-conscious about wearing a swimsuit, but she figured it could be fun. She wasn’t a huge fan of swimming (another thing that she never got to learn how to do living and working at the palace), but she thought it’d be nice to sit on the beach under an umbrella and practice her sketching.

Sokka and Toph were making sandcastles, Katara and Aang were getting into a _heated_ splashing fight, Y/N sat on the beach drawing the ocean, and Zuko sat nearby watching everything. It was all-around a very pleasant way to start the day.

“Hey, Y/N!” Sokka called, waving an arm in the air. “I found something for you!” He ran up to her and handed her a beautiful pink and white conch shell. “I saw it and I thought you might like it.”

“Oh thank you! It’s beautiful!” She took it, turning it over in her hands. “You know, supposedly if you put a conch shell up to your ear, you can hear the sounds of the ocean.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Listen!” She took a step closer and held the opening of the shell up to his ear.

He put his own hand overtop hers and turned his head to the side, his brows furrowed as he focused. His eyebrows shot up. “Wow, you’re right! That’s pretty cool.”

Someone cleared their throat pointedly behind her. She turned to find Zuko with his arms crossed over his chest and a grouchy expression on his face. “Oh, Zuko! I didn’t realize you were there. Did you want to listen too?”

“Um, sure. But, uh, why don’t we go sit over there.” He pointed over to the umbrella he’d been sitting under. “I put some towels down so we wouldn’t have to sit in the sand. And I think Toph’s about to destroy your sandcastle, Sokka.”

“NOT AGAIN!” Sokka ran off to go defend his sandy sculpture from Toph, who was standing over it with a demented grin.

Y/N laughed at his antics, and she could see Zuko smile softly out of the corner of her eye. She grabbed her sketchbook and followed him back to the towels, plopping down on the ground. She held the conch up to him. “Here, listen! Sokka said he could hear it!”

He took it and held it up to his ear for a second. He nodded and gave her a small smile. “Yeah. That’s cool.” His eyes darted off to the side. “I, uh, didn’t know you liked that kind of stuff. Shells.”

“Oh, um, yeah. They’re pretty.” She didn’t really know what else to say, so she picked up her sketchbook and continued on what she had been working on before Sokka interrupted her.

“So, um, what do you think of Ember Island so far? Are you enjoying yourself?”

She looked up from her sketching to see a nervous smile on his face. He never was the best conversationalist, but she found it kind of endearing. And she thought it was sweet that he was trying to make sure she had a good time. She smiled back. “Yes, it’s been great. I’m really glad you let me come with you.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I do hope that Lee doesn’t miss me too much, though.”

His eyes narrowed, and it was impossible to miss the edge in his voice. “Lee? Who’s Lee?”

She was surprised by how agitated he sounded—she couldn’t possibly see how what she said could have upset him. “Um… the kitten…? The one you got me for my birthday…? I named him Lee. I got Ayaka to watch him while I’m here, but I just hope he doesn’t get too lonely.” She chuckled. “He can be a bit clingy.”

He frowned, but he looked a lot less tense. “Really? You named the cat I gave you Lee? If I remember correctly, weren’t you the one giving me shit about that name at some point? I would’ve thought an artist would be more creative.”

Her cheeks warmed, but she tried to hide her embarrassment by crossing her arms and sticking her chin up in the air. She huffed. “Well, I just so happen to know a sweet yet grumpy man who also has yellow eyes and a mark covering half his face who used to go by the name. Perhaps you’ve heard of him?” Honestly, the second she had set her eyes on the kitten its appearance reminded her of Zuko, and once she saw some of its personality the resemblance grew even stronger. Soft and affectionate yet grumpy and temperamental. But she couldn’t very well name her cat Zuko—that’d be _really_ weird. So she chose his old alias. Plus, she thought it was a nice homage to the man who gifted the cat to her.”

Red crept up his neck to overtake his face. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. He swallowed thickly, but his voice still cracked a little as he croaked out, “O-oh.” He didn’t seem to be able to manage anything other than that, so she just sent him a smile and went back to her drawing.

After a long while of sitting and sketching in silence, Zuko cleared his throat, pulling her attention away from her sketchbook. “So, um, you know I’m holding a gala next month, right?”

She hummed and nodded a small smile gracing her lips. “Yes. And I also know that you hate galas and parties in general, so you’ve been dreading it greatly.”

“Y-yes. So, um, to make it more bearable, I was, uh, wondering if perhaps… you’d like to come?” He rubbed the back of his neck, as she noticed had begun to become a bit of a habit of his when he was nervous.

She blinked. “Well, I would love to, but… I already am…? I’m going to be walking around serving drinks all night. I might be a little busy, but you’ll still see me.” She gave him a smile, slightly confused by his question. Certainly he knew she would be working the gala. Why would he worry about her attending? Why’d he even care about attending? Well, they were friends now, sure, but certainly he had other friends attending. She believed that the Gaang was going to be there—he was better friends with them anyway.

“No…! No, not like that.” He blushed, and an almost pained look crossed over his face. “I mean, as… as a guest. As _my_ guest. Somebody else can cover your shift.”

Now it was her turn to flush pink, her eyes wide. “O-oh…! Um, I’d be honored, b-but I don’t know if I can. I-I mean, you’ve been giving me so many breaks and doing so many things for me lately and this gala is really important—I wouldn’t want to be pawning off all my responsibilities onto other people. A-and besides. You, uh, probably don’t want to be seen with me too much at an even like that…” Her eyes turned downcast, unable to maintain eye contact.

There was a disappointed crease in his brow and a confused lilt to his voice. “What do you mean by that? Why wouldn’t I want to be seen with you?”

“W-well… it’s just that… you know, I’m a… a servant. And you’re the Fire Lord. And a lot of really fancy important people are going to be there. We might be friends, but I don’t doubt that there are a lot of nobles that wouldn’t be too pleased to see a maid there as a guest. And I… I don’t want to harm your reputation. People’ll gossip. You don’t want the other servants to start accusing you of playing favorites, yeah?” She tried to lighten the mood with a wink and a chuckle. “Besides, I don’t even have anything I could wear to a fancy even like that!” But despite her attempt to bring some levity to the conversation, she couldn’t hep the feeling of shame that rose up in her. Shame in her class, in her occupation. In the fact that by being close to him—by just being his friend—she could damage his invaluable reputation in the eyes of some very, _very_ important people. So not matter how much she wanted to accept, how flattered she was that he even offered, she had to decline.

He frowned, the crease in his brows deepening. But his voice was gentle, almost a whisper, as he said, “Do you really think that little of yourself?”

She looked up in surprise, meeting the golden pools of his eyes, which were filled with some kind of gentle yet intense emotion she couldn’t quite place. “W-what?”

“Do you really think that you’re so below me? That I care about your station?” He placed a hand on her shoulder that was almost… tender. It made her heart swell dangerously. He gave her a small smile. “I promise you, I don’t care what anyone thinks. You’re my friend, and I want you to be there as my friend. And besides—” He grinned, a playful flint in his eyes. “Most of the nobility aren’t all that familiar with the palace servants. Once we get you a dress and they see you standing next to me, they won’t even know.” His expression turned earnest as he looked deep into her eyes. “Please, Y/N. For me.”

She wanted to say no. She wanted to remember her place and listen to her gut and everything she had ever told herself since she started catching feelings for the Fire Lord, then prince. She knew that the more time she spent with him like this the more heartache it would inevitably cause her. The more she allowed him to nurture those deep, deep feelings rooted in her heart the more agonizing it would be when they were ripped away from her, leaving her heart in mangled tatters. It had been so easy to love him from afar when it truly _was_ from afar—when he didn’t know her or talk to her or laugh with her or give her birthday presents or take her on vacations. It had been so easy to accept that she could never have him: it was waved in front of her face every day with the generic way he greeted and thanked her every morning when she brought him breakfast or came to tidy up his quarters or deliver a message (not that he was being ingenuine when he thanked her before, but now it was all _so_ much different).

She knew this was a bad idea. She knew this was dangerous. She knew she was quickly approaching she could never come back from, if she wasn’t already there. She knew she should look him in the eyes and say no. No, I can’t, I’m busy. No, I’ve been shirking too many of my responsibilities. No, the staff need me to help. No, I don’t want the attention. No, I don’t want to hurt your image. No, I’m in love with you and I won’t be able to handle standing by your side in front of so many people knowing that you will never love me back the way I want you to.

But she couldn’t. That traitorous, rebellious heart of hers wouldn’t let her. Not when he had his warm, rough hand on her shoulder and he was looking down at her with that pleading, bordering on desperate look in his beautiful eyes. Because as much as she knew he would never be hers, she also knew she would do anything for him. Lie, cheat, beg, steal, follow him to the ends of the earth or wherever else he may choose to go if he asked it of her. And she would stay if that’s what he wanted as well. Stay far, far away from him or become so very close if that’s what he asked for. Maybe it wasn’t very strong or independent of her, maybe a bit patriarchal, but she couldn’t help it. She loved him.

And probably the only thing she _wouldn’t_ do for him was stop, not out of selfishness, but because she just couldn’t.

So she said yes. She sighed. “Okay… But don’t blame me if I stick out like a sore thumb.”

The way he beamed at her almost made betraying her rationality worth it. “Really? Thank you, thank you, I promise you won’t regret it!” He pulled her in for a tight, quick hug, pulling away before she even had the chance to register it. “We’ll get you a dress. I know some pretty high-end clothing stores here on the island. Don’t worry, I’ll pay for it.”

She couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. “You know, one of these days I’m going to have to buy _you_ something. I can’t be freeloading all the time.”

He laughed. “I’ll be excited to see what you get me.”

“Hey there, lovebirds! Don’t be getting too cozy over there, I can tell how close you’re sitting!” Toph called from where she was still building sand sculptures with Sokka.

That’s when Y/N realized that their thighs were touching, one of Zuko’s hands still resting on her shoulder from when he pulled her into the hug. They frantically scooted apart. Y/N glanced at him, her face warm. She found that he was looking at her too with a shy smile and a blush. They both looked away, but the warm feeling in Y/N’s heart persisted.

* * *

Y/N decided she might as well get her gala dress as soon as possible, since she’d be incredibly busy when she got back to the palace. So later that day when there was a lull in their activities, she approached Zuko about those Ember Island clothing shops. “Hey, since we have some free time right now, want to go show me those dress shops you were telling me about?”

His eyes lit up. “Oh, sure. Just let me grab my money. I’m sure we’ll find something you like.”

She smiled at his eagerness, but before they could head out, a loud crash sounded from inside the kitchen. They shared a look of confusion and alarm before rushing inside. There they found an… interesting sight. _Somehow,_ Sokka had gotten himself stuck inside one of the cupboards, only his rear and his legs poking out and dangling in the air. Katara, Aang, and Toph had beat them there, Katara ripping into Sokka for his stupid actions, while Toph was practically rolling on the floor laughing. Aang was obviously trying to seem concerned, but the smile he was biting back gave him away.

“Seriously?! We’ve not even been here for two days and you’ve already done something stupid?! How the hell did you even get up there?!” Katara yelled up at him with her hands on her hips.

“I was just looking for a snack!” Sokka cried, his voice muffled from inside the cupboard. “I’m sorry, please help me get out!”

“Why the hell would you climb _inside_ the cupboard to get a snack?” Zuko asked, incredulous.

“Because he’s an idiot!” Katara snapped.

“Hey! I take offense to that!”

Aang let out a little snort of a laugh. “Says the guy stuck in a cupboard.”

Even Y/N couldn’t resist a giggle at that. Zuko turned to her with apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry, but this looks like a multiple person job. You go on without me.”

“Oh no, I can wait. It’s no big deal.”

Somehow, through his struggling and wiggling around, Sokka managed to wedge himself even _further_ inside the cupboard. Zuko shot her a look. “This may take a while. And Toph seems to be out of commission.” He nudged his head toward the earthbender still rolling on the floor clutching her stomach. He turned his eyes back to Y/N. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. I’d probably draw too much attention anyway.”

She was apprehensive, but she knew he was right. “Okay. Just tell me where to go.”

He smiled at her and told her the names of the high-end dress stores in the town, handing her his coinpurse. She knew he was wealthy, obviously, but _damn,_ it was _heavy._ She would’ve thought he’d bring less money with him. Unless he was planning to ask her to come to the gala and buy her a dress since the beginning, which was greatly possible.

She tucked the bursting coinpurse into her bag and set out. Luckily, all the stores Zuko told her about where in the same area. But she couldn’t deny that she was a little nervous as she approached. The closer she got to those fancy stores, the fancier the people got as well. All dressed up in their ornate robes and hair pieces. She felt painfully out of place with her plain servant clothes and loose, unembellished hair. Sure, she was wearing makeup, but that didn’t do much in her favor when it was obvious she wasn’t nobility. Even so, she had dealt with plenty of rich assholes before—she could handle herself. So she squared her shoulders and held her head high as she could as she entered one of the dress shops.

She could feel all the eyes on her as she walked through the door, but she tried to ignore them. She immediately went to go browse the racks. She’d admit, everything was absolutely gorgeous. New foreign trade had obviously been good for this store, seeing as how they carried all different styles and vibrant colors of dresses, not just traditional Fire Nation red. She picked up the skirt of one of the dresses and let the fabric run through her hand, finding it to be made of some kind of fine silk.

Since this was an international gala, she figured it would be best to stick with something red to identify herself as a citizen of the Fire Nation. Nothing too flashy, she didn’t want to draw more attention to herself than necessary, but nice. Looking at all the rows upon rows of fine clothing, she began to feel a little overwhelmed. She really wished she had Zuko with her, maybe then she wouldn’t feel so lost, since he knew way more about all this fancy stuff than she did. She also probably wouldn’t have to be focusing her energy on ignoring all the judgmental stares boring into the back of her skull.

She refused to let herself shrink in on herself like her instincts told her to do. She walked on over to the Fire Nation-styled section of the store with a raised chin and focused stare. If you acted like you belonged somewhere, people usually left you alone. At least, usually.

An attendant approached her, a carefully neutral look on her face that matched her tone of voice. “Can I help you?”

Even though she was trying to seem impassive, Y/N could sense the hostility radiating off of her. She didn’t give in, though, giving her her most polite smile. “Oh no, thank you, I’m just looking around at everything.”

The attendant didn’t smile back, but her eyes tightened at the corners in a very unpleasant way. “Is there anything you’re looking for in particular?”

“No, well, something traditional. Nice.” As much as she didn’t want to interact with this woman, Y/N was pretty damn lost about what exactly she should buy for a royal gala. Of course, she wasn’t going to _say_ it was for a royal gala because it was none of her business and, frankly, she didn’t think she’d believe her even if she said so, not with the way she eyed her work clothes. But maybe she could at least point her in the right direction.

“Yes…” A barely visible sneer tugged at the woman’s lips as she looked Y/N up and down. It was plenty for her to notice the slight disdain in her voice, though.

She felt like she was being judged, evaluated. And though that made her feel even more insecure about her status and appearance than ever, she couldn’t let it show. Neither her expression nor her posture changed in the slightest. The attendant made no move to help her or continue speaking, so she continued leafing through the racks of Fire Nation clothing. She ignored the fact that the attendant was still there staring critically at her despite making no move to help her in any way. Unable to take the silence, she said, “You have very beautiful dresses.”

“Thank you,” she said curtly.

Y/N moved over to look at a lovely red and black floor-length gown displayed on one of the mannequins. “How much is this?” she asked, not once losing her polite, gentle tone.

She noticed another attendant come up to stand beside the first one. Both of them gazed at her with cold eyes. The first one responded quickly, the monotone timbre of her voice not faltering. “I don’t think this would fit you.”

Whether that was a comment on her size or the fact that they _obviously_ didn’t want her to shop there she couldn’t tell, but she honestly didn’t care. Both possibilities caused a spark of anger and irritation to rise up in her. Even with her best efforts to maintain her calm, pleasant façade, her lips drew into her teeth in a hard line just a bit. “Well, I didn’t ask if it would fit I asked how much it was.”

The first attendant turned to the second, her voice hostile and frigid. “How much is this, Yukiko?”

The second attendant, Yukiko, was much more expressive about her animosity, her arms crossed and her face drawn into a glare as her eyes flitted between the first attendant and Y/N. “It’s _very_ expensive.”

“It’s very expensive,” the first attendant repeated, turning back to Y/N.

Y/N couldn’t contain the bite of anger that snuck into her voice, her expression hardening as she moved back over to look more at the clothes on the racks. “Look, I have money to spend in here.”

The attendants stepped in front of her, blocking her way. They regarded her coolly as the first one said, “I don’t think we have anything for you. You’re obviously in the wrong place.” A pause. “Please leave.”

A flash of hot shame shot through her. She had nothing else to say. She tried her very hardest to not let them see the tears that had started to sting at her eyes. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and turned to leave, hopefully keeping some of her dignity intact.

She managed to save face all the way until she reached the private beach where Zuko’s beach house was. She leaned up against the side of the beach house, sliding down to the ground, and buried her face in her hands, bursting into tears. She was used to being treated shittily by nobles, but somehow this was different. Even when she’d been insulted and harassed and groped, she had never felt so _humiliated._ The way they _looked_ at her? Like she was a disgusting piece of hair that had been found in someone’s soup or a cockroach on a pristine countertop: revolting, filthy, and unwanted. Lowly. A commoner. A peasant. A poor servant girl.

She thought what made it hurt so bad this time was that _they_ were supposed to be helping _her,_ not the other way around. She could tolerate being treated like garbage by nobles at the palace because it was her _job_ to tolerate them. She would never even _dream_ of disrespecting somebody she was supposed to wait on the way they had her, no matter how insufferable they may be. Though, that was probably because they could do something about it if they were disrespected. Y/N… couldn’t. They were powerful, they were wealthy. And Y/N’s fate, and the fate of her whole family, was held in their hands. They could poke and prod and toy with her all they wanted because she was powerless to stop them. She was nothing.

She began to deeply regret accepting Zuko’s invitation to attend the gala as his guest. If that was how she was treated by a couple of snooty dress shop attendants, how much worse would it be at the gala? With actual noblemen and women? Would staying by Zuko’s side really protect her from all the looks and comments? Would they really not be able to tell she was a servant? Or would they be able to sense it, smell it on her—her dirty, unpedigreed blood. Would Zuko really be safe from judgement?

It took an embarrassingly long amount of time for her to pull herself together. Her throat felt raw from sobbing, her face dry and stinging. She wiped away the last of her tears and gave herself a moment to breathe, hopefully letting some of the redness around her eyes fade. She wished she could check her reflection, but she didn’t exactly have a mirror so she’d have to trust that it wasn’t too obvious she’d been crying.

She had missed lunch, and apparently, she had stayed out so late that Katara was now preparing everybody’s dinner. She tried to avoid conversation and eye contact as much as possible, not yet trusting her voice and still filled with shame. Luckily, no one noticed that she had gone dress shopping and come back empty-handed. Sometimes she was glad for Zuko’s obliviousness.

Dinner went by smoothly. Some idle chatter, catching up and whatnot. But Y/N just couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened at the dress shop. It kept her from really enjoying the company. She needed to think. So shortly after dinner, she started to make her way down to the beach. However, before she could get outside, a gentle hand fell on her shoulder. She turned around to find Zuko staring down at her with a concerned expression. “Hey, is everything okay? You’ve been really quiet ever since you got back this afternoon.”

She didn’t like lying, even less lying to him, but she couldn’t very well tell him the truth. She couldn’t tell him she was upset because she’d been made a mockery of by the shop attendants. One, she knew he’d blame himself for not being there with her and two, she just couldn’t bring herself to admit something so humiliating happened. She felt ashamed of herself. She just couldn’t tell him. She gave him her best reassuring smile. “Yeah, I’m good. Just not feeling super chatty. I’m gonna go outside for a little bit, get some fresh air.”

That smile must have been particularly convincing, because he backed down, some of the tension in his shoulders dropping. “Okay. Just… promise me you’ll let me know if anything’s bothering you, okay? Even if it’s something small.”

_‘Oh spirits, why must you torture me so? Seriously, an **immediate** guilt trip? What’d I ever do to you?’ _She had to swallow down a lump in her throat as she lied through her teeth. “I promise.”

He smiled at her and removed his hand from her shoulder. “Okay. Just don’t stay out for too long—it’s starting to get pretty dark.”

Her smile was a little more genuine at his concern. “Don’t worry, I won’t.” She made her way outside down by the beach, sitting near the shore. It _was_ getting to be pretty dark, the moon fully visible as it shined radiantly down onto the water, casting the world in a soft blue glow. The air was pleasantly cool both from the night and the breeze off the ocean—perfect for some thinking, alone.

Unfortunately, the thoughts that came to mind were not pleasant ones. How could she _ever_ think that the nobility would accept her as his friend? What the hell was she _thinking_ accepting his invitation like that??? She had nothing to gain and everything to lose. Well, she’d gain some fantastic quality time with the man she was desperately in love with, but the potential losses were far greater. Ridicule, criticism, shame, judgement, rumors, her heart left in tine broken shards. How could she be expected to pose as nobility if no one would even sell her a dress?

The fact of the matter was that she couldn’t. She just couldn’t. Even with fancy clothes and the Fire Lord at her side, she still couldn’t pretend to be someone important—someone who mattered. Because she wasn’t. She didn’t. Because she was a servant, because her parents were servants and her grandparents were servants and her great-grandparents were servants and if she ever had any children one day they would also be servants. It was in her blood—whatever it was that made her so fundamentally different than those born in a higher class. What made her unfit to stand by Zuko’s side.

And that was really what all of this was about. She had learned to live with being seen as lesser by others, but she couldn’t bear the thought that she might cause the man she loved so ardently shame. She believed him when he said that he didn’t care what people thought, but that could change once he actually had to face the hostile stares and sneers and snide comments. She didn’t want to put him through that.

She had already accepted long ago that she wasn’t fit to stand by him as a lover, but it was another thing to have it shoved in her face that she wasn’t even worthy to be his _friend._ That she was so beneath him and the world he lived in that the very _thought_ of her trying to step into that circle in any way was laughable. Because, as it had been drilled into her all her life, she was replaceable. Disposable. That’s why you don’t talk back or stand up for yourself when they scream at you for a mistake you didn’t make, why you don’t swat away their hands when they grab your ass. Because if you do, they’ll find someone who won’t. And you’ll be out of a job and a living and a lot of times out of a place to sleep too.

And how could they possibly understand each other when they came from such different worlds? Zuko had faced so much suffering and hardship in his life, but it was still all completely different than hers. Her father was loving, unlike his, but he had power. If nobles insulted and demeaned him, he could do something about it, except for perhaps his father or sister. Maybe not while he was banished, but when he was a prince in good standing, he could stand up for himself. He didn’t know what it was like to have to bite your tongue out of fear for your entire livelihood. At least, not to her knowledge he didn’t.

But she’d already given him her word that she would go. And it had made him so happy, the promise that she would be there with him. And that was all she really wanted—for him to be happy. So she couldn’t just tell him that she’d changed her mind. But she also didn’t know if she could handle being there. As she looked out at the moon over the open water, she prayed to Tui and La (or whoever the new moon spirit was) to help show her the answer, help her make the right decision.

“Wow, that just might be the saddest heartbeat I’ve ever felt.”

Y/N whipped around to find Toph standing just a little ways behind her. She clutched her chest, trying to calm her racing heart. “Spirits, Toph, you scared me. I didn’t hear you coming.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I can be light on my feet when I want to.” Without asking for permission, she sat down in the sand next to Y/N. “So what’s eating ya?”

“Oh, um, it’s nothing. Just watching the water.”

Toph scoffed. “Yeah, bullshit. I can sense lies, remember? Just tell me what’s wrong.”

Oh. Actually Y/N did _not_ know that. Damn it. There was no way she was going to be able to get out of this conversation without telling her the truth. Though, honestly, it might be nice to talk about it a little, get it off her chest. And Toph seemed dependable—she didn’t think she’d go tell anybody what she said. Y/N sighed. “Well, I mean, it’s kind of dumb.”

“Didn’t ask if it was important, just asked what it was. Though, if you’re this upset about it, I doubt it’s really that dumb.”

Well, she was certainly to the point, wasn’t she? It was kind of nice, though. Y/N sighed again, her gaze out on the water. “Well, I don’t know if you know this, but I’m one of Zuko’s main servants at the palace. We’ve grown pretty close over the last few month, so that’s why he’s been introducing me as his friend.”

Toph raised an eyebrow, her arms crossed. “And this is upsetting you… how?”

“It’s just that, well, this morning he asked me to go to the royal gala next month with him. As a friend!” She clarified frantically before she could get any ideas. “Which is great and all and I’m so glad he wants me there with him but…” Her eyes turned downcast as she looked out onto the dark water. “I’m just a servant. And I can’t help but worry what people will say about him if they see us together. The Fire Nation nobles are vicious. He assured me that no one recognize me, and that he won’t care even if they do, but I just…” She let out another sigh. “I can’t help but think that they will. That his reputation will get damaged and it’ll be all my fault. I… I don’t want to hurt him like that.” A small, bittersweet smile formed on her face. “But… he just looked _so happy_ when I said I would go. He… he really _wants_ me there. And I don’t want to disappoint him by telling him I changed my mind. I just… don’t know what to do.”

Then, Toph did something surprising, and honestly, a little insulting: she _laughed._ A big hearty belly laugh. Y/N’s face burned red. She didn’t just pour her heart out to be _laughed_ at! Toph wiped away a tear. “You’re all worried and mopey about _that?_ Seriously?” She sighed lightly as her laughing fit died down. “Yeah, Zuko doesn’t give a shit about any of that. Not even in the slightest. And you really think that out of all the stupid shit he’s done in his life, it’s gonna be hanging out with a servant that does his reputation in? Hey, I believe you about Fire Nation nobles being assholes, it’s a common trait among most nobles, I’ve found. But if people _really_ wanted to destroy his image, they’d just dig up some of the crap he did when he was banished—that’d do the trick real quick.” She chuckled. “Trust me, you don’t need to worry about any of that. He likes you, a lot. And he’s not gonna give two flying fucks about what a bunch of stuck-up nobles think about the two of you being friends.”

Her delivery may have been crass, but Y/N found that it was… effective. It was refreshing to have someone be so blunt with her—it made her really believe that what she was saying was true. That Zuko really didn’t care about what anyone else thought—that he wouldn’t suffer if she went with him. She smiled. “You know what, you’re right. Thanks Toph, I really needed to hear that.” She sighed wistfully and shook her head, looking back out onto the water. “I suppose I can let my anxieties run away with me sometimes.”

Toph was quiet for a long while. When she did speak, her voice was surprisingly soft. “You love him, don’t you?”

Her face flushed, and she would have denied it, but Toph wouldn’t been able to tell she was lying. She hung her head. “Yeah, I do.” And it was really freeing to finally admit that to someone out loud, to say it in words. She’d kept it inside for so long it felt like a massive weight had been lifted off of her heart. “And that makes you one of now the only four people in the world who knows, including myself. What gave me away this time?”

She smirked. “Your heartbeat goes crazy whenever he’s around. It’s kind of gross, actually.”

Y/N laughed. “Yeah? Well, I can’t really control that.”

“But hey.” Toph winked. “For the record, I think he might be kinda into you too.”

_“W-what?!?!?!!?!_ N-n-no, don’t be ridiculous, that’s not possible!”

She shrugged. “Hey, I’m just calling it like I see it. But I think I’m gonna head back up to the house now.” She stood up and stretched. “You can stay out here and keep moping or whatever if you want, but just don’t stay out too late. I don’t want to hear Zuko whine.” And with that, she walked off.

Y/N tried desperately to calm her racing heart. He didn’t _like her back!_ He couldn’t! It just wasn’t possible!

But then again, Toph had sounded pretty sure of herself. And she didn’t seem like the type to lie,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm copying the dress scene from Pretty Woman almost word for word, I'm sorry, I love that movie and this is wish fulfillment, don't kill me.


	9. A Memory I Can Use

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from "All I Ask" by Adele. This is probably my favorite chapter in the whole story, so I hope you like it! Please let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Also Zuko may be a _little_ OOC for a hot second in this chapter but I just had to do the second part of the dress scene, I'm sorry, I'm weak.
> 
> Word count:4,345

The rest of the week went by in a happy, relaxing blur, until it was finally their last day on the island. They’d be leaving first thing the next morning, so they really wanted to make this last day count. Y/N felt sad for Zuko and his friends—it seemed they very rarely got to meet up and see each other anymore, what with them living in all different corners of the world. But at least they were all going to come to the gala next month, and that was just all the more reason for them to spend some good quality time together today.

They spent the morning on the beach again, though this time Katara decided to use her waterbending to drench Zuko and Y/N on the shore (luckily, she wasn’t holding her sketchbook). Which obviously led to a very aggressive four-person water fight that turned into a six-person one when Toph’s and Sokka’s sandcastles became collateral damage. Katara and Aang kept _cheating,_ however, by using their waterbending to absolutely pummel everybody.

A little bit after lunch time, Zuko managed to pull Y/N aside for a second. “Hey, I forgot to ask. Did you find a dress for the gala okay? I’m really sorry I wasn’t able to come with you.” He rubbed the back of his neck as he gave her an apologetic look.

Shit. She couldn’t just _lie_ because she did need to get a dress eventually, but she was still very embarrassed about what had happened. “Oh, um… actually I was hoping I could go get it when we got back to the capital.”

He frowned, his brow furrowing. “Really? Why? Was something wrong with the shops here?”

“Oh no, no, no, everything was fine…! It’s just that, well…” She didn’t know if she could tell him. Just thinking about what had happened made her face burn with shame.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, prompting her to look up and meet his kind, concerned gaze. “Hey, you can tell me anything. What’s wrong? It looked like something was bothering you when you came back from shopping too.”

She sighed and looked away. No, she couldn’t lie to him again. “…………They were mean to me…” she said in a small voice.

“They were _what?”_

* * *

She found herself back in that hoity-toity shopping district, but now she was walking hand-in-hand with Zuko as he tugged her along. He hadn’t said two words to her after she told him about what happened at the dress store earlier in the week, instead opting to go into his room to change into his royal robes and put his Fire Lord hair piece in. Now, as they walked past even _more_ people were staring at her, probably wondering what some dingy-looking peasant girl was doing holding hands with the Fire Lord. It was impossible not to notice the pure, unfiltered fury radiating off of him, and she wasn’t going to lie, it kind of intimidated her a little bit ~~(It was also kinda hot).~~

She walked a little closer to him, almost hiding behind him under all the pairs of eyes boring into her. “P-people are looking at me.”

He didn’t look back at her, but he didn’t sound unkind when he said, “They’re not looking at you, they’re looking at me.”

“These stores aren’t nice to people, I-I don’t like it.”

He let out a breath of air through his nose. “These kinds of stores are never nice to people; they’re nice to gold.” They stopped in front of a different shop than the one she’d been in earlier in the week. He turned to face her. “Okay. Stop fidgeting, stand up straight.” He smiled at her. “It’s going to be fine.” They walked in, a small bell over the door ringing. Every single head turned to look at them, their mouths agape. Y/N did her very best to fight the urge to hide behind Zuko. He walked them up to the front counter. “I would like to speak to the manager of this store,” he said to the clerk.

Her eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “Y-yes, Your Majesty! Right away Mr. Fire Lord Sir!” She immediately scurried off somewhere behind the counter, returning not even five seconds later with a sharply dressed man.

The man bowed lowly, a bit of a dazed expression on his face. “H-hello, Your Majesty…! How may I help you?”

Zuko smiled ever-so slightly, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You see this young lady over here.” He raised a hand to gesture to Y/N.

“Y-yes, Your Majesty.”

He turned to her with a much fonder and more genuine smile, his eyes full of warmth. “Do you have _anything_ in this shop as beautiful as she is?” Y/N couldn’t help the soft blush and shy smile that grew on her face at both his compliment and his expression, which only grew worse as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Oh, yes.” A look of panic crossed the manager’s face as he frantically corrected himself. “Oh, no! No, no, no, I’m saying we have many things as beautiful as she… would _want_ them to be, that’s the point I was getting at, Your Majesty, and I think we can all agree with that, that’s why when you came in he—”

“Excuse me, you know what we’re going to need here?” Zuko extracted his arm from around Y/N’s waist to guide the manager a little ways away, but she could still hear their conversation. “We’re going to need a few more people helping us, and I’ll tell you why.” He spoke slowly and pointedly as he lowered his voice, the manager not looking him in the eye. “We’re going to be spending an _obscene_ amount of money in here. So we’re going to need a lot more help sucking up to us; you understand that.”

“Oooohh, Your Majesty, if I may say so you’re in the right store for that, and the right district for that matter.”

The next thing she knew, Y/N was seated in a nice leather chair with a catalogue in her hands and the manager leaning over her shoulder, schmoozing up to her. “Anything you see here we can do by the way. Get ready to have some fun, okay?”

She nodded with a small, breathless smile. “Okay.”

He snapped his fingers, calling out to some of the store attendants. “Aki, Akiko, Akihiro, Tamiko, let’s see it, come on. Bring it out girls.” And then she was surrounded in a flurry of colorful silk and dazzling hair pieces of all different colors and styles. She would occasionally look over to Zuko for his opinion, only for him to frown and shake his head or smile and nod. This went on for what felt like hours, and probably actually was.

When they finally left the store, she not only had a dress for the gala, but also one for every day of the week and then some. She could only imagine how much it had all cost, but Zuko would hear none of her polite refusals. It was odd and jarring, but she did have to admit it was nice to finally have some nice clothes, especially ones in a color other than red. She left the shop in a beautiful, flowing, green gown, and while she didn’t like the way he spent so much money on her, she couldn’t deny that it made her feel very pretty. Special. Important.

Honestly, she was shocked that he behaved the way he did. He was notorious for his distaste of using power and status against people—it was _completely_ out of character for him to lord his title over somebody like that. He didn’t even want people to _refer_ to him by his title half the time! It was obvious he was doing it to try and make a point, but still. And what point was he trying to make, exactly? That he wouldn’t allow for his friends to be mistreated? That he was trying to make it up to her for the way she’d been so blatantly disrespected and humiliated?

Even though the dramatic shift in behavior was jarring, she found it sweet. Sweet that he cared enough about her to make sure she had a wonderful experience (even if he did have to intimidate a manager to do it). She just felt bad she had nothing to give him in return. Once again, he had gone out of his way to give her something, and she still had yet to really do anything for him. But she didn’t have the kind of money to buy him fancy expensive presents. And besides, what do you give someone that already has access to whatever they could possibly want?

That’s when it hit her. Ever since they’d gotten to the island, she’d been practicing something very special in private. Perhaps she couldn’t give him anything, but she could _make_ him something.

So, once the sun began to set, she pulled him away from the rest of the group. She was practically vibrating with both nerves and excitement, though she tried her very hardest to not let it show. “Hey, uh, could you come outside with me for a second? There’s, um, something I want to show you.”

“Sure. But, um, are you sure you want to go out now? It’s getting dark.”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! You see, this is something that needs to be seen in the dark.”

“Okay…” He sounded a little apprehensive, but he didn’t resist her tugging him outside and down to the beach.

Once they reached a sufficiently sandy area, she released his hand and turned around to face him. She felt herself grow a little shy, and she tucked her hands behind her back. She really hoped that he liked it. “So, um, since you’ve been doing so much for me lately, I wanted to give something to you in return.” She blushed softly as she looked off to the side, unable to maintain eye contact. “I-I don’t have much money, so I can’t buy you anything, a-and even if I could I doubt there’d be much you’d want. A-and all I’m really good at is cooking, cleaning, and art, s-so I thought…” She swallowed down some of her nerves. “I thought that maybe… I-I could make you something…! I-it’s not something you can take with you, b-but I hope you like it…!”

He gave her a confused look. “I… don’t really know what you’re talking about, but I assure you, you really don’t have to repay me.”

“No, no, no!” She waved her hands frantically to dissuade his concerns. “I _really_ want to…! S-so just, uh… watch, okay?” She didn’t wait for his reaction, instead turning around to hide her now pink face and focus on what she was going to do. “I-I’ve been practicing, but I’m still not all that experienced with it, so I apologize if it doesn’t turn out that well.” She took a deep breath, feeling the tell-tale warmth of firebending coil in her stomach and spread out into her limbs, down to the very tips of her fingers, where she willed it to collect and rise in temperature. A small, white flame sprung to life from her fingertips. Keeping it tiny would allow her to maintain the intense heat for longer, which would be necessary for what she wanted to do. She jumped into it, taking a few steps forward. She leaned down as gracefully as she could and brushed her flaming fingertips against the sand.

The sand underneath the touch of her white flame immediately crystalized into smooth glass, just as she had hoped. She moved quickly, twirling and skipping as lightly on her feet as she could, mostly keeping her hand to the ground, but she couldn’t help the excited little bursts of flame that sprung into the air as she started to get into it. It felt like she was dancing, spinning and prancing along the sand with her flames swirling all around her, lighting up the darkness and reflecting off of the glass she created, making it sparkle and shine as though it were alive. She couldn’t help the elated grin on her face as she twisted and turned to create a pattern. It was almost as if she had forgotten this was a gift, that someone was watching her—she was so focused and overjoyed by the very act of creating something, especially something using her firebending which Zuko taught her. She may not be much of a fighter, but now she could use it for creation, which gave her a whole new love for it.

When she was finally done, she spun around to face him, her arms spread out in a wide ‘v.’ “Tada!”

He had a strange, awed look on his face as he tentatively approached her, looking down at the ground to see what she’d made. He gasped as he reached the center of the pattern, finding that she’d formed the glass on the surface of the sand to take the shape of the outline of a large firelily with tiny, dark flames trapped underneath to illuminate it. The light may have been dim, but the small flames coupled with the moonlight made the whole thing sparkle in a soft, almost ethereal way. He ripped his gaze off of the ground to look at her with a wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression. “This…” He swallowed. “This is…”

Y/N felt herself begin to sweat from his silence, and she prayed to every spirit she could think of that it was too dark for him to see the bright red blush blooming on her face. “I-it probably looks better from above, like on top of a hill or something. A-and it’s also probably a lot better when it’s daylight out I just didn’t want to risk it being too reflective and blinding and I thought it might be cool for you to see all the fire at night since, like, you know, contrast and all, but now I’m thinking it probably wasn’t all that great of an idea considering it’s dark and everything and you probably can’t see it that well and I mean I literally _just_ realized that I could make glass if I got my fire hot enough and though I’ve been practicing the whole week we’ve been here it’s still only a week’s worth of practice so I’m really sorry if this sucks oh spirits this was a terrible idea I have no clue why I thought this would be a good present I am so so—”

She was cut off when he pulled her into a tight hug. She jumped a little, completely unused to him initiating physical contact like that. It didn’t last for long, though. He held her long enough to whisper in her ear, “It’s beautiful,” sending a pleasant shiver down her spine, before pulling away to look her in the eyes. His hands still rested on her shoulders, and a wide grin split open his face. “Thank you. It’s a great present.”

She swallowed down the lump that had formed in her throat from their close proximity, his chest practically still touching hers. She sounded a little breathless as she said, “You… you’re welcome. I… I’m glad you like it.”

He nodded, the smile never leaving his face. “I do. It’s gorgeous. I… I never thought of using firebending like that before. T-to make art, I mean.” He got a far-off look in his eyes, like he was remembering something that happened a long time ago. “It took me a _very_ long time, and a pretty life-changing experience to start thinking of fire as anything other than destruction or hatred. I had to have someone teach me that it was more than that—that it could be life, energy.” He smiled down at her again. “And watching you make this tonight, I feel like I was being reminded of that all over again. It was beautiful, you…” He paused, his eyes locking with hers, his voice quiet. “You were beautiful.”

Her breath caught in her throat, her face heating up. He was standing so close and he spoke so softly and quickly, like he was afraid that if he lingered on the words too long or rose his voice, he wouldn’t be able to get out what he wanted to say. He made no move to step away, or to increase the space between them in any way. Her heart pounded so fast and hard that she worried that he could hear it. “Th-thank you…” she breathed, unable to look away. Before she could stop herself, she confessed, “I-I think you’re very beautiful too.”

His eyes widened for a split second and she thought she heard his breath catch before he scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I appreciate the sentiment, but you don’t need to lie to make me feel better.”

“What? Why would you think I’m lying?”

His eyes darted off to the side. “Well, it’s just that, I mean—” He sighed, bringing his gaze back to hers with a wry smile. “I know I’m not the nicest to look at. I mean, with the scar and all…”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Perhaps a bit vulgar, but she just couldn’t hide her disbelief. She was utterly aghast. Did… did he really not realize how _gorgeous_ he was??? How grossly, agonizingly, _heart-throbbingly attractive_ he was??? So much so that sometimes she thought just looking at him caused her _physical pain?????_ She almost wanted to laugh, if it weren’t for the fact that she also kind of wanted to cry. What a joke was _that?_ That she found him so stunning, yet he couldn’t see it just because of some lousy scar?

Though, she realized it was probably incredibly difficult for him to see his scar the way she viewed it: as a badge of honor, a testament to his strength and goodness. Instead, he probably saw it as a painful reminder of his father’s cruelty and abuse. An embodiment of all the suffering he had endured under the hand of a father who never loved him. Leaving him marred, mutilated, with a hand-shaped brand permanently etched onto his face. Her heart broke for him.

“W-what?”

The genuine shock on his face broke her heart even more. She didn’t back down from her original statement, instead repeating it as her gaze hardened. “I _said,_ what the _hell_ are you talking about? Zuko, you are…” She let out a tiny, breathless laugh of disbelief. “You are single handedly the most _beautiful_ man I have ever laid my eyes on, and I am not just saying that because you’re my friend or my boss or my Lord or whatever. I mean it. It’s true.” Her eyes softened into the sincerest gaze she could possibly muster, her voice lowering and easing into something gentle and genuine. “You are so beautiful.”

He looked stunned, his eyes searching hers for any drop of insincerity. Finding none, he dropped his gaze to the ground and brought up one of his hands to self-consciously touch his scar. “But… I’m burned, I-I—I’m disfigured, it’s on my face.”

Maybe she wasn’t acting rationally, but she knew no other way to make him believe the truth in her words. She reached out and gently removed his hand from his face, instead replacing it with hers. She cupped his cheek, lightly running her thumb against the smooth scar tissue. He jolted a little and the sudden contact. But he slowly relaxed, leaning into her touch so minutely that she was certain it wasn’t a conscious decision. “I know that it’s probably a hard part of you for you to love. But do you wanna know what I see when I see this scar?”

Somehow, despite the way he towered over her in height and easily outmatched her in muscle, he seemed small. “…What?”

She smiled at him, and she poured every ounce of the fondness and admiration she had ever felt for him into it, as dangerous of a decision as that was. “I see…” Her voice was barely above a whisper, as though she were telling him a precious secret, which, in a way, she was. “A man who is good inside and out, a man who is noble and honorable. A man who is far more honorable than his father ever was or could ever hope to be. I see a man who stood up for innocent soldiers and spoke against using them as cannon fodder. Who was punished for his kind, selfless act, but who still managed to find that goodness inside himself again. I see a man who has learned from his mistakes and used them to help him grow stronger. And _spirits,_ I see a man who is strong. Strong in his kindness and his perseverance. Who was dealt a cruel hand in life but still managed to thrive despite it.” She traced his scar once again, and she heard his breath hitch. She swallowed. She really shouldn’t be saying all this. This was a very dangerous game she was playing, being this open and vulnerable about what she really thought of him— _touching_ him like this. But _spirits_ did she want to. She’d wanted to hold his face like this and pour her heart out to him damn near every day since he returned after ending the war. And he deserved to know that somebody cared for him—that he was worthy and deserving of love. And if that took her walking the tightrope and just barely stopping herself from saying those words she could never take back, then so be it. But there was no need to censor her next words. “I see a man who I am honored, and so very proud to call my Lord.”

He stared at her with wide, disbelieving eyes, his lips slightly parted. His tongue darted out to wet his lips, his eyelids drooping. “You,” he croaked, his voice dry, “you know about what happened? With… with the war room and the Agni Kai?”

She smiled at him sadly and shook her head, a deep regret in her eyes. “Everybody knew. Servants are horrible gossips. It was all anybody would talk about for weeks. I wasn’t actually there, but I heard about what happened.” He let out a long breath through his nose, and he almost seemed to nuzzle his face into her hand.

She was filled with an overwhelming need to tell him everything. To make him understand. To lift some of her own guilt off of her heart. So she continued, just as soft, just as gentle. “When I heard about what happened at your Agni Kai, I wanted so badly to go to you. To comfort you. But you barely knew me back then, and you probably wouldn’t have wanted a stranger’s compassion. And my mother was afraid for me, so she forbade me from seeing you until things settled down. And by the time I was allowed to go back to your chambers, you were gone. I… I truly thought I would never see you ever again, and it destroyed me to know that you were suffering and there was nothing I could do to help. And even though I knew you would have pushed me away, and I have no idea what kinds of punishments I could have faced for reaching out to you, I still regret not being there for you. Not even trying to be. And if I could change anything about my life, it would be that. I would have gone to you and held you and comforted you if you’d have let me. Because…” She met his eyes, seeing the slight glimmer of tears forming in them. “Because even then, I—”

“Y/N, I—”

They spoke at the same time, effectively cutting off what both of them were going to say. What… what _was_ she going to say? Certainly nothing good, with the way her heart was racing. She thanked the spirits she’d been able to dodge that bullet. “Y-you first,” she said, having absolutely no intention of ever finishing her sentence.

But he didn’t say anything. Instead, he slid his hands down to her waist and tugged her closer ever-so slightly. Her eyes widened as his became lidded, her breathing quickening as his warm breath gently fanned across her face. He smelled like jasmine and woodsmoke, and she found herself lightheaded and damn near intoxicated as it washed over her, making her crave more. Her hand on his cheek had stilled, allowing for his face to lean down closer to hers, his eyes sliding shut. Her own followed suit as she felt herself get lost in the scent of him and the feeling of him pressed gently against her. Their nosed brushed ever-so slightly as he tilted his head to the side, and then—

“Hey! What are you guys still doing out there? Katara made some watermelon juice to celebrate our last day of vacation! You’re gonna want to get back inside before Sokka and I drink it all!”

They sprung apart as if they’d been electrocuted, startled by Aang’s voice from up at the beach house. Both of their faces burned a violent, angry shade of red. Y/N swore there was steam coming off of her face. Zuko cleared his throat rather loudly and called back up to him, “We’ll be there in a second!” Aang grinned and disappeared back inside of the house, leaving them alone once again, only now this time with the lovely addition of their good old friend: bone-crushingly awkward silence.

“We should—”

“Yeah.”

And with that breathtakingly eloquent display of communication, they walked back up to the beach house to join the others, refusing to look at each other and also refusing to think about what had just happened (or, more accurately, what had just _not_ happened).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I _KNOW_ I'm _SORRY_ it was **_SO CLOSE_** but it's not the _TIME!_ Not _yet_! It physically hurt me to do 'em dirty like that, but I PROMISE it'll make it SO MUCH SWEETER when it finally DOES happen!! Please don't kill me.


	10. Keep on Turning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title's from "On My Own" from Les Misérables. So, you know how this fic is tagged with angst? Yeah... that's because of this chapter. I apologize in advance. There's still fluff! But this is where the drama starts to come in. Enjoy! Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Word count: 5,599

A month later and Y/N was still refusing to think about what almost happened at the beach. Because if she didn’t think about it, then it didn’t exist and it didn’t mean anything and she could carry on with her life like normal. And she could use some semblance of normal in her life right about then, because it was the night of the gala, and she hadn’t even left her room yet and she was already freaking out.

She stood in front of her mirror in her red Fire Nation gala dress editing her makeup and adjusting her pinned back hair over and over again. She knew that there really wasn’t much else she could do with her appearance at this point, but it gave her something to do and it stalled for time so she wouldn’t have to be overwhelmed with anxiety, as she surely would be if she started thinking about things too much. What in the holy hell had she been thinking agreeing to something like this??? Well, to be fair, she hadn’t really been thinking much at all, too busy getting lost in Zuko’s beautiful, genuine eyes, but that was beside the point! She couldn’t do this! She couldn’t go twirl around with all those nobles and try to blend in with them! She didn’t even know how to dance!

She took a deep breath. She needed to calm down. It would all be fine—she would be right next to Zuko the whole time and it would all be fine. She was going to have a good time with him (and maybe if she was lucky, he’d ask her to dance at least once, and he wouldn’t mind that she was bad at it because he’d teach her). It was all going to be okay. Everything was going to be alright. And if all else failed, Katara, Aang, Sokka, and Toph were also going to be there, so she could just hover awkwardly around them. Maybe Iroh would be there too, so that would be a comfort, though he’d probably be busy dancing and charming the pants off of some older noble ladies.

The gala had started at least fifteen to twenty minutes ago, so she really needed to get going. She didn’t want to keep Zuko waiting. She took one more calming breath and made one last adjustment to her hair pins before leaving her room and making her way to the large hall where the gala was being held. Stepping inside she immediately felt overwhelmed. There was music and lights and dancing and people dressed in all different colors with all different sorts of gemstones glittering at their wrists and necks and heads. She brought a hand up to touch her butterfly pendant defensively, like a comfort mechanism. She had to remind herself that she was dressed just as elegantly as everybody else. And as long as she kept her back straight and her head held high there’d be no reason for anyone to suspect for any reason that she didn’t belong there.

Her eyes scanned the crowd, searching for Zuko, however, she couldn’t seem to find him. She began to panic. _‘Oh no oh no oh on oh no where is he he said he’d stay with me tonight so I wouldn’t get lost or overwhelmed this was a bad idea this was a bad idea I knew it I knew it—’_

Her internal panic was cut off by a small tap on her shoulder. She spun around to see a young man in green standing before her, Earth Kingdom. He smiled at her. “Hello. I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful you look, and I was wondering if perhaps you would care for a dance?”

She flushed darkly. When she said she was afraid of standing out, she never thought she might stand out in _that_ way. He seemed nice and all, but she really didn’t want to make a fool of herself by attempting to dance with him, and she really should keep looking for Zuko. “O-oh! I, um, I’m terribly sorry, but I’m not much of a dancer. I’m afraid all you’d gain out of dancing with me is a few broken toes.” She chuckled nervously.

He laughed. “Oh, nonsense. A lady as lovely as you? I’m sure you’re not as awful as you believe yourself to be, and besides—” He winked. “I think I’m willing to take the risk.”

She couldn’t help but smile at that. Maybe she could spend a few minutes dancing with him, for just one song. “O-okay then. But I warned you.”

He laughed again and took her hand, bowing and bringing it up to his lips to place a kiss on the back of it. She blushed even darker, a breathless giggle on her lips. She _certainly_ wasn’t used to this kind of attention. “Thank you, my lady,” he said. “You won’t regret this.” Then he pulled her off to the dance floor, guiding her to place one hand on his shoulder as his floated down to her waist, keeping her other hand clasped in his. The song that was playing wasn’t too terribly fast, but it wasn’t slow either. He guided her through a simple waltz, and, true to her word, she did step on his feet a few times. But he only winced a little bit, and it wasn’t nearly as many times as she thought it would be, so she considered that a win.

Once she started to get the hang of it, he asked, “So, what’s your name, if I may ask?”

He was very polite; she’d give him that. “I’m Y/N.”

He smiled. “A beautiful name for a beautiful woman. My name is Cheng. I’m here with my parents, they’re ambassadors for the Earth Kingdom. You’re Fire Nation, I take it?”

She couldn’t help the little giggle that bubbled in her throat. “Oh, wow, I wonder what gave it away.” He laughed as well, and she smiled. “But yes, I am.” She hoped he didn’t press the issue of family and ask why she was there. She didn’t think she could come up with a convincing lie right on the spot like that.

Luckily, he didn’t. Instead, he just continued waltzing with her around the room, her getting better the longer the song went on. He decided to spice it up a little bit and sent his arm out, pulling her into a spin. She yelped, but she didn’t fall or trip at all. He tugged her back into him, pressing her back up against his chest. She laughed. He grinned down at her. “See? Not so bad, is it?”

She couldn’t help the giddy grin on her face. “No, no it isn’t.”

They continued dancing until the end of the song, and she had to say she was a little disappointed when they stopped. He was really good at it, and she had a lot of fun. He seemed to agree with her, because he asked, “If it wouldn’t be too much trouble, would you care for another dance?”

But before she could respond, someone cleared their throat loudly from behind her. She spun around and came face to face with Zuko, though the smile on his face looked more than a little forced. “Zuko! I was looking for you! Cheng here was just teaching me how to dance!” She grinned brightly up at him.

His gaze softened as he looked down at her. “Yes, I see. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” He looked back up at Cheng, his eyes hardening again slightly as he placed a hand on Y/N’s shoulder. “You don’t mind if I steal her away for a moment, do you?”

Cheng paled. “O-oh no, not at all Your Majesty, Mr. Fire Lord Sir! G-go ahead!”

And with that Zuko ushered her away from Cheng and off to a different area of the ball room. “Wow, he sure looked spooked. I wonder what got into him? Are you really that intimidating?”

Zuko shrugged, his eyes still focused in front of him. “Maybe. Though I think the more likely possibility is that when he saw me come up behind you he thought we were a couple, and he was scared because he thought he’d just been dancing with the Fire Lord’s girlfriend.” His tone was short and clipped, like he was irked about something.

Her face heated up to a practically supernova-like temperature. _“W-what?!?!_ He thought that you—that _I—”_

“Well, you are a young woman, and he’s from the Earth Kingdom—I doubt he’d have any knowledge about the love-lives of foreign royalty. It’s not an unreasonable assumption to make.”

She was shocked by how unfazed he sounded. Usually, she’d expect him to be just as flustered as she was at something like that. But he _did_ appear to be quite angry for some reason, so perhaps that was clouding his view and altering his reaction.

She placed a gentle hand on his arm, causing him to turn around and face her. “Is everything okay? You seem upset.”

He looked conflicted for a moment, but he sighed. “No, no, I’m fine. I’m just, uh, not fond of parties. Especially not political ones.”

She gave him an understanding smile. “Yeah, I get that. I’m not big on social events either.”

He returned her smile, a fond look in his eyes. “Well then, we can just be antisocial together.”

She giggled. “I think I’d like that.”

They met up with the rest of the Gaang off to the side of the dancefloor, though Aang quickly dragged Katara off to dance with him. Y/N got to meet Suki, who had managed to get some time off to come be Sokka’s date. Though she had never met the Kyoshi warrior before then, she’d heard a _lot_ about her from Sokka (seriously, when he wasn’t making jokes or talking about food he was gushing about how wonderful his girlfriend was), so they hit it off quickly. Y/N found that she was actually enjoying herself quite a bit—it was nice to see everybody and chat and drink a little. Though people kept coming up to them to talk to Zuko or Aang, which was getting kind of annoying, it was still an overall very pleasant experience. Though there _was_ one thing that could make it better.

Eventually, the band began to play a very slow, tender song. Aang and Katara and Sokka and Suki had already left to go dance together, and Toph was off raiding the buffet, leaving Y/N and Zuko completely alone in their little corner. He cleared his throat and turned to her, a soft pink dusting across his cheeks. He bowed his head down slightly and extended his hand out to her. “M-may I have this dance? I can’t promise that I’m all that good at it, but it, uh, seems appropriate.” He flashed her a sheepish grin.

Her heart melted at the sight, and a soft smile grew on her own lips as well, along with a tiny blush. “It would be my pleasure. I’m not that great either.” She took his hand, intertwining their fingers together.

He straightened, an almost giddy warmth to his eyes. “Thank you! At least I won’t look too much like a fool, huh?” He led her out onto the dancefloor and guided her hand to his shoulder, his on her waist. Though she had a lot of fun before, she had to admit this felt a _lot_ nicer than when she danced with Cheng. Though, perhaps that was an unfair comparison—it wasn’t like standing next to Cheng gave her butterflies in her stomach or looking at Cheng in the eye made her breath catch in her throat. She wasn’t madly, painfully in love with Chen. But she _was_ madly, painfully in love with Fire Lord Zuko, the man she now held in her arms, stepping and swaying clumsily to the music.

She let out a giggle at his enthusiasm. “Nah, I wouldn’t be too sure of that. You’re royalty, how can you not know how to dance? I’m a commoner, I have an excuse—what’s yours?”

He flushed beautifully, his eyes darting off to the side. “Well, I mean, dancing _was_ illegal for most of my life. I, uh, never really got around to learning.”

“Okay, okay, fair enough.” She smiled as he tentatively twirled her around. His movements were nowhere near as sure as Cheng’s, but she loved it anyways.

He pulled her back in, and she could’ve sworn they were standing closer than before. Not that she minded. He smiled back at her, and again there was that odd, unnamable look in his eyes. He decided to continue their murmured conversation, keeping his voice low so that she was the only other person that could hear him even though they were in the middle of a throng of dancing people. “I never got the chance to tell you, but you look beautiful tonight.”

She giggled, a soft blush growing on her face at his compliment. “Thank you. You _did_ buy pretty much my entire outfit, so I’d hope you like it.” He tried to stutter out a response, but she cut him off with another warm, golden laugh. “I’m just teasing. And for the record…” She took her one hand out of his to meet the other as she slid it behind his neck, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and bringing them closer still. She lowered her voice to barely a whisper, leaning in ever-so slightly so he could hear. “I think you look very handsome tonight as well.” She had no idea where this newfound surge of confidence came from, but it wasn’t dying down so she decided to just ride the wave.

She could hear (and feel) his breath hitch. But he didn’t make any move to guide her back into a proper dancing position. Instead, he wrapped both his arms around her waist, tugging her into his chest tightly. Her heart was beating a mile a minute as he buried his face in her hair on top of her head, breathing in deeply.

Since they had both obviously decided to forgo proper ballroom dancing, they instead just swayed in a little circle, holding each other. Y/N swore she had never felt so safe in her life—his strong arms wrapped protectively around her, his broad shoulders encasing her, his face in her hair, the smell of him, that calming combination of jasmine and woodsmoke, permeating the air around her. It felt like she was surrounded by him, and it was the most peaceful she had ever felt. She closed her eyes as she nuzzled her face deeper into his warm chest, feeling like she could fall asleep.

She didn’t fall asleep, but they did continue dancing for _far_ more than just one song, only stopping when somebody came up from behind Y/N and cleared their throat, interrupting them. “Um, I am terribly sorry, Your Majesty, for interrupting, but I was wondering if I could discuss some things with you?”

Zuko took his head out of her hair and looked up at the man. “Yes, what about?” Even Y/N couldn’t ignore the irritated tone of his voice, him obviously not happy about being interrupted while they were having a moment (spirits, were they having a moment? It certainly _felt_ like they were having a moment).

“O-oh, it’s just, well, Your Majesty, the other Earth Kingdom ambassadors and I were wishing to confer with you for a moment about a certain political issue and—”

Zuko sighed, reluctantly releasing Y/N from his hold. She immediately missed the warmth, but she tried not to show it. “This is something you wish to discuss with me in private, I take it?”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

He turned to Y/N, an apologetic look in his eyes. “I’m sorry, but it looks like I need to duck away for a bit. I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can; Toph can keep you company.”

She smiled and waved away his concerns. “No, no, it’s fine. Go and do your Fire Lord thing, don’t let me stop you.” She winked and curtsied playfully. “It was a pleasure dancing with you, My Lord.”

He smirked. He bowed lowly, scooping her hand up in his and placing a long, tender kiss on her knuckles, sending an electric shock all through her. He looked up at her, something shining in his eyes. “Believe me, the pleasure was all mine.” He let go of her hand and stood up, leaving with the ambassador before she could process what just happened.

She had to put a hand over her mouth to hide her wide, giddy grin stretching across her red face. She fought the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl, and she practically floated to the buffet table next to Toph, the butterflies in her stomach not dying down after he had left. She sighed airily as she leaned up against the table, placing a hand on her chest to still her pounding heart.

Toph made a retching noise. “Eww, you really are in love. Can’t you go do that somewhere else? It’s disgusting.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and gave her a little shove. “Oh, shut up. I’m happy, leave me be.”

She grinned. “Yeah, I can tell. Looks like _somebody—”_ She nudged Y/N playfully with her elbow. “Was getting pretty _cozy_ with our good friend the Fire Lord. You could even say you were having a bit of a _moment.”_

“Yeah? And it looks like somebody else was having a bit of a moment with our good friend the buffet table.” She eyed the heaping plates of food Toph was holding. “It’s not like that and you know it.”

“Yeah, because I _definitely_ don’t know _anything_ about what people are feeling at all. I mean, it’s not like I can _feel heartbeats_ or anything, how crazy would that be!”

Y/N rolled her eyes again. “Quiet, you. We’re just friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be.”

Toph raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know if you know a whole lot about friends, Princess, but they don’t dance like that. Hell, most friends don’t slow dance at all! And they _definitely_ don’t kiss each other’s hands afterwards.” She smirked. “I’m telling you, he’s into ya.”

Y/N scoffed, trying hard to not let her heart leap too much as the thought. It wasn’t possible. She just had to keep drilling that into her mind because _damn_ was he giving her hope. And that was a dangerous, painful thing to have in your heart. “Yeah, right. I’m sorry, but I’m not quite delusional enough to believe _that_ yet. I’m going to go get some air—it’s getting a little stuffy in here.”

She walked off to find the nearest balcony, stepping out into the cool night air and closing the doors behind her. She sighed happily and leaned her elbows against the railing, gazing up at the full moon and the twinkling starts, painting the night sky in a sea of tiny, white lights. The sight before her was beautiful, but nothing could compare to the warm, fuzzy feeling blossoming in her chest. Tonight had been absolutely perfect so far—she couldn’t believe that she was so nervous about coming. She was so glad she’d taken Toph’s advice and decided to attend despite her fears and insecurities. She was having a lovely time being with Zuko and the others, and hopefully after he got done talking with those ambassadors, they could do some more dancing.

Oh, to dance the night away in Zuko’s arms. It was more than she could have ever dreamed of. Five-year-old her would be jumping and squealing with joy. Hell, _twenty-five-year-old_ her wanted to jump and squeal with joy. If someone told her six months ago that eventually she’d be cradled in the Fire Lord’s arms as he swayed and tried to dance with her, she would have first laughed in their face, and if they somehow had proof she would’ve fainted.

Spirits, she loved him. How could she have ever convinced herself that she didn’t? That it was just admiration or a silly crush? It may have been a very perilous thing to admit to herself, but even if she’d stayed in denial it wouldn’t have changed the truth of it. He was so precious to her, and this beautiful friendship he had given her was more than she could have ever hoped for. Closer to him than she could have ever wished to be. And while she knew in her heart that she would always long for something more, she could be satisfied with what she had. She could accept friendship; she could be happy with it. She was now his confidant, his companion, a part of his support. And he was that for her too. He _wanted_ her to be that for him, wanted to be that for her. It made her more overjoyed than she had ever thought possible.

After a while longer of staring at the moon and breathing in the refreshing night air, she decided to rejoin the party. She scanned the room to see if Zuko had returned from his talk with the ambassadors, but as she made her way back to Toph, something else caught her eye, or ear, first. Close by, there was a group of older ladies clustered together, whispering and gossiping among themselves, though still loud enough for Y/N to pick up pieces of their conversation as she passed by. Now, usually she would never concern herself with eavesdropping on some petty gossip, but something she overheard gave her pause.

“Do you see that woman the Fire Lord is dancing with?”

“Oh, you mean that old governor’s daughter? The one that used to reside over Omashu?”

“Yes, her. Don’t you think she’d make a wonderful Fire Lady? Proper, poised, elegant. And she’s from a very old noble family! It’s perfect, don’t you think?”

“Oh yes! In fact, isn’t it about time the Fire Lord get married? He’s already in his mid-twenties! I don’t know if I’m aware of any Fire Lord that wasn’t _already_ married by then!”

“Well, do give him the benefit of the doubt, he had a lot on his plate after his coronation, but things have settled down, and I agree it’s high-time he give us a Fire Lady, and an heir, at that.”

“Oh! And I do believe I once heard that he and the governor’s daughter courted as teenagers!”

“Ha! Well then, we may have some hope yet!”

What? Governor’s daughter? It wasn’t unusual for people to try and push Zuko towards marriage, and they only got more insistent as he got older. But what were they talking about? He was off talking with the Earth Kingdom ambassadors—he promised he’d come back to her when he was done. She tried to not let their words sting too much, but she couldn’t repress the shock of insecurity that pierced her heart. But really, _who_ were they talking about? Zuko didn’t really have any dating experie—

Lady Mai.

It could only be Lady Mai, and as Y/N’s eyes finally found the broad shoulders of her favorite Fire Lord, who was holding a slender, black-haired woman in his arms, she could have no doubts.

She tried not to imagine what it would be like when her heart inevitably broke, but she certainly never expected to practically be able to _hear_ as it cracked and shattered. She could do nothing but stand and stare at them, watching as he spun her about the room. He was dancing with her properly, her hand of his shoulder, his on her waist, their free hands clasped together. Lady Mai was far more graceful on her feet than Y/N had been, flowing through the moves of the dance flawlessly. It was impossible to miss the wide grin split across his face, or the crinkle of happiness in his eyes as he danced with her, holding her close.

Y/N could feel the bitter sting of tears welling up in her eyes. She blinked rapidly, willing them to stay hidden as she forced back the lump of emotion that had formed in her throat. She didn’t want to jump to conclusions. She had been out on the balcony for a while—perhaps he didn’t know she was back, and he was just granting Lady Mai a dance as a welcome for an old friend he hadn’t seen in a while. Yeah, that made sense. And that explanation didn’t make Y/N’s heart feel like it was being ripped to shreds by a badgermole.

So she waited. And waited. And waited. And eight songs in Zuko didn’t seem to have any intention of excusing himself. Despite her desperate attempt to find some reasoning for this that didn’t make her want to die, her rational mind just couldn’t. Those tears returned full-force, hot, bitter, and salty. She clapped a hand over her mouth to muffle the choked sob she couldn’t hold back and practically ran back to the balcony before anyone could see the tears running down her face.

She burst through the doors to the balcony and immediately broke down in sobs, squeezing her eyes shut and burying her face in her hands. She was being an idiot, she knew that. She _knew_ something like this would happen eventually, she _knew_ he’d have to take a wife. And she always thought that as long as she knew, as long as she was prepared, as long as she accepted it, then it wouldn’t completely destroy her when it happened. But nothing could have prepared her for this, this _soul-crushing_ pain in her heart that compressed her chest and wouldn’t let her breathe as all those roots were forcibly snapped and ripped out with the impartial brutality that only the inevitable could bring.

What had she been _thinking?!?!_ What did she expect??? That just because he treated her nicely and bought her pretty things and let her dance with him for a little bit then _magically_ everything would be a perfect little dream and they’d run off into the sunset together and live happily ever after?!?!?! Did she _really think_ that she could avoid this??? That one day, it would be _her_ he held in his arms every night and woke up to every morning and _her_ that he had a family with and _her_ that he married???? _Her._ A dirty, low-born, desperate _servant girl,_ a maid, a chef’s hand, _the help._ Was she really that much of a _moron_ to think that one day, he could _ever_ love her back?

Those women were right: Lady Mai was _perfect._ Beautiful, slender, graceful, poised, collected, _noble._ She was everything a Fire Lady should be, and everything Y/N wasn’t. Y/N truly was an idiot if she _ever_ had _any_ hope that he would choose her. Not over the immaculate option he had right in front of him. And hell, they even had _history_ together! So it wasn’t like he would be trapped in a loveless marriage of political necessity. He had looked _happy_ dancing with her. And really, wasn’t that all Y/N had ever said she wanted? For him to be happy? That she could handle the pain so long as he was happy?

She wasn’t so sure of that anymore.

It felt like she had been out there crying for hours when she felt a gentle touch on her shoulder. She whipped around to find the soft, concerned eyes of Katara. “Y/N what happened? Why are you crying?”

She all but collapsed into the poor woman’s arms, sobbing as she wrapped her up in a warm, comforting embrace. She didn’t have the energy to lie, and it would be impossible to convince Katara that she was fine when she _so obviously_ wasn’t. So she broke down and told her everything—her almost twenty-year long pining for Zuko, the weird almost kiss at the beach, everything she’d heard and seen tonight, all of it. It was freeing to finally come clean to somebody, but the feeling was overshadowed by the horrible ache of her heart breaking.

Katara said nothing until she finished, just listening and stroking her back. When she was done talking and her hiccups and sobs had died down a bit, Katara finally spoke. “I am _so sorry,_ Y/N. I swear that man is the biggest moron on the planet. But you shouldn’t give up all hope—you have no idea what’s going on with him and Mai or what his actual feelings are. They officially called it off _years_ ago, and even when they were together, they were very on and off. I can’t see them ever getting back together like that.”

“Then how do you explain what I just saw?!” Y/N cried desperately.

“I… don’t know.” Katara confessed. “But they _are_ still friends. It wouldn’t be too far off to assume that he was just happy to see her again.”

“But they were dancing for _eight songs,_ Katara! You don’t dance with your friend for _eight songs!”_

She gave her a gentle smile, bringing her hand up to wipe away some of her tears. “You never know, Y/N. And you never will know unless you talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel. It’s tearing you apart.”

She shook her head vehemently. “No. No, no way. I can’t. I am _not_ putting myself through that.”

“Why not?!” Katara yelled, throwing her hands up, exasperated. “He obviously cares about you! Even if he doesn’t feel the same way it’s not like he’s going to cut you out of his life!”

“BECAUSE I AM **_A MAID,_** KATARA!!!!” She hadn’t meant to shout, but she just couldn’t contain the raw, wounded emotions rising up in her. A fresh wave of tears rolled down her cheeks, and she turned her face away and squeezed her eyes shut. “A maid, the help. Because I am a maid, and he is the Fire Lord, and he is _my boss._ I _work_ for him. I can’t tell him how madly in love with him I am because even if he feels the same it _doesn’t matter._ It’s not just about that. My family comes from a long line of palace servants; we were hired to do a job, and the royal family has trusted us to do it for generations. Admitting that I have fallen in love with the Fire Lord would mean admitting that I have betrayed that trust, and therefore betrayed both _my_ family and the _royal_ family. It _doesn’t fucking matter_ if he loves me back or not, no matter how terrible of a thing that is to say.” Her voice sounded broken, hollow, even to her own ears as she trembled with emotion, her head hung low. “Loving him is political, no matter how badly I wish it wasn’t. Because the woman he marries will be the Fire Lady and she will be in charge of helping him rule the Fire Nation. What kind of person do you think can help him do that, huh? _A maid???_ No. There are a lot of things a Fire Lady must be, and I am _none of them._ I am not _poised,_ or _graceful,_ or _calm,_ or _collected,_ and I am most certainly not **_a noble._** And that is something I can never change.” She let out a short, bitter bark of a laugh. “I don’t know what kinds of fairy tales you’ve been reading, but the prince doesn’t end up with the _maid._ Hell, Katara, you say I need to tell him how I feel? Do you know, that once he’s married, my feelings could actually be considered _fucking treason?!?!?!”_

Katara looked speechless. “I… I am _so sorry,_ I never kne—”

“And I was perfectly fine just keeping it all to myself and taking it to my grave! But, no, I had to get caught in a very vulnerable moment by my friend, and everything has gone downhill from there! Because now he _talks to me,_ he _takes me on vacations,_ he calls me his _friend—”_ Her voice cracked, the anger seeping away to leave only a raw bundle of deep, _deep_ hurt. “And, spirits, every time I see him I have to fight the urge to just tell him right there. Because I _want to._ I want to tell him _so fucking bad,_ but I just… I just _can’t…!”_ And then her voice gave out in a little whimper and she covered her mouth as silent sobs wracked her body.

Katara came and gently wrapped her arms around her again. Her voice was quiet, and a little stunned as she said, “I… I had no idea. I’m sorry. But Y/N.” She pulled away just enough to look her in the face, tilting her chin up so she was looking her in the eye. “Things will get better. Even if it hurts right now, you’ll be okay. And please—” She gave her a small smile, a pleading look in her eyes. “Don’t completely give up hope. I know it might seem like there’s a lot of obstacles in your way, but you deserve to be happy. You never know what can happen.”

She smiled back, albeit weakly. “Thanks, Katara. I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

But it was already too late for that. For, you see, Y/N had given up hope long ago, she just needed to remember that.


	11. Someone Like You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Someone Like You" by Adele. This chapter is pretty much just angst feat. Uncle Iroh being the mentor figure that we all need. I am sorry in advance. Please let me know what you think down in the comments!
> 
> Word count: 4,586

Ever since the gala, Y/N had done everything in her power to stay _as far_ away from Zuko as physically possible. Where she used to trade off jobs with other maids so that she had the _most_ opportunities to be around him, now she was actively pawning off personal jobs like bringing him breakfast and delivering messages. She also wasn’t showing up to firebending training anymore. She just couldn’t be around him anymore. It was allowing herself to get close to him that had gotten her into this mess in the first place—the best damage control she could hope to do was just prevent from getting even closer to him. Hence, avoiding him. It tore her apart, but it was better than the pain of seeing him and knowing he could never be hers.

So now she was ~~hiding out~~ working in the kitchens with Ayaka, seeing as how kitchen duty was just about as far away from Zuko as she could get. Lunch had been over for quite some time, so they were the only two left, just finishing up washing some dishes.

Ayaka slid up next to her and gave her a little nudge with her shoulder. “Hey, what the heck has been up with you? You look like someone just murdered your puppy.”

She shrugged. “I’m fine, ‘Aya, I just…” She sighed. “I’ve not been feeling great lately.”

“Are you still upset about the gala? Spirits, Y/N that was like three weeks ago! You have got to get over him!”

Y/N sent her a frosty glare. “That’s easy for you to say! I’ve been in love with him for almost twenty years! It’s not that easy!”

Ayaka’s voice lightened to something a bit more sensitive, and she placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Yeah, I know. It’s just… I’m worried about you, Y/N. I’ve never seen you like this before. You’re sad all the time, you have no energy with your job. Hell, you’re not even really doing _your_ job anymore! As much as I love your company, you’re not a kitchen hand—you’re a personal attendant. You’re not even bringing the Fire Lord his breakfast anymore! You always told me that was your favorite part of the job!” She sighed. “I just want you to be happy. And it looks to me like hanging onto your feelings for him is only hurting you. I’d offer to kick his ass for you, but, well, he’s the Fire Lord, and I don’t really feel like going to prison.”

Y/N couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle at that. “It’s okay. I appreciate the thought. And I wouldn’t want you to hurt him, he did nothing wrong. I’m just upset with myself.” She sighed again, a troubled look in her eyes. “I can’t believe I was so stupid to think that maybe we were starting to have something. I just… I’m so angry with myself.”

“Okay, that’s it.” Ayaka snapped her fingers and placed her hands on her hips, pinning Y/N with a determined look. “You—” She poked a finger in her chest. “Are getting a date.”

“W-what?”

She crossed her arms. “I am sick and tired of you being all sad and mopey! And the best way I know to get over a boy is to find a new one! So, Y/N, we are going to find you a new man to pine over! Except this one will actually like you back and, you know, won’t be the sole leader of an entire nation. Damn, Y/N, you sure do know how to pick ‘em, doncha?”

“I-I don’t know about this, Ayaka…” She looked away and twirled a lock of hair around her finger, a nervous habit. Really? Find somebody else? When she was already so madly in love with Zuko that she could barely breathe? She didn’t know if it was even possible. “It doesn’t sound like a very good idea…”

“Sure it is! It always works for me!” Ayaka grabbed both of her shoulders, forcing her to look her in the eye. “You need something to help you forget about Fire Lord Hotstuff, and getting out and about and meeting new people’ll do you some good.”

“B-but I don’t even really know any guys! Especially not ones my age! How can I go on a date if I don’t know anybody?” Most of the other personal attendants were women, and much older women at that ~~(not that she was against the idea of dating a woman, but that just seemed like a whole new tragedy waiting to happen).~~

Ayaka grinned triumphantly. “Lucky for you, _I_ know guys! In fact, I know a guy who’s been asking to properly meet you! And before you ask, he knows you because I talk about you a lot and no, he doesn’t work at the palace.” She gave her a pleading look. “Come on, Y/N, just try it, please? He’s a good guy, I promise. He just wants to go get some tea with you, that’s all. If you hate it you never have to see him ever again and I won’t try to set you up with anyone else. But you never know, maybe you’ll hit it off and forget all about Fire Lord Hotstuff.”

She sincerely doubted that was possible, but she figured it couldn’t hurt to try. And it’d get Ayaka off her back. And, hey, who knew? Maybe she wouldn’t _forget_ about her feelings for Zuko, but maybe it’d help just a bit. Maybe getting out of the palace and meeting someone new would be good for her. And besides, it was just tea. She sighed and conceded. “Okay. But just this once.”

Ayaka practically squealed with delight, bouncing up and crushing her in a tight hug. “Oh thank you! I promise you won’t regret this! His name’s Jiro and he’s super cute and sweet. I’ll tell him to meet you at the palace gates at three this Saturday. You have Saturday off, don’t you?”

“Um… yes.”

“Great! Oh, Y/N, I promise you’re gonna love him!”

* * *

So that’s how she found herself waiting outside the palace gates for a blind date. Ironically, she was wearing one of the outfits Zuko had bought her on Ember Island, a pretty sunset yellow number with a cute orange sash around the waist. It wasn’t like she _wanted_ to wear something he bought her when she was going on this date specifically to _get over_ him, but really the only nice clothes she owned were ones he gave her. And, well, it _was_ a date, she might as well try to look nice. And she wanted an excuse to wear all her new pretty dresses, considering she still had to wear just her uniform at work.

Exactly at three, a man ran up to the gates, a little out of breath. He bowed. “Hi, are you Y/N? I’m Jiro. Ayaka’s told me a lot about you.” He grinned brightly.

Hmm. Well, at least he was punctual, and nothing if not enthusiastic. And he _was_ decently attractive. Tall, shaggy black hair, dark reddish-brown eyes, charmingly lopsided grin. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. She smiled in return, giving him a short bow of her own. “Yes, it’s nice to meet you. So, where are we off to?”

“Nothing too crazy. There’s this tea shop that opened up a while ago not far from here that I’ve been wanting to check out, if you don’t mind. I hear they’re really good. You like tea, right?”

She couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle at his excited tone. He reminded her of a puppy, almost. It was cute. She had a feeling this was going to go well. “Yes, it’s my favorite drink, actually. That sounds great.”

“Great! So, shall we?” He offered her his arm.

She chuckled again. “Yes, we shall.” She took his arm, and he led her into town. Being on his arm didn’t feel nearly as good as when she walked with Zuko, but it was alright, certainly not unpleasant. _‘No! Stop thinking like that! It’s rude to think about other people when you’re on a date!’_

So she tried to push all thoughts of the Fire Lord out of her mind. However, that plan quickly flew out the window as Jiro stopped them in front of their destination. The Jasmine Dragon. Iroh’s shop. She paled. _‘Spirits, I just can’t catch a break, can I?’_

Jiro turned to her, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. “Hey, are you okay? You look a little spooked.”

“No, no, I’m fine. Let’s go in, shall we? I’ve been here before, and what you’ve heard is one hundred percent true—they have the best tea in the capital!” She plastered on a smile that she hoped looked convincing. Along with avoiding Zuko, ever since the gala she hadn’t met up with Iroh either. It wasn’t fair to the kind old man, she knew; it wasn’t like he had done anything wrong. But seeing him made her think of Zuko, which she was trying her absolute damndest to not do. Also, with how intuitive he was, she knew he’d be able to tell that something was _very_ wrong, if Zuko hadn’t already told him about it, and she really wasn’t prepared to handle him confronting her about it.

Apparently, her lie worked because he just smiled down at her again. “Cool! Guess I picked the right place, huh?”

As he led her inside, she mumbled lowly to herself, “You have no idea.”

There weren’t many other patrons, probably because it was a little late for lunch, and she couldn’t decide if that was fortunate or not. Fortunate because large crowds of people made her nervous, and with how popular the Jasmine Dragon was she could easily get overwhelmed. Unfortunate because that probably meant Iroh himself would be serving them, as he liked to do when the shop was less busy.

Her theory was proven right when the man in question came up to their table, a notepad in hand and a big smile on his face. “Why hello there! Welcome to the Jasmine Dragon, what can I get for yo—” His eyes widened, before an even bigger smile grew on his face, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Y/N! How good to see you again! You haven’t been coming by recently, I was starting to get worried.” His gaze turned to Jiro. His expression only changed minutely, just barely visible, but Y/N could tell he was curious, and not in a particularly positive way. “Who’s your friend here? I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure of meeting.”

She tried to keep her voice level and her expression pleasant, but it was difficult not to sweat under his knowing gaze. “This is Jiro. Jiro, this is Mushi—” (He’d told her that he preferred to go by an alias when customers were around, which was understandable). “He’s the owner of this shop. We’re um… on a date.” She sent Iroh a look that hopefully told him to leave it, that she wasn’t willing to answer questions.

That didn’t stop his eyebrows from raising high in surprise, though. “Really? Good for you.” She let out a little breath of relief that he wasn’t going to interrogate her about it right now, but he had a look in his eyes that told her that this conversation was not over.

Jiro, however, seemed to be completely unaware of the tense, nonverbal conversation going on right in front of him. “You know the owner? Wow, that’s really cool!” He smiled brightly. “It’s an honor to meet you, Mushi! I’ll have an oolong tea, please.”

“Jasmine for me, please.” Y/N said without thinking. She wanted to slap her hand over her mouth, but that would have really given her away. _‘Why must this whole ‘forgetting about Zuko' thing be so damn hard!?!?!’_

Iroh didn’t comment on her choice, but he did have a knowing gleam in his eyes that told her he was definitely aware of it. “Excellent choices. I’ll have them out for you right away.” And then he left them to go into the kitchens and make their tea. Leaving them alone. On their date. Spirits, she almost wished he had stayed, even with the tense air.

_‘No! Don’t think like that! Dates are **fun,** this is going to be **fun.’**_ She didn’t even know the guy yet; she shouldn’t sell him short.

He cleared his throat, pulling her out of her thoughts. He had a shy grin on his face, a soft pink blush growing on his cheeks. “So, I, uh, didn’t get the chance to tell you, but you look beautiful.”

_‘That’s almost word for word what Zuko said to you at the gala.’_ She shook the thought off, instead flashing him a grateful smile. “Thank you. You look nice as well.” It wasn’t a lie, he did look cute. But she found herself wishing that his hair was just a bit longer, his cheekbones just a bit higher, his jaw just a bit sharper, his eyes just a bit less brown and maybe a bit more gold—no, no, _no. **Stop.**_ Stop it. She couldn’t go on like this. She needed to _stop thinking about Zuko. **Period.**_

“Oh really? Thanks, I tried to do something with my hair, but I don’t think it turned out all that well.” He chuckled. On closer inspection, it did kind of look like he had tried to slick it back, but, like he said, it didn’t work very well, leaving his hair sticking out oddly in some places. It looked charmingly messy, like it had been on purpose. She found it cute ~~(though she still wished his hair was longer).~~ “But so, um…” he continued. “Ayaka tells me you two work together at the palace, but that, like, you work specifically for the Fire Lord. That’s pretty cool! What’s it like? Is he nice?”

Oh great. Looked like even her _date_ wanted to think about Zuko. “Um, yeah, it’s nice… He’s nice. He’s a good boss. But, um, what do you do? I can’t say ‘Aya has told me much about you. B-but don’t take that personally…! She doesn’t usually talk about any of her friends outside of the palace, so it’s not like she’s singling you out or anything…!” The last thing she’d want to do is screw up Ayaka’s relationship with this guy! Y/N may not be super into him, but he was _totally_ Ayaka’s type. Wait, no! She hadn’t decided yet if she was into him or not! She needed to keep an open mind!

He laughed. “Don’t worry, I get it. That’s just kind of how she is sometimes. She only talks about you because you’re her _best_ friend.” That left her feeling a little flattered. Who knew Ayaka could be such a softie? He continued. “But I work at the docks. Fishing, obviously, but also boat maintenance and the like. It’s not the most thrilling work but, hey, it pays. Not nearly as glamourous as working at the palace, huh?”

She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? I mean, it isn’t nearly as ritzy as you think. I cook and clean for a living, I just have a much bigger house to look after.” She chuckled lightly.

“Yeah, but you get to work for the _Fire Lord!_ That’s gotta be something, right?” His eyes practically sparkled as he said it, and under normal circumstances she probably would’ve found it endearing.

Seriously? She goes on a blind date with some random guy her friend knows to get over the Fire Lord, and _all he wants to talk about is the goddamn Fire Lord._ The universe just liked watching her suffer, didn’t it?

Luckily, she didn’t have to respond, because just then Iroh came back out with their tea. “Here you are. I hope you enjoy it.” He turned to Y/N with a gentle smile on his face. “Y/N, if you aren’t too busy, after your date would you mind staying for a little while? It’s been far too long since we chatted.”

While it was obvious he wanted to know what was up, it was a genuine offer—if she didn’t want to, she didn’t have to accept it. But if she was being honest, she missed Iroh. A lot. And it really wasn’t fair to let a problem in her relationship with his nephew harm her relationship with him as well ~~(And she wasn’t ready to admit it to herself yet, but she missed Zuko too).~~ She smiled back and nodded. “That sounds really nice.”

His smile widened. “Thank you. Enjoy your tea, you two.” And then he left them again.

They sat and drank their tea, excellent as always. They chatted and asked each other questions, you know, as one does on first dates. At some point, Jiro reached his hand under the table to hold hers. She didn’t pull away. It was… fine. His hands were rough and strong, probably from ship work, but they were surprisingly cold. Well, she supposed they really weren’t _that_ cold. It’s just that, for some reason, she expected them to be warmer. More comforting. More exciting, more blush-inducing.

But maybe that was just because the only man she had ever held hands with besides her father had unusually warm hands.

After they finished their tea (Iroh insisted that the bill was on him), they stood and said goodbye. Jiro blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I had a really great time today. It was really good meeting you. Will I, uh, see you around? Do this again sometime, maybe?”

She smiled at him. “It was nice meeting you too, Jiro. Maybe.” And she felt kind of bad for saying it when he looked so excited at the prospect of a next time, because she knew she was never going to ask him out again.

He was sweet. And cute. And caring. And he _obviously_ liked her. But she just……………… didn’t feel anything. And, yeah, she didn’t expect to fall in love on the first date, but wasn’t she supposed to feel… _something?_ Anything? But she didn’t, and she knew why. Because no matter how hard she tried, she knew no one would ever hold a candle to Zuko. No one would ever be able to make her feel the way he did. She would never be able to love anybody the way she loved him. And even if one day she could, miraculously, she most certainly couldn’t now, not when the memories of his arms around her waist and his warm, warm hands in hers were still so fresh in her mind.

When Jiro left, she sighed heavily. She had tried _so hard_ to like him, really, she had. But no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t stop thinking of Zuko, comparing him to him, wishing it were him there with her instead of Jiro. She decided that she was a _terrible_ date.

“Would you care for another cup of tea?”

She smiled at Iroh. “Yeah. I think that’d be nice.”

They were now the only two people in the shop, so she made her way to her table by the counter, where they always sat during their chats, as Iroh fetched her more jasmine tea. Maybe that was one of the reasons she couldn’t stop thinking of Zuko: she _had_ ordered his favorite tea. The taste reminded her of him, let alone the _smell._ That intoxicating smell of jasmine and woodsmoke flooded her memory, making her feel somehow both nostalgic and homesick. At what point had she started thinking of Zuko as her home?

Iroh returned with the teapot, and he poured a cup for both of them. He sat down across from her and took a sip. He set his teacup down and looked at her, a serious expression on his face. He reached across the table to set his hand on top of hers. “I meant what I said when I said I was worried about you. Has something happened? You don’t seem well. My nephew tells me you’ve been distant lately, and that he’s concerned as well.” His eyes hardened slightly, a frown growing on his face. “Does it have something to do with this new boy you were with today?”

Y/N flushed lightly and sighed. “No, no. Well, yes. Maybe...? Sort of. It’s more like, something happened, and so I went on a date with this random guy to try and forget about it. Being completely honest, I just met him today. My friend got tired of me being all mopey so she set us up.” She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “I don’t think I’ll be asking for another date.”

His gaze softened again in understanding. “I see. You didn’t look like you were enjoying yourself very much. You seemed distracted.” He took another sip of his tea before pinning her with a concerned look. “But what happened that you’d need to forget about?”

She was quiet for a long time, but he made no attempts to rush her. She bit her lip. “Well… it’s just that…….” She sighed and looked away, down into the swirling brown liquid in her teacup. “Something happened between Zuko and I.”

His eyebrows rose. “Really? But you told me things were going well, what with your trip to the beach. What happened?”

She sighed again in frustration, unable to meet his eyes. “That’s just the problem, Iroh! Things were going _too_ well!”

“I… don’t believe I follow.”

She was quick to explain. “Do you remember the gala Zuko held a few weeks ago? Were you there?”

He nodded. “Yes, though I wasn’t able to stay for long. You told me my nephew invited you as his personal guest. You were quite nervous and excited about it, if I recall.”

“Yes! Yes, I was! And it was absolutely fantastic!” Her words may have been positive, but she felt like she was about to cry thinking about it. “I wore one of those lovely dresses I got at Ember Island and I got to spend time with everybody and Zuko told me I looked beautiful and we danced for hours even though neither of us are very good at it and it was all so perfect!” She explained hastily, desperately. She couldn’t hide the frantic emotion welling up in her throat, seeping into her voice.

He raised an eyebrow. “Now I _really_ don’t follow. If everything went well, then why are you upset? Why have you been so distant?”

“It was all so perfect………………………. until it wasn’t.” She squeezed her eyes shut as she recalled what she had heard and seen, as if the memory caused her physical pain, though with the deep ache in her heart, that wasn’t too far off. Her voice sounded softly broken, even to herself. “An Earth Kingdom ambassador wanted to speak with Zuko about something, so he pulled him away for a bit. I decided to go outside for some fresh air for a while as I waited for him to come back, but when I went back inside, I… overheard some court ladies talking. They… they were talking about how it was time that Zuko finally get married, and about how Lady Mai was the perfect choice. High ranking, elegant, poised, collected, the whole shebang. They even mentioned their history together!” She gnawed on her bottom lip.

Iroh smiled softly and shook his head. “Oh child, once again you worry too much about what others think. You can’t take what the court ladies say to heart, you know how they like to talk.”

“I know, I know, and I tried not to listen to them but that wasn’t it!” she cried. She could feel tears stinging her eyes as she brought her gaze back down to her teacup. “When I looked to see if Zuko was back, I saw that he was dancing with Lady Mai. Which there’s nothing wrong with that! I understand that they’ve known each other for a long time and that they’re still friends and he was probably happy to see her after so long! I get that, it’s just…… he promised he’d come back to me. And I waited, and waited, and waited… and he never did. He just… stayed with her for the whole night. And…” She choked a little as tears started to roll down her cheeks. She covered her mouth with her hand, squeezing her eyes shut again as she tried to regain enough composure to continue her sentence. Iroh gently ran his thumb across her knuckles where his hand still rested on hers on the table, waiting patiently. “He looked so _happy._ So incredibly happy with her. And I just… I feel like such an idiot. I _knew_ this would happen—I knew this would happen for my whole damn life! But no matter how hard I tried not to hope, somehow some part of me still thought that… that maybe we…” She couldn’t finish, instead succumbing to her emotions and breaking down into tears.

Iroh didn’t say anything, instead he got up out of his chair and came over to wrap her up in a comforting embrace. He let her cry into his shoulder, her salty, bitter tears staining his clothes. He lightly stroked her back as she cried herself out, her sobs dying down into sniffles.

“I just don’t know what to do, Iroh,” she croaked, her voice now hoarse. “I love him. I love him so much it hurts, and I feel like such a moron for letting myself get close to him. I knew this would happen! What did I expect?! He’s the _Fire Lord!_ He needs someone fit to rule beside him and that is not me. I-I can’t do my job anymore— _spirits,_ I can barely look at him anymore without feeling like I’m going to die!” She sniffled, her voice small. “Sometimes I wish I never met him.”

“You don’t really mean that,” Iroh said gently.

“Yes I do!” she yelled, perhaps a bit too harsh, but he didn’t pull away. “I hate him! I hate him and his stupid smile and how he’s always so nice to me and I hate myself for being such a fool and falling in love with him! I… I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be around him. I sure as hell can’t _live in the same building_ as him anymore. I… I just can’t……”

Iroh pulled back slightly, his hands on her shoulders giving her no choice but to look him in the eye. “Y/N. You are not foolish for being in love. I understand that you’re hurt, but I beg of you to not make any rash decisions without thinking things through. You need to speak with him. Explain how you feel. He is _very_ worried about you, and he doesn’t understand what he did to upset you.”

His earnest eyes almost convinced her, but she vehemently shook her head. “No. I can’t, Iroh. I just can’t.” She finished off her tea and stood up, bowing to him in thanks. “Thank you for the tea. I need to be getting back now.”

“Please, Y/N, think it over! Don’t do anything you’ll regret!”

But she was already out the door. And she couldn’t promise him anything, because she already made up her mind.

She was resigning.


	12. I Can't Make You Love Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is guys, the final chapter. But it is not the end of this series! I plan on writing up a few add-ons that take place after the ending. If there are any ideas or scenarios you would like to see, please let me know and I'll see if I can write something up! My only rules are I don't do pregnancy/baby fics or major angst (hurt no comfort type stuff). I would love to hear your guys' ideas! That being said, I hope you enjoy the last chapter of If I Could Tell Him! The title is from "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Rait. This chapter has a lot of angst as well, but there is a happy ending! Enjoy! Please let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> Word count: 4,674

A week later and Y/N had all her bags packed with whatever meager possessions she owned. She wanted to leave all the clothes and hair pins and the necklace Zuko had given her, but she would need more clothes than just a maid’s uniform, and she just couldn’t bring herself to take off the necklace, so it stayed. She’d packed up Lee’s food bowl and all the food she had left over from Zuko’s last delivery, which would last her about another two months. She’d need to find another job fast, otherwise she was afraid she’d no longer be able to care for him. And though Ayaka would certainly take him in, Y/N couldn’t bear to part with the sweet little cat. And she didn’t think he’d be happy about it either—he’d bonded with her. Hell, he didn’t even like it when she went away for a week, let alone forever.

She hadn’t told anybody she was leaving, not Ayaka or even her parents. She knew that if she told them, then they’d try to convince her to stay, and she couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in her parents’ eyes as she abandoned her family’s duty. She just couldn’t. Once she left and got settled into her new home (she’d found a small cabin house she could rent, and the landlord allowed pets. It wasn’t nice by any means, but it was what she could afford with her savings), she’d write to them and let them know what happened. She’d have to make up an excuse as for _why_ she left, probably something stupid and frivolous about finally pursuing her dream to be an artist, which was even more of a reason as to why she couldn’t tell them in person: she was a _terrible_ liar. But they couldn’t very well catch her in the lie and probe her for the truth if she was already gone.

This was the right thing to do. She had to keep reminding herself of that. She should have nipped these feelings in the bud when they were fresh and nothing more than a silly, hopeless crush. Really, what little girl _hadn’t_ dreamt of one day marrying her very own prince? But most grew out of it, one day realizing that it would be impossible and moving on. Unfortunately for Y/N, however, most little girls didn’t grow up around one, didn’t see him every day, didn’t allow themselves to fall in love with him, didn’t get their heart broken by him, didn’t continue loving him as he grew from a prince into a king, a Fire Lord. But she was young, and so, so very foolish. She thought that as long as it didn’t interfere with her work, then nobody had to know and she could just carry on. She never dreamed that one day her feelings would grow to the point where she could no longer perform her duties. And so, like the foolish little girl she was, she let them grow and flourish and she nurtured them to the point where she could no longer see his face and breathe at the same time.

She let herself love him, a man that she could never have, who could never love her back. A man who belonged to his country and his people first and foremost, and who could never belong to her. And no matter what Iroh said, that was a very foolish thing to do, indeed.

Though she knew she was making the right decision, it still hurt to leave. She loved the palace; it had been her home since birth. And she was going to miss it. She was going to miss the beautiful vaulted ceilings and the corridors that smelled like secrets and mysteries and the ornate carvings on the walls and all the quiet places to hide and draw and the library and the courtyard and the gardens and the turtleducks. She was going to miss the people she had grown up with: the chefs and the older maids and the guards and waitstaff and her parents and Ayaka. And, no matter how hard she tried to shove it down and squash it and ignore it, she knew, in her heart of hearts, that she was going to miss Zuko.

She was going to miss bringing him breakfast, and subsequentially eating it with him. She was going to miss firebending training and the way his eyes glowed with pride when she got something right. She was going to miss the private conversations they had when no one was around and all the doors were locked, about life and the world and work and anything and everything. She was going to miss the way he smiled down at her with that strange, soft emotion swirling in his eyes. She was going to miss his smooth, beautiful laugh as she made a successful joke (and even if it wasn’t successful, she still got to hear his laugh anyway because of how bad it was). She was going to miss his long black hair and the way it just _begged_ for her to run her fingers through it. She was going to miss how warm his hand felt in hers, how strong and safe his arms felt around her. She was going to miss the way his cheeks lit up pink as he rubbed the back of his neck when he was flustered or embarrassed. She was going to miss his lips and the way they smiled as they wrapped around the syllables of her name so perfectly it shouldn’t be possible. But most of all, she was going to miss his eyes.

She was going to miss his eyes and all the raw emotion they held, all the truth that swirled in his deep golden irises. The way they crinkled at the corners when he was happy or pleased, even if he wasn’t smiling. All the history that hid behind them, all the strength and passion and conviction that filled them to the brim with something that was so purely _him._ The way that his left eye was always slightly more shut than the right, giving him this asymmetrical, lopsided look that she knew he hated but she absolutely adored. She was going to miss the way those eyes made her feel when they were looking at her.

She knew that this was the right decision, but that didn’t stop her heart from being ripped to shreds as she made it.

She couldn’t even bear to see him to tell him she was leaving, so she had written a note. It was short and painfully curt and impersonal. After how close they had become in the past months, it hurt her to write to him in such a cold, professional manner. She would sneak it onto his desk, and by the time he saw it she’d already be gone. It offered no explanation, just a notice of resignation. How could she possibly explain herself? She couldn’t tell him the truth. This was the only way.

At least, that’s what she kept telling herself.

On her last day in the palace, she allowed herself one last opportunity to silently say goodbye to her home. She gave Lee a quick scratch on the head after she gave him his morning meal. “We’re going to be going on an adventure, little guy,” she said, but her voice lacked the excitement such a statement would usually invoke. It was more to convince herself than anything. Convince herself that things would be okay, that this was the way things must be.

She wandered the halls all day, committing ever nook and cranny to memory lest she forget. She couldn’t bring herself to see her parents or Ayaka, knowing that she may not be able to go through with this if she did. She snaked one last fruit tart from the kitchens, making sure to savor every last bite, considering that this would be the last time she ever ate one made by the palace chefs. She floated through her home like a ghost, like she was already gone, silently professing her love for its walls and her apologies for leaving.

Sometime around midday, she found herself in the gardens, as she always did eventually. She tossed a few seeds to the turtleducks as a farewell, and one of them even let her scratch its fuzzy little head. She had plenty of time left before she needed to be leaving; she figured she could spare a few moments for one last sketch of the gardens, for old time’s sake. Luckily, she had stashed her sketchbook in her rucksack slung across her torso, so she just had to pull it out and plop down onto the soft grass. She decided to draw the turtleducks, since they were being so friendly today. It was almost like they knew this was her last day here, because they were practically climbing on top of her, making it really difficult to draw them. She giggled with delight as one of the babies tried to climb into her hair. She plucked it off of her shoulder, holding it in her hands as it looked up at her with its sweet little face. “That’s not a nest, little buddy.”

_“There you are!”_

She whipped around, her eyes climbing up a pair of long legs to rest on the face of… “Zuko!” she gasped. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck._ He was the absolute _last_ person she wanted to see right now. She had been extremely successful in avoiding him, not having seen or spoken to him at all since the gala. He had a desperation to his voice, and his face was flushed red and his chest heaving, as if he just ran a mile to meet her (which, knowing him, it wasn’t entirely unlikely that he had seen her in the courtyard from a window and sprinted all the way there). How the holy fuck was she going to excuse herself from this conversation?! She stood and bowed, refusing to meet his eyes. “I-I’m sorry, but I just remembered Ayaka needed my help in the kitchens, so I really must be go—” She tried to skirt around him, her gaze firmly on the ground, but he grabbed her wrist, preventing her from leaving.

“No. She can handle herself without you. We need to talk.” He had a hardness to his voice she’d never heard before, but she didn’t turn around to face him. Of course he’d be angry with her—he considered her a friend, and to his best knowledge, she’d started avoiding him for no reason. He was probably hurt, confused, and furious. And as much as that hurt her heart, she figured it was better that way—it’d be easier to leave if he hated her.

“What is it you need, Your Majesty?” she asked as impassively as she could, still not facing him. “I apologize for not bringing your breakfast lately, I’ve been needed elsewhere in the mornings, and I made sure to delegate the task to another one of your attendants.”

“What are you doing? Why the hell are you talking like that?! What happened?!” Before she could respond, he grabbed her shoulders and spun her around to face him. She couldn’t bear to look him in the eyes, not prepared to see the hurt and confusion that she would undoubtedly find there. His voice dripped with desperation, growing quieter, gentler. “Why won’t you talk to me? I-I don’t know what I did wrong, but whatever it is I am _so_ sorry and I promise it’ll never happen again—but I need to know what it is so I can fix it. So _please,_ just talk to me.”

_‘Don’t look at him don’t look at him don’t look at him.’_ Oh spirits this hurt. This was why she hadn’t wanted to see him. He was breaking her heart into tiny little pieces and he didn’t even know it. She took a deep breath, praying that she would be able to maintain her composure. “You did nothing wrong, Zuko.” She shook her head, a wry look forming on her face. A short, dry, humorless chuckle bubbled at her lips. “I did.”

“I… I don’t understand. What are you talking about? Why have you been avoiding me? Why… why won’t you look at me?”

He was asking too many questions, and none of them had good answers. _‘Spirits,_ why was he _doing_ this? Why was he making this harder than it had to be? A small part of her heart told her it was because he cared about her, and he was worried about her. But that thought hurt too much, so she squashed it as far down as she could. She could feel his pleading, expectant eyes boring into her (those _eyes,_ those beautiful, beautiful eyes that usually made her glow to be under. But now that gentle warmth was too much for her, a searing, scorching heat that burned her flesh and left her heart raw and blistering).

She turned her face further away so he couldn’t see the pain beginning to make itself visible in her expression. As hard as all this was, she knew he deserved an explanation. Even if it was a shitty, half-baked one, he still deserved _something._ It wasn’t like he had wronged her in any way—quite the contrary, he was _too_ wonderful, which was what led to this whole mess in the first place. She shouldn’t punish him for something he didn’t do—shouldn’t take out her anger at _herself_ on him. He didn’t deserve that. And he certainly didn’t deserve such a shitty friend who would do that. But, to be fair, he also didn’t deserve such a shitty maid who would fall in love with him.

He deserved to hear something, but she couldn’t just tell him about her feelings. What could she say? So she said something that didn’t really qualify as an explanation at all, and only opened up more questions. “……I’m resigning.”

_“What?!?!?!”_ She flinched at the genuine shock and pain in his voice. “W-wha— _why?_ Y/N, _what happened???_ Something’s changed, you’re not thinking rationally.”

She forced her voice to remain steady. “I know exactly what I’m doing, Zuko. Today’s my last day. I have a place waiting for me on the outskirts of town.”

He was speechless. “I-I… you’re _leaving?_ I—What—Were you planning on _telling me???_ Were you—” He swallowed, his voice growing small. “Were you planning on saying goodbye?”

She took a shaky breath. She couldn’t look at him, she couldn’t. If she looked at him she knew she would break and she wouldn’t be able to go through with it, and she needed to stay strong. This was the right thing to do. It might hurt right now (it might be absolute _agony_ standing in front of him and listening to his frantic voice and feeling his warm hands on her shoulders, knowing that this was the last time she would ever see him), but this was the right thing to do. She licked her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. Her voice came out as more of a croak as she said, “I have a note. I… was going to leave it on your desk.”

He let out a short, disbelieving bark of a laugh. “A note? You were going to leave a _note?!_ You have got to be kidding me.”

“I promise you I’m not.” She closed her eyes, fully accepting his scorn. She deserved it. She deserved for him to hate her because of her foolishness. She deserved punishment and by the spirits was this interaction delivering it. “I… had hoped to not see you.”

_“Why????_ What—What has _possessed_ you to suddenly make you want to quit?!?! You told me you loved it here—you told me you loved your job!” His grip on her shoulders faltered. “Were… were those lies?”

_Fuck,_ she didn’t know if she could handle this. She couldn’t lie, not to that question, at least. She shook her head. “No, no. I……… I could never lie to you, Zuko.”

“Then tell me the truth!” He shouted, making her jump. His voice sounded watery, like he was on the verge of tears. It sent a sharp surge of torment straight through her to continue the assault on her wounded heart. “Tell me why you’re leaving—why you haven’t spoken to me in almost an entire month! Is… is it money? I-I can give you a raise! I can give you as many raises as you want! Spirits know you deserve it. Hell, I’ll give your parents a raise! Just… just don’t leave, _please._ Don’t leave me.”

He sounded so desperate, so small, so _broken._ Her heart throbbed with a deep ache. She squeezed her eyes shut, focusing all her energy on willing herself not to cry. “No, no, it’s not that, you don’t need to do that.”

“Then what is it?!?! I—I’ll do anything! Just say the word and it’s yours, just _please don’t leave me.”_ His hands had travelled down to her upper arms, his grip becoming almost bruising as his voice rose in pitch, becoming more and more frantic. “Please don’t go—I don’t want you to go, just tell me what’s wrong let me fix it I promise I can make this better just don’t leave— _Why won’t you look at me?!?!?!?”_

It was too much. She couldn’t take it anymore. Her eyes snapped up to meet him, finding them twisted in pain and wet with unshed tears, a deep, frantic hurt etched into every crevice of his face. Those beautiful, _beautiful_ eyes were so frightened, so wounded, and it was _all her fault._ She broke. _“Because I’m in love with you!!!!!_ Fuck, I’ve been in love with you since I was _five!!!_ And every time I look at you I forget how to breathe and it _hurts!”_

She didn’t give him time to respond, her eyes shut tightly as she screamed her deepest, darkest secret to him. _“Spirits,_ it hurts _so bad!_ I told myself that as long as nobody knew it would be fine, that if I didn’t let it interfere with my work then it’d all be okay. But now I can’t even _look_ at you without feeling like I’m going to die and I just _can’t do it anymore!_ I can’t work for you—I can’t be around you!”

“I told myself that I could live with it, that as long as you were happy I could be content loving you from afar. And I was! I was fine! Everything was perfect!” She bit back a sob, hot tears rolling down her cheeks. “But then you started _talking_ to me, and being _nice_ to me. You took me on vacations and asked me to eat breakfast with you and bought me beautiful gifts and taught me how to firebend and you _got to know me!_ You _wanted_ to know me! And, fuck, it felt like I fell more and more in love with you every single goddamn day! And I can’t do it! I can’t keep hiding! And I can’t stay, and I can’t look at you, and I can’t touch you, and I can’t work for you, and I can’t be your friend knowing I can never be _with_ you! Because you’re the Fire Lord, and I’m the help, and one day you’ll need to marry someone of noble blood to help you rule this country and that _can never be me!”_

“But you…” Her voice cracked, and she squeezed her eyes shut again as she forced back another sob, her voice broken and dull. “You called me your friend. And you listened to me, and you cared about me, and you held me in a way that I don’t think friends are supposed to do. And despite every logical reason I knew it was impossible, some small, deep, dark part of me started to think…………………… that maybe you could love me too. You…” She swallowed. “You gave me hope, Zuko. And that is a terrible, cruel thing to give someone.”

He was silent. She braced herself for his outrage, his disgust, his hurt from being lied to and betrayed by someone he trusted—someone who was supposed to look after him, someone he considered a friend. She deserved it all. She deserved that and worse, one hundred times over for being such a foolish, pathetic girl. But it never came. Instead, all that left him was a quiet, awed, “……...You love me…?”

She couldn’t look at him, couldn’t speak. She nodded.

He let out a short, breathless laugh. “R-really? That—That’s what this is about?” He laughed again, sounding almost giddy. “That’s great, I love you too, you don’t have to leave!”

Her breath caught in her throat, her heart throbbing with agony. No. Those words that she had never allowed herself to dream coming out of his lips, those words that should make her whole being light up with joy. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t believe it to be true. _‘It’s a trick it’s a trick it’s a trick.’_ She let out a long, pained breath and turned around, her back facing him. She didn’t want him to see the way her face twisted in pain. Her voice was monotonous, hollow, broken. “Don’t lie to me just to get me to stay.”

“But I’m not lying!” And he sounded so desperate she almost believed him. “I love you! I’ve been in love with you since we went to go see that play on Ember Island, spirits maybe even before that! I love you, so _please_ just don’t go.”

Why??? Why was he doing this??? Why was he making this _so hard?????_ She wanted to trust him, _spirits_ she wanted to trust his words _so bad._ She wanted to run into his arms and cry into his shoulder and have him hold her and kiss him so hard she forgot about the anguish in her tortured heart. She wanted to love him—she wanted to let herself love him. She wanted him to love her. She wanted to trust him.

But she couldn’t. Because she was just a pathetic, foolish little servant girl who had let herself fall in love with the Fire Lord.

More tears fell down her cheeks. “I don’t believe you.”

“Then believe this!”

Then he grabbed her shoulders and spun her around and kissed her with a searing passion that left her breathless. His hands came up to cup her face with a gentleness that starkly contrasted the hard, frenzied press of his mouth on hers and the way he held their bodies flush together. He kissed her like he was dying, like he needed her to survive. He was trembling and she felt tears that weren’t her own hit her face. Every single little flutter of his lips against hers poured out so much emotion, she felt her knees give out, and she would have fallen over were it not for his strong hands on her. Desperation, pain, passion, longing……………………. Love.

And only then did she believe. He… loved her. Just as ardently, just as fiercely as she loved him. It was too much. But she couldn’t think of anything else as she kissed him back, matching his fervor. She slid one hand into his long, dark hair, twisting her fingers in it like she had dreamed of doing so many times, yanking it out of its topknot and letting it flow freely over his shoulders. She was vaguely aware of a dull _thunk_ as she knocked the royal hairpiece to the ground, but she couldn’t care, too busy using her hand in his hair to pull him closer and tracing his scar lovingly with her other one.

He sighed into her mouth, his one arm moving to wrap around her waist. He tilted her head back, giving him access to delve at her mouth deeper, swiping his tongue across her bottom lip. His lips were rough and warm, much like his hands, but she didn’t care, savoring the gentle scratch as they slid over hers.

Kissing him was like breathing. It was like being submerged in cool water after hours in the heat, it was like putting aloe on a sunburn, like waking up from your first full night of sleep in weeks. A relief so instant and intense she couldn’t help the soft noises bubbling in her throat. She felt alive, _electric,_ a buzz dancing across her nerves and making her shiver. He felt like fireworks, like a shock of lightening, like a hearth fire, like a tender embrace in the middle of the night, like coming home.

He pulled away after what felt like hours to breathe, his warm pants fanning across her flushed face. He murmured against her lips, “I love you. Please stay with me,” before delving back in for more.

She couldn’t do anything but fall into him, the scent of jasmine and woodsmoke flooding her senses and intoxicating her better than any alcohol ever could. Her hands roved all over him, clutching and grabbing and pulling, anything to keep him exactly where he was, so close to her she could barely tell where he started and she ended.

Once they had finally had enough of each other for the time being (which Y/N doubted was truly possible), long, frantic kisses becoming sweet, loving pecks, she pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. Her hands rested on his chest as he smiled down at her, nothing but genuine love and adoration in his soft golden eyes. This was real. He wanted her. He loved her. It was almost too much for her to handle, a sweeter variety of tears falling down her face now as a wide, dizzy grin stretched across her face almost painfully. “I… I never even dreamed, I… I love you, Zuko. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

The joy that lit up his face made her heart swell and skip a beat. “I love you too, Y/N. So does this mean you’ll stay?”

She laughed breathlessly. “Yes. Yes, I’ll stay.” A prick of worry struck her, her eyebrows furrowing. “B-but how is this going to work? You’re—I’m—You’re still my boss!”

He shook his head, a light, warm, golden laugh on his lips. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, tracing her jaw with his fingers lovingly. “We’ll figure it out. It’ll be okay. Just promise you’ll stay here with me.”

She couldn’t resist the urge to tease him a little. She hummed and tapped her chin in an imitation of thoughtfulness. “I dunno. What was this I heard about a raise?”

He laughed again, and her heart soared that it was because of her. “You scoundrel.” His words lacked any bite, though, as he pressed a sweet kiss to the top of her head. “I’ll give you all the raises you want. Though the ethics of paying someone to date me are questionable.”

“Hey, it was your idea.” She chuckled. She brought her hand back up to his face. He placed his hand over hers and nuzzled into it, pressing a kiss to her palm that made her melt. Her voice became serious. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good.” He smiled and pulled her back in for another kiss, and she had never felt happier. He pulled away, a small frown on his face. “Though there _is_ one thing bothering me…”

Her eyebrows furrowed with concern. “What is it, baby?”

“That sketchbook wasn’t because you were interested in firebending, was it?”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Spirits, you’re a dork.” She leaned up on her toes and pressed another long, adoring kiss to his lips.

It was all going to be okay. Because she loved him. And despite everything, he loved her back.

And that was really all that mattered, wasn’t it?


End file.
